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DELILAH

I’m putting my key into the lock of the front door to Bea’s flat, trying not to let Jem see how much my hand is shaking from the effort of appearing carefree and cool about this thing ending between us, when it hits me that this might actually be the last chance I’ll ever get to be alone with him.

After this, Bea’s going to be around and within earshot and I won’t be able to act the way I have been with him in the last few days.

I’m going to have to pretend I don’t feel the way I do.

Oh, man, I’m going to miss it so much – the closeness we’ve shared over the last few days. I’ve had such a lot of fun with him.

Why does it have to end?

If it were up to me, I’d give a relationship with him a go. A good go. In fact, I think I’d be very happy to fully commit to him.

I know we agreed sexy fun times only and that we’d go back to just friends when we were back here, but I don’t know if I can do that any more.

I want more from him. Much more. And I know I was the one to stop us from having sex, but I had to, in order to protect myself. I couldn’t let it mean nothing. Not when it would have meant so much to me.

Because it really would have.

Things are different now, in so many ways. It feels like a lifetime’s worth of experiences has happened since we first left Bath to travel to Greece.

That’s the thing about spending time away from your normal location: time bends.

I feel kinda different in myself too. A lot calmer and more focused, or something.

Maybe that’s from all the orgasms I’ve been having in the last week.

But I know that if I don’t at least ask the question about whether we can turn this into something real, I’ll always wonder whether I should have done.

I’m not a big fan of regrets. I’d rather take the heat and be rejected than feel like I missed an opportunity.

And this feels like a biggie.

So I pause, just before I turn the key in the lock, and turn to look at him, my mouth half-open as I try to decide the best way to do this.

He looks back at me expectantly.

‘Is it the wrong key?’ he asks, a little confused when I just stand there, frozen.

My heart is thumping so hard, I can feel the vibration of it in my throat.

‘No. I just… I wanted to ask you something… before we go in and this whole adventure we’ve been having comes to an end.’

I see him swallow and he shifts on the spot. ‘Okay,’ he says, though from the tone of his voice, it’s not okay. He doesn’t want to be having this conversation.

I push away my worry. It needs to be said, just in case I’m reading this wrong and I’ve misunderstood things.

‘Do you think there’s any chance we could carry this on? Or turn it into something more at some point? Because I think… I would really like that.’

Heat’s rushed to my face and my entire body feels jumpy with adrenaline. I’m aware there must be a pleading sort of expression on my face, which is frankly a little bit embarrassing, but I’m willing to look foolish here if it means I get to keep him.

He sighs and rubs his hand over his face, then shakes his head before looking me in the eye again.

‘Look, Dee, I think you’re great, but you’re not what I’m looking for in a serious partner,’ he says, his voice vibrating with emotion.

My stomach drops in a sickening way, like I’ve jumped off a ledge and realised I’m way too high up to land safely. ‘What do you mean by “serious”?’ I ask in a quavering voice.

‘I mean not just a fling. A grown-up relationship.’

‘How about a childish one?’ I say, hoping to lighten the mood. This coolness is horrible after feeling so close to him recently.

‘No. I don’t need that kind of distraction right now. I told you, I have too much on my plate.’

‘I can help you. Support you—’ I start to say.

‘No,’ he interrupts. ‘You can’t. And I really can’t have this conversation right now. I’m too tired for it. I’m sorry.’

‘Can you at least think about it?’

‘I already have and it’s still a no. Like I said, it’s not what I want.’

Gently knocking my hand out of the way, he turns the key, pushes open the door and steps inside, heading straight for the kitchen.

Frustration surges through me, making my skin prickle all over as I follow him into the flat. ‘Maybe. Yeah, sure. Maybe you think I’m not what you want. But I am what you need,’ I whisper as we walk into the kitchen, aware that Bea might be at home. I don’t want her to hear any of this.

Putting down his bag, he turns to face me and rolls his eyes extravagantly. ‘Jesus, Dee. What the hell do you know about what I need?’ He’s angry now. Clearly, he just wants me to stop arguing with him and leave him be.

But I can’t.

I just bloody can’t .

‘A lot,’ I say. ‘Because I need the same thing. Security. Love. Warmth and kindness. Joy and laughter. All the things I’ve been chasing my whole life.’

He shakes his head, refusing to look at me now.

But I won’t have that. I refuse to let him dismiss me again, like he always has.

