Page 16 of The Night Ride (SEALs on Wheels #3)

He wiped his mouth on a napkin, with only crumbs remaining on his plate. “No, not yet. But I’ve got twenty-one months until I hit my retirement.”

“I’m sure your folks will be happy once you retire. Where are they at again?”

Shadows crossed his eyes. “I guess your brother didn’t tell you.”

“No, he never told me anything about you guys other than you were still alive and in one piece.”

“Mom had a stroke almost three years ago. She held on long enough for me to make it back home and see her. But then she slipped away.”

I put a hand over his, comforting him because I knew the pain of losing my parents. Even though my mom and I didn’t see eye to eye, losing her was damn hard. “I’m so sorry. It’s not easy, losing them, regardless of what your relationship was with them before they pass. What about your dad?”

“He’s gone too. I think after mom passed, he just didn’t want to go on living without her. They were married for forty-five years.”

“It’s strange once they’re both gone isn’t it. How alone you feel in the world.” In many ways I’d felt like an orphan after dad passed.

“I’ve been lucky to have my unit. They saw me through the worst of it.”

“That’s nice.”

“Who saw you through the worst of your parents?”

His question almost made me want to laugh.

I knew it would sound pathetic, but I’d always been able to talk to him in a way I never could with anyone else.

It’s part of what made our connection so strong, and the way things ended five years ago so difficult.

But the margaritas had loosened my lips.

“The same person who has seen me through it all—me.”

“But surely there was someone?”

“Who? My mom wasn’t there and when she was, she wasn’t a peach.

Evan was usually halfway around the world.

Nora was too young and going down her own path.

I’ve got friends sure, but no one who’s my ride or die.

My friend, Tracy, is close to that, but she’s married with two kids and is always busy with family. ”

“Fuck, Beth. Why didn’t you tell Evan?”

“What would have been the point? It’s not like he could do anything.

And I didn’t want him worrying about me.

I didn’t want to tell him anything that might distract him, that might get him killed.

Not that it wound up mattering much, anyway.

” I rose from my seat and took my empty plate over to the sink.

I ran the water over the dirty plate for a moment, fighting back tears.

I’d been on my own most of my life it seemed. When life got hard, I dealt with it the best way I knew how. But the hits kept coming and my strength waned. I kept getting up each day only to wonder what was the point.

Strong arms circled me from behind. His sandalwood scent tickled my nostrils. “I’m so sorry, Beth.”

The dam broke. I didn’t mean to start sobbing. But my life had been one hardship after another. And discovering someone I had trusted was stealing from me on the heels of Evan’s passing was too much. Even statues crumbled under too much pressure.

Aiden shifted me gently until I faced him, still holding me.

“I’ve got you. Just let it all out, babe.” He stroked a gentle hand down my back, soothing me with his touch.

I fell apart in his arms.

He held me through the violent storm of grief.

Until the storm abated and it became just hiccups.

My eyes were gritty and puffy from crying.

I was certain I looked horrendous. Yet the last time I’d felt this safe, I had been in his arms on the dance floor.

I didn’t understand why Aiden seemed to be my safe harbor only that he was and I couldn’t explain it.

Lifting my face, it was on the tip of my tongue to thank him. But by shifting my head it put our mouths inches from one another. My gaze zeroed in on his lips. Shrouded by dark gold stubble, his bottom lip was fuller than the top.

Maybe it was the margaritas. Perhaps it was the crying jag making me feel vulnerable. Or maybe even the unexpected offer of comfort from a man who I knew was tougher than steel.

I did what came naturally. Lifted my mouth further until our breaths mingled.

Aiden cupped the side of my face. His hands were callused and strong. And I leaned in. There were so many things I should do instead. Warning bells went off inside me.

I didn’t listen to a single one. I was so tired of fighting what I wanted.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

His lips crashed into mine with grenade like force.

My hands slid up his muscular chest until I looped them around his neck and held on.

He pulled me closer until our bodies were plastered together.

It felt like I’d been waiting for him my whole life.

And kissed me in a way I’d only been kissed once before—by him—five years ago until it felt like every fiber of my being was attuned solely on him.

The rest of the world ceased to exist. It was just the two of us, locked in a timeless embrace.

I never wanted the kiss to end. Nothing else mattered but this, here and now in this moment.

Desire lashed me. I wanted to climb him like a tree and hang on for dear life. This was stupid and reckless and…oh god, I no longer cared as he sucked on my bottom lip and grazed it with his teeth.

I pressed closer, aching as his hands trailed down and cupped my ass. Oh god, I wanted us both naked. I yearned to feel him inside me.

I craved him. It was that simple and that complex.

My legs were shaky and weak-kneed. I kissed him with equal fervor, drowning in the pleasure infused sensations bombarding my form.

Aiden was larger than life and in his arms, he eclipsed the sun.

