Page 16 of The Night Is Defying (Nytefall Trilogy #2)

16

A straea

When Auster brought me to Althenia for the second time, he assigned handmaidens to help me change before we ventured into the city.

Unease at the elaborate wears that took a lot of pleading to get me into crept over me. The gown was pure white and silver and it was like a waterfall of crystals fell from a train at my shoulders. It was elegant, but a statement.

My hair was braided so many times before it was pinned into a gathering at the back of my head. Then what I wouldn’t cave to was the diadem they were insistent I wear.

I didn’t want the attention, but Auster wasn’t content with me covering up under a black hooded coat. They looked at me and tried to hide their horror when I asked if they had any gowns of black or even a dark purple instead. I couldn’t explain why the pale color didn’t appeal to me, like it weighed purity and expectation on me.

“Now that is a star-maiden,” Rose’s voice said in appreciation as she entered the room.

She agreed to change too, but her pink gown was far less elaborate. With the spectacle they made of my appearance, I may as well have walked out onto the balcony and screamed my title.

“It’s too much,” I groaned.

Rose tried to hold down her amusement. “It’s… a lot,” she agreed. “But what do I know of your Maiden customs.”

About as much as me , I thought.

“You look magnificent,” Auster interrupted.

I turned to find him in the archway into the room. He was a sight to behold too. No longer clad in his black and navy leathers, he wore an impeccable embroidered jacket of deep blue and white. A silver circlet laid naturally on his head now. The perfect depiction of ethereal royalty.

“It feels like it will draw a lot of attention,” I said, nervously picking at the crystals on the bodice and glancing back to the mirror.

“I hope so,” Auster said, trailing his gaze over me as he stalked closer. “The people have been wishing for your return for centuries, Astraea. Let them feel the hope and joy to have you back.”

I didn’t argue. It felt too much too soon when I wanted to discover all that it meant to be the star-maiden before I felt the weight of the full expectations of what it meant to be her.

I caught Zadkiel joining us behind Auster, and he exchanged a pleasant smile with Rose.

“Will Zephyr be joining us too?” I asked eagerly. Even though we’d only gotten to meet briefly last time, I’d thought about him since and wanted to explore his easy company more.

“Not this time,” Auster said.

My shoulders fell a little.

Auster’s hand grazed the small of my back and I drew a sharp inhale. The shock of the touch stole him from the reflection and erased the room around me.

In this vision he stood in front of me, far younger now. The room we were in was dark, glowing with warm firelight. His hand on my back pulled me closer—too intimately close—and my protest pushed him away with a hand to his chest before he could kiss me.

I snapped back to the bright daylight of the dressing room with a single stumble back from that unexpected flash of memory. Auster’s hand circled my waist now as if to catch me. Steady me. My heart was thundering and my whole body turned stiff in his hold.

“Are you all right?” he asked; concern pinched his brow.

“Yes,” I said, shaking my head to clear it. “Can we go to the city now?”

“I know just where to begin,” Zadkiel said with a bright grin.

Outside I was once again marveling that I only needed a light coat here when across the veil was bitterly ice cold in a long winter. The streets were made of pristine white and beige stones. Many of the buildings were white with dark wooden supports, doors, and signages. It wasn’t as bustling as Vesitire’s tiered city, but what constantly caught my attention with awe was the many sets of wings.

I stared after each set in admiration, until the celestials started staring back. Stopping their walks and whispering with one another. That’s when I started noticing people following, watching, gawking. I caught faint murmurs of “Maiden” and my skin began to crawl; my posture straightened too unnaturally from the attention. As if I was an impostor in the skin they doted on. That I hadn’t the chance to become the hope they thought I was and I wished I’d fought against the proud icon they’d made of me.

Auster’s hand gravitated to my back again, but it inspired the opposite of the comfort I thought he was trying to give.

Instead, I focused on what I could control. My breathing. My thoughts. I let my sight drift further up to try to forget the gathering crowds and the volume of voices that grew. I found beautiful purple banners hanging above our heads between some of the buildings. They glowed like magick infused them and my hand raised to my chest, recognizing the same constellation adorned them that also marked my skin. On the banners it shone over a simplified version of the key as a staff between silver wings.

