Page 56 of The Monsters Within

“Wh-what?”

Thorne looked at me questioningly.

“Tell him what you told me about when he left to go get food. How you felt the first night he didn’t come back.”

I dropped my head and stared at my hands. The pull to wake the monsters was so strong. I flexed my hands. My fingers wiggled on their own as they longed to dig into my skin.

I took a deep breath. I just needed them to wake up a little. Maybe one or two, just to get me through this. The index finger on my right hand worked its way under the frayed threads of the hole in my jeans. I traced the tattoo, trying to garner the strength to tell him something.

Anything that wouldn’t make him hate me.

I absently scratched at my skin, digging my nail into my leg.

“STOP!” Thorne yelled as he grabbed my hand. “Why are you doing this?”

I stared at my brother. I couldn’t tell him why. I couldn’t tell anyone why. Not the real reason. Not the reason I needed the monsters to take it all away. I didn’t want to feel it anymore. I didn’t want to remember it.

“Is this my fault?” he asked.

“What? No!” I cried, shaking my head.

“I tried to come back,” he whispered. “I tried to get away. But I didn’t want him to know about you. I had to protect you.”

“Mimic, can you tell Kytten what happened when you went to get food?” Dr. Dunaway asked.

The guilt and shame I saw on my brother’s face was something I never wanted to see. “It wasn’t his fault,” I said. “I didn’t listen. I didn’t stay where he told me to. It was my fault.”

“No one is at fault, Kytten. You were both children. You should never have been on the street, let alone left to fend for yourselves.”

That was what Melissa said. But I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe Dr. Dunaway either. Because if it wasn’t our fault, it was our mother’s fault. And I could never blame her.

She didn’t want to leave.

The man made her.

“I’m sorry you were scared,” Thorne said.

“I wasn’t scared because you left. I was always scared.” Dr. Dunaway nodded, encouraging me to go on. “I was lonely.”

“Me too,” Thorne whispered.

“Then what, Kytten?”

I glared at Dr. Dunaway. I didn’t want to tell Thorne this. It would make him feel bad.

“It’s as important for him to hear it as it is for you to say it, Kytten.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I felt abandoned.”

Thorne closed his eyes and squeezed my hand. “It wasn’t your fault,” I whispered.

“Mimic, tell Kytten why you didn’t come back.”

Thorne glared at Dr. Dunaway. “Can you leave?”

“No,” he answered.

“I don’t trust you,” my brother said. My eyes danced between them as they stared at each other.