Page 28

JEM

After what turns out to be a long, wild night with Dee in the hotel room – where we wind each other up into a sexual frenzy, seeing how long we can edge each other before we’re begging to come and finally falling into an exhausted sleep in each other’s arms in the early hours – I wake up in the morning still wrapped around her sleeping form, spooning her from behind.

It’s the first time we’ve slept like this. Normally, we give each other plenty of space when we’ve fallen asleep in the same bed before.

It’s both comforting and concerning.

I like the feeling of being close to her like this. Of being protective of her. But I’m also afraid of it. This is not what we agreed. It’s getting too serious. Too dangerously cosy.

Not that I should be surprised.

I knew from the moment I met Dee that she’d be trouble. I just didn’t know what kind.

I know now, though. Intimately.

And it’s not the bad kind really, just… tricky. Like the woman herself.

I have to admit, it’s been a little frustrating, keeping to our no full sex agreement, but I get why she suggested it. It would bring a whole other level of intimacy and emotional connection to our relationship, which neither of us are looking for right now.

Not that we’re actually in a relationship.

We’re just ‘fooling around’ as Dee puts it.

I’ve made sure to make full use of the time we’ve spent together though, by learning as much as I can about what makes women’s bodies tick – or writhe about in ecstasy, in Dee’s case.

I’ve loved every moment of it and I’m really grateful for the opportunity to make up for lost time, in terms of my sexual education.

Dee’s been an amazing teacher. Open and vocal about what she does and doesn’t like, which has been immensely useful.

I can’t quite believe I’m thinking about this in such practical terms, especially when she feels so good, naked and warm and pressed up against my body like this.

There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach at the thought of never waking up with her like this again.

Oh, man. It’s going to be hella difficult to step away from this thing we’ve had going when we’re finally back at home.

But that’s what we’ve agreed, so that’s what we’ll do. I can’t allow myself to get distracted right now, anyway; I promised Bea I wouldn’t.

Huh. Bea.

I guess this thing happening with Dee means that Bea and I can only ever be purely business partners now, at least for the foreseeable future.

But, strangely, I realise that’s okay with me.

It’s probably for the best, if I’m being honest. Tim’s right; it would be foolish to mix up our business and personal relationships.

She’s a good friend and I really don’t want to jeopardise that.

I never thought for a second I’d be thinking this because of Dee.

It’s funny how life moves in the freakiest of ways, as I’ve discovered in the last few years.

Who ever knows what’s round the corner?

But it can’t be a relationship with Dee.

She needs someone wealthy and unencumbered, that’ll look after her in the way she craves. Allow her to be a full-time artist. That’s not me. Not right now, anyway. And who knows if I ever will be?

And I need to be with someone I don’t have to worry about all the time. I have enough concerns as it is with my mum’s deteriorating health needs and a precariously developing business.

I need someone safe. Someone who takes life and all its challenges seriously.

Dee stirs against me and for a moment, I wonder whether I should suggest we have one last play before we leave. I decide against it. It’s better to call it quits now, before I get any more ensnared in this craziness.

So, reluctantly extracting myself from Dee’s warm, soft body, I roll away from her and get up, shaking off a weird sense of unease, and head straight to the marble-walled bathroom for a shower.

When I come out, Dee is awake and sitting up in bed. She gives me one of her mischievous smiles and I nearly change my mind and get straight back into bed with her.

But I resist.

Though it physically pains me to do it.

‘Morning,’ I say, going over to my bag and extracting the clothes I intend to wear today. Nico kindly laundered all our things when we were on the island, so we’ve not been in the awkward position of running out of them.

‘Morning,’ Dee purrs, and my body immediately reacts to the come-hither tone in her voice.

Shit. She’s not making this easy for me.

‘We should go and grab some breakfast downstairs before heading to the train station,’ I say, forcing myself to ignore her implied request to join her.

Her face falls. ‘Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess you’re right. We don’t want to miss the train.’

I turn my back as she gets out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom for her own shower.

By the time she comes out, I’m dressed and have packed up my meagre belongings and I’m trying to force myself to concentrate on some programming on my laptop while I wait for her to be ready to go.

I can feel her looking at me as she moves about the room, dressing and packing, but I don’t turn to look at her, determinedly keeping my eyes on the screen.

