Page 113 of The Other Brother

I’m in a deep, dark place. A hole at the bottom of the ocean. I can look up and see past the miles and miles of blackness to the a hint of light at the top, but there’s no way I’m breaking the surface anytime soon.

I’m curled up in my bed. It’s midmorning, and Mum and Dad have gone to work. Mum’s left her car for me because I’m supposed to have my biology exam this morning. But I watch the time tick down on my clock on the wall with mild indifference.

Does it really matter if I don’t show up?

Nothing matters much at the moment.

There’s a creak on the stairs, and my pulse picks up. No one else is supposed to be in the house.

Then my muscles relax. If it’s an axe murderer, then they can have me. Might be an easy way to go. End the pain.

“Hey, don’t you have an exam today?” Mel’s standing in my doorway. Her expression is probably similar to an axe murderer as she sees me lying in bed.

“What are you doing here?” I manage.

“I wanted to study somewhere quiet, and Mum said I could do it here. She said you had your biology exam today.” Mel raised an eyebrow pointedly.

“What’s the point?” I mutter as I roll over.

But it appears my sister isn’t done with me because I hear footsteps approaching my bed.

“What the hell is going on?” she asks.

“What do you mean, what’s going on?” I stare resolutely at the wall. I’ve ripped down the photo of the sunrise at Orakahau, but a piece of squished Blu Tack is embedded in the wallpaper.

“I mean, why aren’t you going to your exam?”

I reach out to squash the Blu Tack further into the wallpaper. “Why bother? I’m probably not going to get a good mark, anyway. What’s the point of trying?”

“But you’ve been working hard.”

Tears threaten, and I put a hand to my eye socket, trying to force them back. I’d punch them into submission if I could. Because it doesn’t matter how hard I work on things, it turns to shit. Not caring is a much better option. Only it’s fucking too late for that now, isn’t it?

“This is not just about your exam, is it?” Mel says slowly.

“What do you mean?” I turn over to look at her.

“This retreat to your bed, shut out the world mode. This isn’t just you freaking out about your exam.”

I don’t say anything.

Mel sits down tentatively on the edge of my bed.

“I told you this thing with Cody would end badly,” she says.

“Yeah, ‘I told you so’ is really what I need right now.” I scrub my face with my hand.

Shit. The tears that have been hanging out in my tear ducts decide now is a good time to make an exit. I rub my eyes angrily.

Mel’s staring at me like I’ve grown another head. “Shit. You really care about him, don’t you?”

I don’t say anything. But I’m fairly sure my face is a fucking essay in misery.

Mel continues to stare at me. “I’m sorry, Ryan,” she says finally.

“What for?” My voice is rough, raw.

She hesitates. “You’ve always been the happy-go-lucky one. Everything has always been a joke to you. I guess I forget that underneath it all, you feel things intensely too.”