Page 56 of The Love of Our Lives

Ten months later

It’s a beautiful day outside, so I throw open the living room window of the little flat I found near the Meadows. I take in that early summer scent, the blue in the sky, the way the light is glinting merrily against the sandstone tenements opposite.

They certainly picked a good day for it.

First things first, though, I go to stroke my dark-haired cat, Polly, who is basking on her sunspot on a zigzag rug.

Then I head out for my morning run, just through the Meadows and the surrounding area today – I don’t need to go crazy to get the blood pumping through me after all.

On the way back, I stop off at the Purple Pineapple for a coffee and my weekend croissant, which I eat at the counter while I chat to Zoe, before heading home again.

I still miss the old building along the road, of course, think about it every day, but I get some comfort from knowing it’s not too far.

Next, I go shower, letting the water run all over my skin, my scar. I press my hand gently to it and feel Emily close to me; feel the glorious life coursing through me for yet another day, and hope I’ll make it good, for her sake, for Cat’s sake, and mine too.

Then when I get out and wrap myself in a towel, I stand in front of my now colourful wardrobe and consider what to wear. After a few seconds, I pick out an apple-green dress, which I team with my silver trainers. I’ll need to be agile today, of course.

A little light make-up on the face and a brush of my red hair, which I let flow out around my shoulders, and I’m done. Picking up my camera bag at the door, I head back out again into the sunshine.

It doesn’t take long to get there in my little second-hand car (I passed the test in no time, of course), but I savour the trip the whole way; that drive down The Bridges and across the Royal Mile, the swoop down the Mound with the old buildings and blue skies above, and then the busy hub of town ahead.

I come into the centre quite a lot now, to have dinner with a friend or coffee with one of the folk on my photography course.

Sometimes I go to a theatre production with Mum when we find something we like.

I’m always busy, always out the house, and even though I might not be throwing myself off cliffs, I have a pretty full life.

Because it’s my one and only. I wouldn’t swap it for any other one either – healthy body or not, because I reckon I live more in a day now than a lot of people do in a lifetime.

And I know that being able to do any normal things is a miracle – taking a walk, seeing a show, having dinner with my sister; helping other people for a change. It is all so very beautiful.

Eventually I reach my destination on the other side of town, and pull up next to the Botanics. To my left, the park opposite is already filling up with people running and playing tennis; doing some sort of outdoor dance class, where the male instructor dances like nobody is watching.

Smiling to myself, I get my kit out the car before heading into the Botanics itself.

I haven’t been here in a while, and as I gaze up at the ash and the sycamore trees, I think about how different everything was on my heart anniversary last year.

We’re changing up this year’s location completely as it happens, and will go out to see Jess and the boys in Amsterdam – for the second time in twelve months.

I can’t help feeling pretty nervous as I head towards the lawn at the heart of the Botanics, start seeing figures dotting around the place.

After all, I have no idea if he’ll be here at these birthday celebrations – Adam.

We met briefly already about six months ago, after I eventually told William who I actually was and whose heart I now had.

And though it shocked me to hear, Adam wanted to meet me.

It was strange and just a little bit stilted in the Purple Pineapple with William a week later, but it almost felt like a relief too – to see him again, to let him know I really was keeping Emily’s heart alive, in the right way.

And I got a chance finally to tell him all about my actual life too, about my family and Cat, about being at home most of my life with a condition but being inspired by Emily to try something new – to try again.

He seemed glad in a way, but looked as though he was digesting it all too, and then he went back to Canada again that summer – to our cabin on the lake.

I think he might be back working in the UK now, though, from what I’ve seen on his website.

I suppose I’ll find out soon.

When I’m only metres from the large mish mash of picnic blankets, which have been set out for the occasion, I clock William.

‘Oh, you’re here.’ He smiles as I approach. And he just looks so smart today, in his blue shirt and freshly pressed trousers, I could cry.

‘Thank you for doing this,’ he says, gripping my hand. ‘It’s so decent of you.’

‘It’s absolutely my pleasure,’ I say, thinking back to the conversation we had with Ruth months ago now, when I’d gone over to theirs for a tea, and Ruth had told me they were planning this.

‘Such nonsense for an eightieth, but my wife was adamant,’ he’d said, and I could see he was smiling too.

So, I offered my photography services, and said that as I was still training, I’d be happy to do it for free – for a friend.

He told me he’d pay me in cake and liquor.

From the corner of my eye, someone else familiar approaches, a robust toddler on her hip.

‘Maggie, good to see you again,’ Charlie says with some surprise, leaning in to give me a big hug. Hope lets out a shout of delight, and I laugh.

‘You two know each other?’ William says with a slight frown.

I smile. ‘Oh yes, I’ve been going to some of Charlie’s Friday evening classes recently.’

‘Fantastic,’ William says softly, ‘I knew someone else who liked to dance too, you know.’