I feel shitty about appearing indifferent towards her this morning, especially after what we got up to last night, but I feel like it’s better to set the tone for cooling things off between us now so it’s not so jarring once we get home.

‘Okay, Numbers, I’m ready if you are,’ Dee says from the other side of the room.

The old nickname brings me up short. It seems like she’s understood my implicit suggestion we take some steps back now and is attempting to return to her original form with me.

I suddenly feel inexplicably sad.

Ignoring the discomfort in my chest, I shut my laptop and pack it away into my bag.

‘Okay,’ I say, getting up from the desk I’ve been sitting at. ‘Let’s go.’

* * *

We make it onto the train with plenty of time in hand.

Dee’s being unusually quiet, but I stop myself from asking if she’s okay. I can’t get into it right now. I don’t even know what I’d say if she told me she wasn’t.

She’s not my responsibility.

We find two seats next to each other and stow our bags on the baggage shelf, then settle into our seats.

This leg of the journey to the ferry port in Patras is going to take about four hours, so we both sit and stare out of the window for a while at the passing scenery.

There’s been a lot of storm damage here too and there’s a big clear-up job going on.

We see flashes of wrecked buildings, felled trees and torn-down walls and fences as the train rushes along the track.

After a while, I get my laptop out of my bag and go back to programming, for something to do. And a way to stop my mind from whirring. I don’t feel like chatting today and it seems Dee is the same. She spends her time either reading on her phone or staring out of the window.

Perhaps she’s feeling the same poignant weight of this ending, just like I am.

It’s hard to tell with her. She doesn’t always give a lot away and puts on a happy-go-lucky front a lot. I guess she’s well practiced at it, after having to do it from a young age.

When we finally get to Patras, we go straight to the ferry port, as per Nico’s instructions, where we get onto the ferry and are shown to our sleeper cabin.

There are two single beds in there, which Nico has apologised for, saying the luxury cabins with double beds were fully booked, but I’m actually grateful we won’t have to share a bed again tonight.

The urge to touch Dee is strong, but I’m fighting it right now, not trusting myself not to get carried away and let things segue back to how they were last night.

Memories of how much fun we’d had flash through my head and I have to readjust the front of my trousers so Dee doesn’t see how turned on I am.

Dammit! Stepping back from this thing we’ve had going is really fucking hard.

But necessary.

We can’t carry it on. It would be lunacy at this juncture.

‘Which bed do you want?’ she asks me, waving her finger between them.

I shrug, still trying to get my frustration under control. ‘Don’t mind. You choose.’

‘Okay,’ she says on a sigh. She sounds frustrated too, like she thinks I’m being deliberately unhelpful. Which I guess I am, to be fair.

She sinks down onto the one on the right and flops onto her back while I turn to stash my bag on the luggage shelf.

Just at this moment, the ferry lurches as it pulls away from the port and I take a stumbling step backwards, lose my balance and fall back onto Dee’s bed, luckily not actually landing on her.

She sits up in alarm and puts a hand onto my arm. ‘Whoa there. Are you okay?’

‘Fine,’ I mutter. The heat of her touch burns through my shirt and tendrils of sensation ripple across my skin. I turn to look at her and she stares back at me.

There’s a pulse of silence where we just look at each other.

My heart gives an extra-hard thump against my chest and my breath seems to get caught in my throat.

‘Let’s not stop yet,’ she says quietly.

There’s such an expression of longing in her eyes, I instantly forget my resolve and, acting on pure instinct, move in to kiss her on the mouth, the memories of last night – and all the other amazing nights with her – rushing to the front of my mind and reawakening my hard-on.

She responds immediately, kissing me back hard, her hands slipping into my hair and gripping my head. It seems like she’s afraid I’ll pull away if she lets go, but I’m not going to. Not right now, anyway.

Slipping my tongue into her mouth, I groan as she opens her lips wider and tongues me back. I love the taste of her. She’s delicious.

Things move quickly and before I know it, I’m lying on top of her, my knees between her spread thighs and our pelvises pressed together.

She’s wearing a skirt today so there’s not much between us stopping our bodies from being skin to skin.

The idea of that thrills me and I start to rock against her, my erection sliding back and forth against her material-covered pussy.