Page 48 of The Masks We Wear (Satan’s Angels #1)

Harvey

I thought life after Brody Drake would be easy, a walk in the park, but oh how I was wrong.

From the moment I boarded the plane back to Nevada, I felt numb.

I continued to feel numb when I landed, the whole ride back to my house, and after stepping foot in my house.

Though I knew it was impossible, part of me wished I would step inside and Brody would be there waiting for me.

Part of me hoped she’d forgive me and that the house would look identical to her Japanese inspired home.

Imagine my disappointment when I forced myself to be rational and logical.

I walked away from her, I did this, and now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

The consequences in question? I can’t sleep, I can barely remember to eat, and that precious routine I once had?

I have absolutely no desire to get back into it.

I walk around my minimalist house from room to room like a ghost, miserable, and chest empty because I left my beating heart in Florida with Brody.

I walked away because that’s what I’ve always done when things got too hard.

I went to the military when I had too much responsibility on my shoulders when I was eighteen.

I sold my company when it got too big to manage and now I left the only woman I’ve ever had feelings for because it was too hard to admit to her and myself that I loved her and look where that got me.

Alone in a huge house, feeling numb from head to toe.

It was two days before I saw Lucy, I didn’t want to be a downer when she came over but being alone became too much and I needed her more than anything.

I needed the light she brings by just entering the room and when she came over, it took one look at my face and the light inside her dimmed.

Mom was okay with Lucy staying here for a while as expected, and I thought having her here would make me feel less numb, less empty, but it hasn’t, which worries me more.

It’s been a week since I left the woman I love behind, broken and aggrieved.

By now she should be in New Jersey on her second to last show.

I wonder if the girls ended up finishing the album.

I wouldn’t know because every time I text Selene for updates on Brody, she won’t give me any.

She just says, If you care so much, why did you leave?

And I never have a response. I wonder what Brody is doing right now, if she’s playing the drums or singing lyrics Aria and Ivory wrote.

I miss her voice, her scent, her smile, everything about her.

“Hello?” A small voice calls from behind me, grabbing my attention from where I got lost inside my head making breakfast.

I turn to find Lucy frowning at me from where she sits at the island. I force a smile for her, “What’s up?”

“I’ve been calling you for like two minutes,” Lucy complains.

I plate her breakfast and slide it over to her, remembering how I used to make Brody breakfast before the tour started. I wish I could go back to those days and savor the time we wasted hating each other. I wish I could’ve had more time. “Sorry, I zoned out for a second.”

Lucy tilts her head at me, “You’ve been zoning out a lot lately,” she mutters.

I nod at her breakfast, changing the subject, “Eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”

Lucy stabs at the eggs I made her with her fork but makes no move to put the food in her mouth. I watch her silently and after a few minutes, she drops her fork and folds her elbows on the table. She gives me an annoyed look and sighs, “I just don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?” I ask, little to no energy in my voice.

She shakes her head at me. “Why you left her if you obviously love her.”

I drop my chin to my chest and exhale. “We aren’t having this conversation,” I turn my back on her and start washing the dishes.

She snaps, “Harvey, you’re my big brother and I love you, but you have to stop treating me like a baby. I’m thirteen, not seven and I’m a big girl. You’ve tried sheltering me for years but I’m smart and I see things, okay?”

I turn around, completely at a loss. Lucy’s never taken up this kind of attitude or tone with me. “Lucy-”

She cuts me off by slamming her fists down on the granite countertop, “Don’t ‘Lucy’ me. You know I’m right. Why did you leave Brody if you love her?”

I grow impatient and I lose control, my temper getting the best of me. “You have no idea what you’re talking about so mind your own business and eat your breakfast.” Hearing Brody’s name on someone else’s lips sets me off, especially when my feelings for her are called into question.

She pushes her chair out from the table and steps off the barstool, “Fuck your breakfast,” she spits.

My eyes widen in shock. I’ve never heard her curse before, or take up this kind of demeanor with me. “Luce, watch your mouth,” I scold her, shock clear in my voice. For a second she reminded me of Brody and the thought almost makes me smile, but my shock overrules it.

She crosses her arms, rolling her eyes. “Why do you always treat me like a baby?”

“Because you’re my baby sister.”

“I was when I was a baby . I’m a teenager now,” she argues.

“Don’t remind me,” I groan.

She scoffs, “Harvey, you were always my hero. You’ve done everything for me since I was little that Mom was supposed to do but never did.

You always put me before yourself and I love you for doing it all, for being my mother and my father while being my big brother.

But when are you going to put yourself first?

I never saw you as happy as you were when we were with Brody and I saw the way you looked at her and the way she looked at you.

You love each other so I don’t get why you came home. ”

“I came home for you!” I snap.

Her eyes widen. “You left Brody because of me?”

I sigh, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms. “No,” I don’t want to put this weight on her so instead of being truthful with her, I decide to lie.

“Tell me the truth,” she demands, her silvery voice raising.

I lean against the counter with my hip as I watch her.

I scratch my beard to occupy my hands. Lucy’s right, I’ve sheltered her throughout her entire life.

I still treat her like a baby that can’t make her own decisions and it isn’t fair to her.

Lying to her right now would just make things worse.

I need to start treating her like an adult because pretty soon, she’ll be one and if I shelter her through her teen years, what kind of an adult would I be shaping?

I want her to be a strong woman who is independent and won’t take anything from anyone and if I want that for her, I have to treat her like it.

I drop my hand from my beard and straighten my posture. “Remember Dallas?”

She nods, “Yes, of course. He’s your best friend.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘best friend,’ More like my only friend,” I correct her and then get to the point.

“He called me after you and I spoke on the phone last week. He offered me a chance to stay in Los Angeles with Brody. I’d go back to the security company and branch out as his business partner,” I explain.

She interrupts, “How long would you have to live there?”

I shrug, “There was no limit. He gave me a chance to live there as long as I want and be with her.”

She deflates, her lips curving into a frown. “And I’d never see you?”

I shake my head, “I turned it down.”

“Because of me,” she states, no question in her voice.

I nod. “I don’t want to live far away from you. You need me, you need someone to guide you and we both know Mom isn’t gonna do it.”

Her eyes glaze over and a tear streams down her cheek, “I could’ve gone with you.”

I never considered the possibility of that.

I never considered uprooting her and Mom but Mom has never been tied to one place.

She could find one of her boyfriends anywhere.

Lucy? I never considered her moving. She’s young and in school, it wouldn’t have been fair to make her start all over again.

“I would never make you move because of me.”

She cracks, more tears pouring down her cheeks. “Harvey, I hate it here.”

My brows furrow, this grabs my attention. I never thought she didn’t like it here. She’s never given me a reason to think she wasn’t happy. “What do you mean?” “I mean, you travel a lot for work and I get stuck alone with Mom. I don’t fit in at school and I’m not happy here,” she cries.

I stride over to her with hurried steps and wrap my arms around her, her face pressing against my abdomen with our height difference. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you pay so much money for me to go to that school. You’ve made so many sacrifices for me,” she sobs and I rub gentle circles on her back.

I feel my own eyes glazing over. How could I have been so blind? How could I not tell she was unhappy? “I’m so sorry. I should’ve known.”

She shakes her head, “Not without me telling you. I’m sorry,” she apologizes.

I drop to my knees so that we’re on eye level. “You never have to apologize to me. Not ever.”

She breaks out of my arms and places her small hands on my shoulders, “Do you love her?” She doesn’t have to say Brody’s name for me to know she’s talking about her. My feelings for Brody are that obvious.