“What are they for?” I asked, finding more things with that sigil, such as posters and other types of banners.

“It’s Star-Maiden Day next month,” he explained, admiring them with me.

My cheeks warmed to that.

“Why would there be such a day?”

“It’s the anniversary of your creation. Your birthday, so to speak. It is the biggest celebration of the year and used to be across the whole continent. They might have let your existence become a fable across the veil, but everyone here remembers. This will always be your true home.”

“What happens on Star-Maiden Day?”

“It’s a day of unity and complete peace in your name. Between noon and twilight everyone visits their nearest temple to pray to the Maiden. Families come together, those without are always welcomed in. People will feast and laugh and enjoy company. In the past you would have been here, visiting people and spreading your love that was always endearing and infectious. You touched one person with your words or just your presence and they carried it through masses.”

It all sounded wonderful, like a fairytale I wished to be part of and hoped to gain back. That tale lifted my spirit here and I smiled back at some of the celestials in passing.

Zadkiel led us to a massive round building and the moment we stepped inside, my pace slowed to the most incredible, huge, and wondrous invention I’d ever seen. It was both daunting and exhilarating, though I had no idea what I stared up at that took up the entirety of the domed hall.

“Welcome to one of my personal favorite spots, the Solar Sphere,” Zadkiel announced proudly, his voice echoing beautifully in this place.

“What is it?” Rose said, as awestruck as I felt trying to take in what looked like a sculpture of spheres and stars and the moon, but it moved.

“It tracks the position of planets and stars beyond us. The universe is vast and full of the unknown,” Auster explained.

“It helps us know when solar magick is strongest. Look,” Zadkiel said excitedly. I walked closer to him and followed his gaze up to a gold carving of the sun and moon. “We’re actually close to the opposite. A solar eclipse that unfortunately is predicted to fall on Star-Maiden Day this time. There are a couple of astronomers who say that it won’t, and those who are predicting that are trying to scare people into believing it’s a bad omen to be wary of.”

“That’s a bad thing?” Rose wondered up at the sun and moon that moved, barely detectably, toward each other.

“For as long as I can remember there’s been an old superstition that when an eclipse falls on Star-Maiden Day, the wrath of the gods will rain,” Auster said.

My throat turned dry and I swallowed hard as my sight fell from the metal structure to Auster. He merely smiled like it was a scary story he had never entertained a true belief in, but I was haunted by the notion.

“Will you celebrate with us on Maiden day? It would mean everything to those who could see you here. Our lands are vast, but even staying in the Nova province would be the greatest gift,” Auster said, so kind and encouraging it was becoming hard to think of anything but keeping his hope from draining every time he looked at me with those soft brown eyes.

“I would like to,” I said, and I meant it.

It was a month away. That would be enough time to tell Nyte I’d been coming here. And if he opposed… I didn’t want to think about that right now. I knew he couldn’t pass the veil, and though it hurt deeper than in my chest to imagine defying or somehow hurting him, I had to come here.

“He never told you about Star-Maiden day, did he?” Auster asked.

“Not yet,” I said quietly.

“He likely never would have if he could help it.”

“That’s not true.”

“You don’t remember the decades he hunted you. When you were aware and elusive toward him, never letting him find you, while you watched him. Waiting for your chance and figuring out his weaknesses. None of us could have predicted you’d become his biggest one.”

My heart skipped at that sudden enlightenment. It was something I already knew, but it hit me differently hearing it for the first time from someone on the outside. I didn’t want to ask when I didn’t know Auster too well yet—but I wondered when he had discovered that my hunt for Nyte had turned into something else. I didn’t want to believe I would have led Auster on if I was gaining feelings for Nyte… but once again I was back to being sickeningly overwhelmed by the idea I could hate the person I was.

“Dragons,” Rose said in a breath of wonder that traveled to us from the echoing hall.

I held Auster’s stare for a moment longer and his expression seemed to war pity with yearning, then I dragged my sight to Rose.

