Page 112 of The Other Brother

“You want to see if our chemistry extends outside the classroom?” I say.

I know she’s into me by how hard she laughs at my joke. It wasn’t that funny.

She presses up against me, making sure I feel her generous curves.

Previously, I would have been all over her, trying to lose myself in someone new. She’s right there in front of me, an invitation in her eyes. A mouth offering potential ruin. But I can’t.

Because it would be the wrong lips kissing me, the wrong hands sliding on my skin.

“Sorry,” I say abruptly, pulling away.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“I can’t. I’m… I’m still hung up on someone.”

Jasmine studies me, her head tilted to the side. “Have you told this girl how you feel?”

“It’s not a her. It’s a him. And yeah, he knows.”

Jasmine shrugs. “Then you’ve done all you can, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I stuff my hands in my pocket.

“Get back to me when you’re in a different headspace,” she says, sauntering away.

Fuck, I’d cut off my own head and transplant it onto someone else if it meant I’d get in a different headspace.

I walk outside. There’s no one out here, partly because it’s turn-your-chest-hair-into-icicles freezing tonight.

I’m sobering up now, big time. The cold night air slaps me back to reality.

I trudge over to the pool that glints darkly in the moonlight. It’s cold, but I’m in a masochistic mood, so I strip off my shoes and socks, rolling up my jeans so I can sit on the edge of the swimming pool and dangle my feet in the water. The cold water finishes the job of sobering me up. Which is good, because my brain is churning over a new concept, and I need all of my brainpower to think this through.

Both Oz and Jasmine asked me something tonight that I can’t stop thinking about.

Cody knows how I feel about him, doesn’t he?

But I never really laid it out, did I? I walked away because of the amount I cared, not the opposite. He knows that, surely?

I think of how he asked if we were exclusive, how he said he didn’t know where he stood with me. How our sisters accused me of just messing around with him.

That’s the problem with joking around all the time. No one gets it when you’re actually serious about something. I’ve been so worried about protecting myself, about not being good enough for him, I haven’t been straight up with him about how I feel.

I need to tell him.

I take a long time, my feet dangling in the freezing water, to compose the few lines of my message.hey, just want to say I’m still here. these last few months haven’t just been messing around for me. you’re my shot of tequila. i’ll wait.

My stomach is sloshing as I press the send button. Nerves and beer do not play nice together.

Ten minutes later, my phone lights up with his reply.

Don’t wait for me.

Chapter30

Don’t wait for me.

The words are like vicious vultures, circulating in my head. Ready to peck me to death.