Page 26 of The Monsters Within

Only I didn’t have a knife.

Cash had removed everything sharp from our room. Hash was always in the kitchen, and if he wasn’t, a prospect took over. Everyone in the clubhouse watched me like a hawk.

I had gotten used to it over the last few days and it didn’t bother me because the monsters stayed asleep. And it wasn’t just Cash that kept them away. Thorne did, too. Sam did.

Even Charlie had the same effect.

I hadn’t asked them to be a part of their family. I really wanted to, but fear kept me back. Fear of being told no.

I knew it didn’t make sense. Sam said it was my choice. All I had to do was say yes. But I couldn’t do it.

I had questions I couldn’t ask. Would she expect me to call her Momma too? Thorne didn’t call Jack dad, so I wasn’t sure how that worked.

Could I tell Sam my secret?

Could I replace Val? She would replace me once Amber was safe again.

No, it was too much. I scratched harder at my leg. My nails were too short. I should grow them out. No one could take my fingernails away.

“Kytten.”

I spun around and saw Ellie standing behind me. The monsters must have seen her too, because suddenly, they were quiet.

“Are you ok?”

A deep inhale was the only answer I had at the moment. I couldn’t speak. I was too busy looking for the monsters. Where had they gone? I needed them to take the feelings. I didn’t want them.

“Tell me what happened. Why are you upset?”

Could I tell her? Could I trust her?

Ellie was a real mom. Was Sam a real mom?

“Cash was being a jerk.” It came out as a whisper. I didn’t want to say it out loud. But I had to give it to someone, and the monsters had left me. Just like everyone in my fucking life, they left me, too.

Ellie chuckled. “I figured as much. No one can piss us off more than our old men.”

“He’s not my old man.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, and I nodded. I was sure. He may have said it in front of Thorne, but he never asked me. Never even talked about it vaguely like before he learned my secret.

“What did he do?” she asked as she rubbed her back. I dragged a chair over for her to sit. “Thank you.” She smiled and sat down, rubbing her belly.

“What’s it like?”

Her head cocked to the side, and she asked, “What’s what like?”

I pointed at her belly. “Being pregnant.”

She smiled again and blew out a breath. “Exciting, terrifying, exhausting, humbling. Pretty much any emotion you can think of, I’ve experienced it in the last six months.”

“I don’t think I can do that.” I would never be able to handle all those feelings, especially at once.

“Because of the monsters?”

My eyes snapped to hers. I expected pity or anger. Maybe condemnation. But all I saw was concern. She looked at me the way Val did the day she found me. I nodded, my eyes focusing on the ground beneath my feet.

“Are they bothering you now?”