“Celestial dragons,” Zadkiel corrected.

“What’s the difference?” she asked, tracing over the carvings into stone.

I approached her with piqued interest. My lips parted in stunned admiration of the depictions.

“They say the celestial dragons were like royalty among the species during the age they filled these lands. Their wings are feathered, which sets them apart. Legend has it that they’re not all truly gone. That they’re still here, on our land, waiting to be awakened. That they were only forced into hiding to prevent annihilation around seven hundred years ago, before your first reign.”

My head whipped to Zadkiel. “Is it true?”

He shrugged, folding his arms. “It would take one of their direct kin to do it. So unless one survived I don’t think so.”

I thought about the dragon egg I’d gotten in the maze. For a second magick hummed in me, but I fought the urge to reach through the void and retrieve the egg. I didn’t know where the rush of doubt came from, like it could be taken from me if I showed it to Auster and maybe he’d say it belonged here in Althenia even if it was just to be a prized artifact the people could come to gawk at.

“Do you have a library?” I asked, when I hadn’t discovered what it took to hatch an egg but perhaps I might find it here.

“We can go there next time,” Auster said warmly.

I sulked a little at that.

“I don’t know when the next time will be,” I admitted. “Not without telling Nyte.”

The mention of him fell the kindness from Auster’s face. It rattled an internal chill to watch how fast his mood could switch.

“Then stay with us,” he said, stepping closer and dropping his tone so soft and pleading. “Stay with me, here. This is where you belong.”

He took my hand and the contact scattered pin pricks up my arm. Conflict began to drum in my chest like I wanted to feel the same yearning he had in this touch but instead I was trying not to rip my hand away.

“I still have much to learn on the mainland. You said you weren’t ready for war and me leaving him could incite one.”

“We’ll be safe behind the veil for a while. As long as it takes to get your wings and full power back and ready our armies. We’ve been preparing for a long time, just waiting for our final piece—you.”

I shook my head. “I’ve been getting some memories back—”

“From him?”

The dark tone in that accusation unsettled me. I pulled my hand free then.

“He’s the only one who can give me some insight to begin threading the past together.”

Auster huffed, giving me a look over as if I was a naive child and my cheeks flamed.

“He is your enemy, Astraea,” Auster snapped. “How can you look at him, trust him to plant thoughts in your head, when all your people have suffered because of him.”

“It’s not just him.”

“You’re right. It’s you. ”

That struck like a searing pain through my abdomen. Enough that it felt so tangible when my hand hovered there. Then I reached for my key with a trembling hand. It was still at my thigh but my mind was mocking me with the illusion that it was piecing my flesh instead.

“I’m sorry,” Auster said. His hands on me caused me to jerk away from him. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh.”

My heart raced and raced and I couldn’t tame it.

“I want to leave now,” I said.

I needed to be away. From him. Here. I needed a moment to reel back from the unexplainable pain that made my throat too tight to breathe and the air too hot to withstand. I was dying. Slowly and with the ache of something dark and terrible crying in my soul.

“Astraea.”

It was Rose calling my name, but she sounded too far away. I leaned on someone but I couldn’t make out faces, or objects, or anything.

All I could think about was how Nyte would never know something. I called to him but it was like we were separated by a thick wall of impenetrable darkness. Death itself. He couldn’t hear me, and I would never get to say goodbye.

Then I realized what had overcome me was a flicker of the most haunting memory I would ever get back. My death. I didn’t gain pictures of what happened that day but the dreadful, helpless feeling collapsed my knees.

I didn’t fall, I floated. Higher and higher but it didn’t matter if I was pulled up to the heavens or dragged down to hell, either way it was too far from the only person I wanted to stay right here in a mortal body for …

I woke with a sharp spear of air piercing my throat, not remembering falling asleep.

“Shit, you scared me.” Rose’s voice came around clearer as I tried to figure out where I was.

I didn’t recognize the room of blue with white floral decorations along the walls and elegant gold and white furniture. I propped myself up in a plush bed with blue satin sheets.

“You’re all right, dear,” an older voice said at my other side.