No other man had ever compared to him. But then he was the gold standard, the man I used to compare every other guy I had ever dated with. Not a single one had ever measured up.

Because they weren’t Aiden.

Since I was fifteen, I had gazed at him with stars in my eyes.

The same emotions had shot through me when we reconnected when I was twenty-one.

The night I wanted to give myself to him, body and soul.

Instead, he left me on that dance floor broken-hearted and wondering why I hadn’t been enough.

Because deep down I’d known that I had transformed my body for him, and I had still been found lacking.

The thought ripped me out of the amorous mood. I shoved against his chest, giving him a signal to back off.

Aiden was a gentleman and lifted his mouth, but he didn’t release me.

“What’s wrong?” His gaze dipped to my lips. And I almost ignored the warnings blaring in my head.

But I needed to know the truth, no matter how hard it might be to hear it. “Why did you push me away that night?”

“Beth.” He winced and dropped his arms, backing away.

I followed him, unwilling to let it go. “No. No more bullshitting. When you realized who I was you walked away.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and then growled. “Dammit, you were my friend’s little sister. You were completely off limits. I never should have touched you or flirted with you. I never should have imagined you the way I did. And I sure as shit shouldn’t have kissed you that night.”

“But you wanted me.”

“Of course I did. What kind of question is that? How could I not want you? You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”

I brushed off his compliment, even as my heart swooned. Because I was angry and hurt over what he did. “Yet you still walked away like it meant nothing to you. Like I meant nothing.” I slapped my hand against my chest, my bottom lip trembling.

“Dammit, Beth, I was trying to do the right thing. I never should have touched you. After that your brother never trusted me after I broke faith with him.”

“And what about me? You left me to fight another battle on me own, just like everyone else in my life.” I pressed my lips still swollen from our kiss together. Because it was all so goddamn tragic.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do.” He reached for me. But I took a step back, putting distance between us.

“Clearly. But I don’t think this,” I gestured between us, “is a good idea.”

“Why? Because of what happened five years ago?”

“We had a moment five years ago, nothing more, nothing less. Just like we had one tonight, but it means nothing.”

“Bullshit. There’s more than that between us.”

“There might have been once.” Once upon a time I would have given him all of me, body, heart, and soul. But that was when I still believed in fairytales and happily ever afters.

“But not now? Is that what you’re saying Beth? You’re denying the chemistry between us.”

“I’m not denying that there’s heat between us. But I’m not willing to settle for someone who only wants a roll in the sheets. And when it comes down to it, I don’t trust you to stick when things get hard. Why would I? You left me to deal with my brother alone.”

“Beth, I—”

“No. You don’t get to pretend like that didn’t happen. Instead of manning up and standing shoulder to shoulder with me, you walked away.”

“Your brother was my commander. He pulled rank. You were there and saw him do it. Our team has an unwritten code that you don’t mess with each other’s family. You were off limits. I don’t know how to explain that any more fully.”

My heart clenched at all the time I had spent mooning over him.

“Aiden, by leaving me that night, walking away like you did, you ensured that instead of my first time being with a guy I found interesting, with loads of chemistry, who would have made my first time enjoyable, it was a nightmare instead.”

His anger deflated like a burst balloon. He wrapped control around himself like a blanket. Gone was the passionate potential lover and in its place was the soldier who had seen too much to ever fully be okay.

“What do you mean a nightmare?” He asked, those steel-blue eyes calm on the surface but spoke volumes of anger beneath.

Because he knew. He understood with perfect clarity what had happened to me but wanted it spelled out.

“Because instead of my first time being with you that night, a year later I was raped at a college frat party.”

“Fuck. Beth.” He reached for me, to pull me into his arms and hold me again.

Yet I backed away. I didn’t want the comfort he offered laced with pity. “I can’t do this with you, Aiden. I want you. I won’t deny that. But I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust you because you’re not the sticking type. And I could never be with a man I can’t trust.”

His face shuttered every bit of emotion.

My heart ached. If he had stood at my side, things might have been different. But he left me to face dragons alone.

“I’m going to go take a long bath and will clean this all up later.”

“Beth, I’m so sorry I messed up back then. I want to do right by you. But I don’t know that I can give you what you deserve. I have to go back to Norfolk and finish out my twenty. Until then, I can’t do the dating thing. Relationships are too damn hard when you’re overseas half the time.”

I saw his remorse mixed with his desire for me.

My heart broke a little more. Because I understood what he was saying.

If I chose to be with him while he was here, that was all it would be.

There would be no promises of tomorrow. And I didn’t know if I would ever be okay with only breadcrumbs from him.

“I know. But the thing is, I’d had a crush on you since I was fifteen.

That night meant something to me. Yet I would have just been another notch on your bedpost that night.

Another women you wouldn’t remember come morning.

If I’m understanding you correctly, that hasn’t changed in five years.

But what’s different this time is me. And I deserve better. ”

And this time, I walked away.