I swallow. ‘I know.’

A few other people I don’t know appear now, and Charlie and William excuse themselves to go chat to them.

As I wander around the lawn, starting to capture the gorgeous skyline of Edinburgh to one side, friends hugging to the other, I can’t help wondering again if it’s too much, that I’m still doing some of the things that Emily did – photography, running and dancing.

Is it unfair that I’m here while she isn’t?

Would she resent me, and the others, for doing what she no longer can?

Because I wasn’t the only life she saved, after being rushed into the hospital that fateful morning – her kidneys, liver, pancreas and corneas were given to others too.

And then, as usual these days, I simply tell myself that it would be more of a waste not to do all these brilliant things she inspired me to do.

It would, in fact, be a disservice to her to stop.

And I do a tonne of other stuff too, in fairness, things I never tried in my old life, or in hers – city wanders at dawn and life drawing with wine at a little studio in town; I even did a hot yoga class with Jess a few weeks ago when she was back briefly, and saw a theatre production of The Lion King in town by myself.

Just because I could; just because I was curious.

Because I only get to see this world once, and I know now how quickly it could all be gone.

So why waste a minute of it?

I think less about the gloom of it all these days too – because what’s the point?

There is so much joy to be had, so many amazing experiences right on our doorstep.

I’d be a fool to stop now. And just maybe, I can inspire someone else along the way.

Maybe I can help them far more by living my life well.

By following my heart.

The other guests start to appear – some of whom I assume must be from Ruth’s family, and another man with blond hair who I realise I recognise – and I feel warm inside when I see who it is. William’s nephew and niece, who I saw once in a photograph, here to celebrate his big day.

He must have reached out to them, just as I’d suggested. Just as Emily must have done too.

I keep snapping away, heart thumping now, as Zoe walks in with her purple hair pulled up into a pretty bun, violets threaded through it, then someone else from dancing appears, and finally, I see a figure down my lens in a black shirt and jeans – a person I haven’t seen in a while.

Broad shoulders, dark hair, forest-green eyes I wouldn’t be able to forget in a million lifetimes.

Adam.

And he is walking up to Charlie and William with that lopsided smile, then reaching in to give him a big hug.

My heart catches in my chest as my finger hovers on the button, and a second later, he turns towards my lens, and I lower it.

A strange moment passes between us, a look I can’t quite read, and then he’s saying something to William before walking slowly across to me.

‘Hello again,’ he says.

‘Hello,’ I smile, even though my insides are aching.

‘So,’ he says, ‘thank you for doing this all for William.’

‘It was no trouble; it’s good experience for me. And I love this place,’ I say, glancing about myself, at the trees, and the sky above.

I look back down to see him eyeing me quizzically.

‘Everything OK?’

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, shaking his head, ‘I had the oddest feeling the first time we met that I’d seen you before, and then I just got it again there. So, I thought I’d be that weirdo that actually tells you.’

I laugh, a bright feeling exploding inside.

‘Perhaps we have, in another life.’

He looks at me curiously again.

Just at that moment, Dee appears with what must be the cake, and we both turn to see Ruth with her two daughters exclaiming over it.

‘I suppose that’s your cue,’ Adam says, almost reluctantly.

‘I suppose it is,’ I say, lifting my camera up again.

Then with a smile, I start to walk in Dee’s direction, thinking to myself that that wasn’t bad all considering, and perhaps I can finally go on my way now, knowing that someone like Adam is still out there in the world; someone as amazing as him.

It is probably far too much to take on – her heart being in my body and everything.

Far too many obstacles surely and there’s no way it could possibly work out.

As I pass by the radio Charlie turned on, though, a note hits my ear, a joyful sound, and I find myself turning to see him still standing where I left him. Watching me go.

And then I remember what William said; that just because Adam loved someone else before, doesn’t mean he didn’t love me just as much.

Without another thought in my head, I run quickly back across, camera in hand.

Standing in front of him, I’m sure I see him take a breath in.

‘If you’re not doing anything later,’ I say, my voice slightly breathless, ‘do you fancy maybe doing something, together I mean? We could grab a coffee, or a drink, or, I dunno, just take a walk somewhere?’

For a moment, I think he’s going to say no.

He just stands there like he’s considering the question.

And maybe there was a time where I would have felt embarrassed about this whole thing, regretted saying anything at all.

But everything is different now. And just because something is scary, and may never work out, doesn’t mean it’s not worth a shot. Isn’t it better to at least try?

While I’m here.

A second later, a smile starts on his face, a spark.

He takes a breath in; nods like he’s landed on a decision.

‘All right, Maggie the photographer,’ he says. ‘How about a coffee then, after all of this? We could take a walk somewhere. You game?’

And as my heart leaps from my chest – twice – I say,

‘I’m game.’

If you enjoyed The Love of Our Lives , then you’ll love Emma’s debut novel The Echoes of Us .