I jerked at her proximity and she leaned back with a patient smile. When I relaxed, she brought the cloth to my head again.

“As I understand it, you have a shortage in your blood,” she said.

“Yes,” I said, then rubbed my throat because of how awful I sounded.

“Here,” Rose said, holding a glass out to me. She helped me drink, and I felt miserable in my state.

“I think the events of the day took a toll on you. You haven’t taken any medicinal herbs or tonics before?”

“No,” I said, not elaborating my wariness of substances because of Goldfell.

I was glad to awake to Rose’s presence instead of Auster’s. Recalling what happened in the Solar Sphere, I didn’t want to explain why the worst of my past dragged forth at the most embarrassing, inconvenient moments sometimes. I lay back down when my head pounded to imagine what he must think.

Weak maiden. How was I to rule like I once did? I had a lot to prove and show here.

“What time is it?” I asked, suddenly panicked that I had to make it back to Vesitire before nightfall.

“Almost dinner hour.”

“We need to go,” I said, pushing myself up.

“Not so fast, young lady,” the older woman scolded, laying a frail hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been holding yourself back all this time. If you don’t get your health in check, you can’t possibly hope to recover your power or memories, dear.”

I hadn’t thought about them being connected. With a sheepish smile, I propped myself back against the headboard.

“I haven’t been great with pills,” I admitted.

Rose shared a look of understanding with me.

“How about a tonic then?” the woman said cheerfully.

I watched in fascination as she took a white pill and dropped it into a small bottle. Her hand waved over it to turn it into a silver liquid that looked like Starlight Matter.

“What is it?” I asked apprehensively when she held it out to me.

“It will compensate for the missing levels in your blood, that is all. If you remember to take it once a week, your health will greatly improve.”

It sounded nice, almost too good to be true when I’d lived a life of waking with fevers and dealing with prolonged headaches.

“Thank you,” I said, but I didn’t take the dose.

Her aged face pinched in understanding. She reached for a cork, and left it on the side table.

“My name is Agetha. I’m the court healer and at your call for anything, Astraea.”

I gave a grateful smile as she left.

“Why won’t you consider staying here?” Rose asked tentatively. “Is it just because of Nyte?”

It was the softest she’d ever spoken of him—even using his preferred name. So I knew she was trying to be gentle in the way she thought me a fool for not considering Auster’s offer.

“We don’t know Auster yet. I haven’t even met the other High Celestials besides Zephyr. It doesn’t feel right to abandon everyone and hide on this side of the veil. Zath is reluctant to come here, and what about Davina and the resistance?”

That dropped Rose’s gaze like she hadn’t considered everyone I’d be abandoning.

I watched her stand and gravitate closer to the long windows. The sun was beginning to set and we had to get back to the castle in Vesitire before Nyte did. But for a moment I was lost in the vulnerable sight of Rosalind. She hugged herself and stared out at the Nova province, lost in thought. It was then that I realized she wasn’t just talking about me abandoning everyone—she wanted to stay here too.

My legs swung gently off the bed.

“You’ve never spoken about your history,” I said carefully, like she might raise her steel guard any moment. “How you came to be in the Libertatem—your family.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” she said distantly.

“Living here won’t help you run away from whatever it is back home.”

“You can’t give me advice on running away,” she scoffed.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re hardly giving Auster a chance.”

“You hate Nyte, I get it. But you don’t know a thing about either of them.”

“Look at the world Auster wants to give you,” she gushed over the lands beyond the glass.

I didn’t have to look, because it didn’t matter to me. Nothing of land or beauty or things could replace Nyte so easily.

He was the home my soul chose.

“I know you don’t trust him, and I’m not going to convince you to like him. But he wouldn’t hurt me or you, nor would he let harm come to me.”

Rose’s hard expression targeted me. “He’s responsible for the death of thousands—perhaps millions,” she argued. “He is the villain in this war. The leader of the vampires.”

“It’s not as simple as that.”

“They own this world, Astraea. Stop being so naive just because the most wicked of them all decided you were his. ”

That hurt. Deeply.