‘Look, I know we can rub each other the wrong way sometimes, but you come alive around me. Don’t you want that for yourself? To live an exciting, provoking, full existence? Rather than one sat in front of a screen all day and all night on your own?’

He still won’t look at me.

‘Jem,’ I say firmly, reaching out to cup his jaw and gently turn his face until he’s looking at me. ‘We’re good together. You know it.’

He shakes his head firmly, dislodging my grip on him.

‘Sorry. I can’t commit to a relationship with you.’

‘Please,’ I beg, tears springing to my eyes. ‘Please don’t do this. To me or yourself. You’re throwing away something really good here.’

‘I’ve got too much going on in my life right now,’ he says, frustration flooding his voice. ‘I have to concentrate on the business and my mum’s care needs. We’re back to real life now, Dee. I can’t play any more.’

The smile he gives me is sad, but also filled with the aloofness that’s made me crazy since the first time I met him.

And then Bea walks into the kitchen.

I love my sister to bits, but she’s being the queen of bad timing right now.

‘Hey, you’re back,’ she says. She looks happy to see us, but there’s a strange sort of wariness in her expression too. Did she just overhear what we were arguing about?

On the verge of tears, I walk over and fling my arms around her, pulling her in close.

I need comfort. I need my sister.

‘So, you finally escaped from the storm,’ she says, her voice a little muffled against my hair.

‘Only just,’ I say, hearing the weight of sadness in my voice and wishing I was better at hiding my feelings. Bea’s going to suspect something’s wrong and that’s not fair on Jem. I don’t want to make this any harder for him than it already is.

‘Is everything okay?’ she asks, pulling back to look me in the face.

I make myself smile back at her. ‘All good. Just glad to be home safe. The journey back was mostly smooth,’ I say. I have to force myself not to glance over at Jem.

‘So, are you two still speaking to each other?’ Bea jokes, looking between the two of us.

There’s a heavy pause, then we both say, ‘Yes,’ at the same time.

Ugh. It must be so bloody obvious that we’re not.

I need to create a diversion.

‘How about you?’ I ask her. ‘How did the festival go?’

‘Oh. Great. It went really well,’ she says, but without the same enthusiasm I’ve been hearing from her up till now.

‘You don’t look very happy about it,’ I say, frowning. Something’s definitely wrong here, I can sense it.

My fears are confirmed when Bea tries to smile, then fails, and tears pool in her eyes.

‘I… er… I’ve got some bad news, I’m afraid,’ she says in a very un-Bea-like wobbly voice.

Panic shoots through me. ‘Are you okay? What’s going on?’

‘I made a real mess of things, Dee. I’m so sorry.’

Bea? Make a mess of things? Surely not. ‘What do you mean?’ I ask.

‘I… I had to tell Jonah I was pretending to be you and… he fired me. Well, you. He fired you.’

I stare at her, flummoxed.

Huh. That was not what I was expecting to hear. Whenever we’d been in contact, she’d made it sound like everything was going smoothly. Had she been lying to me? That isn’t like Bea at all.

‘Right. Okay. And why did you have to tell him?’ I ask gently. There’s clearly something more going on here than she’s been comfortable to admit.

‘Um…’ She looks distraught now and my stomach sinks at the sight. ‘We, er… We started to get close.’

Oh.

Oh.

‘When you say close…?’ I say, willing her to tell me everything now, though I can pretty much guess the rest.

‘We kissed.’ She screws up her eyes for a second, then slowly opens them again, like she’s peeking out to see my reaction.

I can’t help but grin. My perfect, logical sister has fallen in love with my boss. Well, who knew?

Not that I’m happy that she seems so upset about it.

‘And he kissed you back?’ I ask.

‘Yes.’

‘Wow. So you two are a thing now?’

She shakes her head. ‘No. We ended up sleeping together, but he’s really angry with me for lying to him about who I really am. I think it’s over now.’

I suddenly remember that Jem’s in the room with us listening to all this when he makes a clearing sound in his throat, then excuses himself.

Ah.

I’m not entirely sure how to respond to this.

On the one hand, I feel for him that he’s had to find out that the woman he’s probably in love with is in love with someone else.

On the other, I’m selfishly pleased that the two of them may never have a relationship other than friendship or business partners if Bea’s heart belongs to someone else.

To Jonah, of all people.

It’s funny, but I can actually see them together. They’d be good for each other.

I’ve never seen my sister so affected by a man before. So much so, it looks as if she’s about to cry.