Page 60 of The Night Shift

Theo

Three years ago

November 14th, 2019

People don’t change. You might think that they will, that perhaps one day things will, but in the end, the sun will always set in the west and we’re all just fucking fools because peopledon’tchange.

I disconnect the call and stuff my phone back inside my pocket. Soft music pours into the banquet hall, already distracting me from the pain spreading across my jaw from clenching it too hard. Attentive, white-gloved servers hold trays of sparkling wine aloft, filtering through the well-dressed crowd, and blue rose centrepieces rest atop each high-top table. Eden General is a good hospital — not the best, but certainly good enough given the sheer extravagance of this mixer.

There’s a huge board put up next to the entrance with a particularly unflattering picture of the Chief of Surgery along with an extremely cheesy welcome message:

Welcome EGH interns!Consider yourself embraced!

A server walks past me. I grab a glass of whiskey off his tray and walk through the door, my eyes already searching for the head of the pediatric department. Ergo the man I’m supposed to suck up to for the rest of the night.

Several heads turn my way as I tread deeper into the room — mostly women. Which isn’t surprising since I look quite good in this rental all-black suit. As far as first impressions go, I think I’m going to be off to a great start. It’s going to be great. Everything’s going to begreat. I repeat the word to myself until it’s all I hear. I take a sip of my drink. Whiskey. Neat. Just what I needed. There’s nothing like the bold flavour of whiskey and its strong burn to remind you that you’re alive. And then quickly dull that feeling.

The glaringly bright lights from the ceiling reflect off the polished white tiles. I take another sip of my drink, relishing the way it makes my chest burn.

In an ideal situation, I would ditch this mixer and catch the first flight back home. But life is never ideal. And that’s all right. At least here, the harsh lights feel honest.

I squeeze my way through the crowd, heading towards a small vacant table in the center of the room. The alcohol seems to be working. There’s a numbness in my body now. Like all of my blood is being replaced with ice chips. But somehow even that isn’t enough, because as much as I try to fight it, my mind slowly starts to go back to the phone call.

“It happened a few hours back. Don’t worry. She went peacefully.”

“You can come home for the funeral if you want to,but it’s best if you don’t.”

A small shameful part of me wonders what would happen if I called him back. What would he say to make it better? To make it hurt less. Would he want to make it hurt less? Has he ever? There’s a voice in my head reminding me of every littletransgression he has ever committed, repeating and swirling in my head, over and over again like a chorus until a certain kind of madness descends over me. I imagine calling Em, but I don’t know what I’d even say. I imagine calling Mum and asking for help and the thought drenches me in an abrupt, cool quiet. A white-hot slow drip of pain and anger ices me to the last cell. A screw tightens in my chest. The room gets noisier. Louder. Hotter. I finish my drink and set the empty glass down on the high-top table.

“Excuse me, sir?” A gruff voice says to my left. It’s one of the servers. He offers me a flute of champagne. I accept.

I take a sip. Then another. And another. Until there’s nothing left inside the glass. The room has grown really fucking hot with so many people. I rub my thumb against the smooth surface of the table. My throat tightens and it gets hard to breathe. I loosen my tie and rub my temples, trying to lessen the throbbing pain pulsing between them and a fresh wave of unwanted memories crashes in my brain with every stab. Some from twelve years ago and some just a few minutes old.

“You and your sister would be nothing without me.”

“You’re just like your mother. A filthy liar just like her.”

The more I think about him, the angrier I get. A bead of sweat trickles down my spine. God, why the fuck is it so hot in here? The pounding in my head is starting to get extremely irritating. I need something to take my mind off of this. I need a fucking distraction.

Swallowing hard, I let my gaze wander across the hall, desperate to find something other than the throbbing in my head to focus on. Something other than the goddamn loss.

I spot the head of the paediatrics department in the far corner of the room. He’s standing with a woman, his wife, both laughing and red faced. She takes a sip from her wine glass andplaces one hand on her husband’s shoulder, still laughing as if he’s a comedy special come to life.

Next to them is the head of trauma surgery. Dr. Corbin. He’s talking to some woman too. Definitely not his wife. A frown creases my forehead. I can’t see her face yet, but even then, I can’t help but look her over. She’s wearing a long, dark-green, satin dress and a pair of gold heels. It’s a nice green. It suits her.

A breeze skates in through somewhere, tickling the back of my neck, and I see Mystery Girl bring her arms together, a visible shiver working its way through her body. Concern for her wellbeing eats at me from within. I’m not sure why. But then she turns around and my entire world comes to a standstill. My breath catches in my throat. My pulse drums in my ears.

Jesus, this girl isbeautiful. She is nothing short of perfect, actually. She’s straight out of a picture book.

Her short blonde waves frame her face. Her big brown eyes are rimmed with thick, long lashes. She seems a few years younger than me. Perhaps twenty-four or twenty-five? She’s shorter than me too. Perhaps five-foot-four? Or five-foot-five. Her bright red lips are curved up in a smile, her cheeks glowing, andGod, she is so fucking captivating it almost hurts. So goddamn beautiful.

Curiosity ignites my blood.

Without permission, my feet start taking me towards her, like a baby turtle following the moon to get home.

Dr. Corbin says something, making her smile and something heavy turns over in my chest. My body loosens. That smile could light up the entire world. I think it does.

I want her to smile again. I want to be the one to make her smile.