I pushed off of the bed, taking a second on my feet for balance. Reaching for my coat, I didn’t want to argue with Rose when I didn’t think it would end well for either of us.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m not going to convince you what Nyte is or isn’t,” I snapped when I whirled around. “There are two kinds of belonging: possession and alliance. You’re right, I am his. Because I chose to take the hand that wanted to help me, not own me. I’m not naive. And I wish everyone would stop fucking treating me like I am.”

I made to leave.

“What Nightsdeath said…” Rose started. I stopped with my back to her. “How I wasn’t supposed to be in the game—it’s true.”

“You don’t have to call him that.”

“It’s what he is to me,” she said coldly. My teeth gritted at the hostility between us but I forced myself to hear her out. “I came to Vesitire to kill him, like Cassia said we would. I didn’t win Pyxtia’s trials to become the Selected for the Libertatem, but I couldn’t let Cass go there alone when I knew she would try to carry out our plan herself. So I… I had no choice. I switched the information about Pyxtia’s Selected for the Libertatem before it left for Vesitire.”

I watched her tell the story with so many twisting emotions I couldn’t place. Fear, regret. There was something else to it she’d left out, but it was enough of a struggle for her to tell this, so I didn’t push for now.

I didn’t know what to do, how to console her when a tear fell down her cheek. She swiped it quickly, sniffing hard as if it would halt the others gathering.

“I’m sorry you never got to meet Cassia in the end.”

“Me too,” Rose said, her head bowing.

“You should hate me,” I said. “When you saw me in her place. Why didn’t you hate me for being here instead?”

“I did,” she admitted. “Or at least I wanted to but… then I saw why Cassia loved you. Not because of so many explainable attributes when you seemed so opposite to her. It was something about your company. Being around you has some kind of energy that made me want to stop thinking. Thoughts of resentment for Cassia not being here. Anger at myself for what I’d done. Every time I was around you the present became more important and I wanted to learn what you are.”

I didn’t know what I’d done to make her feel that way, but I was grateful to have found a friendship I now treasured. As prickly and stubborn as she could be.

“You look better.” Auster’s voice cut our tension.

My spine straightened and I stood as he entered.

“We need to go,” I said to him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t well enough to enjoy my full time here.”

“It’s no matter, we’ll make sure the next visit isn’t so long away.”

I kept my mouth closed to that.

“May I have a moment alone with Astraea before you leave?” Auster asked Rose.

She nodded, casting me a look in case I objected, but I didn’t. Zadkiel waited by the door; she headed toward him.

“Are you sure you’re well enough? If you need more rest, we can deal with—”

“I’m fine. It was just a lot to take in for one day. The dress, the thought of Star-Maiden Day. I’ll be more prepared next time,” I assured.

That seemed to satisfy him. The promise of my near return.

Auster approached me and I let him. I was trying to be receptive to his advances. He moved to me like Nyte did sometimes—as if it was a natural habit and no time had passed at all. The only difference was me, my openness to Nyte in comparison to my reserve with Auster.

His hand raised, slow and ready to retreat if I reacted wrong. I did nothing but hold his brown eyes, trying to find a tether in them, something that would assure me had been something between us in the past that could spark again. His warm, tan skin across my cheek sped my pulse and this time I tried to pretend it was with the same yearning he doted on me.

“Have you visited the temple of your parents yet? In Vesitire,” he asked.

“No.”

His brow twitched to a near frown.

“I’m not trying to turn you against him, only trying to make you see why you did in the past. You should see the Gods of Dusk and Dawn and hear what they have to say.”

“They’re the ones who took my memories.”

In truth, I’d been too afraid of their disappointment in me. Their daughter, or perhaps I was just their creation, had fallen into dark hands once more. They pulled my memories to prevent it, and how was I to face them when they would regard me as their greatest failure before I’d even begun my life again?

“It’s not too late, Astraea. For you to choose right, and do right by your people.”

The avalanche of responsibility from that statement alone buried me to the point I struggled to breathe.

I nodded but it felt like a lie. As if I knew I wouldn’t be the hero he wanted me to be. What shook the fragile pillars of my existence was wondering if the villain was never Nyte… but me.