Page 41 of The Night Shift

I’m not really sure what’s happening right now, but still, I nod.

“My mom used to say that to me,” she goes on. I see a single yellow tube light flickering in the distance. “I never really understood what that meant. I feel like I’ve beennotokay for so long that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be okay. I…I thought I’d be fine like this.”

“Like this?”

“Yeah.This.” There’s something about the panic in her voice that makes my heart shrink two sizes. It makes me pay more attention to her. To look closer at the sharp line of her jaw, the way her collarbone juts out over her chest, the tiny scar near her forehead that I never noticed before. In this light, her skin looks so pale against all her dark clothes. She looks so sad. So small.

“Do you want to sit down?” I ask her.

She just shakes her head again. “It gets so lonely. I’m so lonely all the time. I’ve always been alone, so I don’t understand why it’s so hard now. I didn’t realize it would take so much energy and hard work to pretend that things are fine. I’m tired. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I just want things to go back to how they used to be and —” She stops abruptly and something along the lines of shame flits across her face as she meets my eyes again. “Oh god, I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t…fuck, I didn’t mean to unload everything on you. Jesus, we don’t even know each other all that well.”

“That’s okay. I lost your clothes. The least I can do is listen to you vent about having an existential crisis.”

A sad smile tugs at her lips, fading just as quickly as it appears, and a deep frown creases my brows almost as if her pain is my pain.

“I don’t know who else to talk to.” Her voice is down to a whisper.

“What do you mean?”

Audrey shakes her head, and a single tear falls down her cheek before she wipes it away. My phone vibrates in my hand. I sneak a peek.

April: ETA?

Holly: 30 minutes.

April: Okay :) I’m trying on my wedding dress till you get here

Holly:

“Sorry, that was my sister,” I say to Audrey, sliding my phone inside my pocket.

“That’s okay. I need to go anyway.”

“Oh. Yeah, me too.” A brush of disappointment skims my skin. I shake it off. She apologizes for “unloading” on me again and after a full minute of silence, I tell her it’s okay.

She reassures me that I don’t have to pay for the clothes, and I open the bathroom door for her. Smiling, Audrey disappears into one of the stalls and I go back to the bar.

Camille makes me a gin martini, and I sit there for the next twenty minutes.

I don’t see Audrey leave the bathroom. Not even once.

“Oh. My. God.” April clasps her hands below her chin as I emerge from the foyer wearing the bright blue maid of honor dress. “Holly, you look so beautiful.”

“I look like a blue parrot.”

Ignoring my remark, April stands up from the bed, the white tulle of her wedding gown falling around her in the most magnificent manner. “Turn, please.”

Begrudgingly, I oblige. “You’re lucky I love you enough to put up with this nonsense.”

“It is not nonsense. It’s for my wedding and you really do look very pretty.” She walks over and starts fixing my hair.

“I don’t mean the dress.” I slap her hand away. “I mean you getting married to a real-life troll doll.”

April grabs a silver hair clip from her dressing table and slides my short blonde waves to one side. “Funny. You should include that in your maid of honor speech.”

“I’m saving that one for the bachelorette. But don’t worry, I have something even ruder planned for the wedding.”

April rolls her eyes, and I crack a smile.