Page 37 of The Love Ambush (The Sullivans #1)

Gentry

“W e should go by the park and grab the blanket and the food,” I say as soon as Levi slides into the driver’s seat.

“Sure,” he says. But he seems distracted.

“Brodie’s not really mad.” I pat his shoulder. “He just loves an opportunity to give me grief.”

“Yeah.” He looks over at me as he starts the engine. “I’m not worried.” He reaches for my hand, which is resting on my thigh, and squeezes it. “I’m really sorry about how tonight went.”

I squeeze his hand before pulling mine away. “It’s not your fault.”

He nods, looking disappointed, and focuses on driving.

By the time we get to the park, it’s after two in the morning. My head feels like a bowling ball, and my mouth feels like the Serengeti. And I’m starving.

I’m really hoping the food we left behind is still edible.

“I’ll grab everything,” Levi says.

“You can’t carry everything.” I hop out after him. Really, I’m hoping to sneak another bite of pizza without him noticing. If he thinks it’s gross to eat pizza left in the elements for a few hours, I don’t need the judgment.

Somehow, it’s even darker in the park than it was earlier.

“Where were we?” Levi asks. “Wasn’t it right around here?”

I turn my phone flashlight on and scan the area. “I think so, but I don’t—”

Something hisses right before something furry flies toward us.

Levi shoves me behind him. “Get back.”

He doesn’t need to tell me twice. I grab onto his shirt and hold on.

“It’s okay.” He reaches around and takes my cell phone from my hand. “We’re going to back away very slowly.”

I peek over his shoulder at the sound of more hissing and see him shining the flashlight at what looks to be a family of raccoons on our blanket. I’m only assuming they’re a family because they’re together. There aren’t any little ones.

“They’re kind of cute.”

A raccoon that’s closer than the rest, probably the one that came flying at us, bares its teeth and hisses.

“Okay, not so cute.” I tug on Levi’s shirt and pull him back with me at a faster pace.

“They could be rabid,” he says, all calmness. “We don’t want to trigger their predator instincts.”

“Predator instincts? They’re raccoons, not velociraptors.”

Except that particularly aggressive raccoon is moving with us, like he’s following to make sure we leave.

My stomach growls in frustration, but I’m definitely not fighting those raccoons for leftover pizza and...” Oh, no, they’ve got the chocolate. We have to get it.” That chocolate looked delicious and expensive. I didn’t even get one taste.

“I’ll buy you more,” he says, voice tense. “We’re not risking rabies tonight.”

“Right,” I say. “That’s logical.” But I’m disappointed. Tonight has been hell. I could really use that sugar high.

“Guess I’m buying your brother a new blanket, too,” Levi says with a sigh as we get back into the SUV. I can still see the beady eyes of the raccoon staring at us from the darkness.

“I’ll do it,” I say. “You’re already doing enough. I’ll buy more food containers for Jo, too.”

He doesn’t say a word, and I hate this quiet between us. I hate that I put it here.

“You saved my life back there,” I say. “Thank you.”

He laughs, and something in me eases. “We were fine. They were more interested in the food than in us.”

“Uh-huh. I could tell by how that one raccoon followed us all the way back to the car.”

“It wasn’t going to hurt us.”

“Just take the thank you, Levi. Those things were hissing at us, and your first instinct was to put yourself between me and them. It means a lot to me.”

“It was seriously nothing.” He grips the steering wheel so tight his knuckles whiten, his gaze focused intently on the road.

“You didn’t seem scared,” I say. “Have you encountered raccoons like that before?”

“No, but they’re just animals. The worst they could do is bite us, and we’d have to get a rabies shot.”

“Which is freaking scary. Didn’t you say you’re always planning for the worst? You were so calm back there, and I thought…” I realize, probably too late, that what I’m thinking is probably not something I should say aloud.

“That I’m afraid of everything?”

Shit. “Um, well, yeah?”

He chuckles. “My fear is all about the future. It’s anticipatory. In the moment I’m strangely calm most of the time. Though, getting arrested scared the shit out of me.”

“You seemed totally calm.” I was the one freaking out. “What were you afraid of?”

“That it would scare you away,” he says. “Which it did, didn’t it?”

Oh, that simultaneously warms me and makes me feel awful. I’d been hoping to have this discussion in the morning, when we’re both clearheaded, but I can’t ignore his question. "I’m sorry, Levi. If my life were different…”

He stares straight ahead, so still and silent that the motion of his throat working as he swallows seems monumental. “But you have the kids to think about. I get it, Gentry, but I promise I won’t do anything that’ll get you arrested again.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about.” That moment of panic, when I thought I’d have an arrest record and would lose the kids, is still so fresh in my memory that my body tightens around the fear like it’s trying to keep me safe.

“I’m worried about me. I’m the one who pushed for sex in Brodie’s car.

You were being sensible, and I didn’t listen.

When I’m with you, I forget to think about anyone but you and what I want to do with you.

I can’t allow myself to be that person.”

“I won’t let you, Gentry. I care about the kids, too.”

I know he does, and I want so badly to trust he’ll be able to keep me from screwing up like this again. “I just need to focus on what’s best for Emily and Sophie right now, Levi. I’m sorry.”

“I get it,” he says. “I hate it, but you wouldn’t be the amazing person you are if you didn’t want to devote yourself fully to those kids.”

He parks in front of the farmhouse. All the windows are dark, and I cross my fingers that everyone’s fast asleep.

I expect him to head straight upstairs, but he grabs my hand and pulls me back to the kitchen. “I heard your stomach growling,” he says in a low voice.

The kitchen is pretty well sound-proofed from the rest of the house, with its own swinging door and thick walls. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks.

“I’ll just take whatever leftovers we have.”

“You’ll have to fight the raccoons for them,” he says. “Any other ideas? Grilled cheese? Scrambled eggs? I make a mean BLT.”

My stomach rumbles. It all sounds so good. “Seriously. I’ll just have a bowl of cereal or something. It’s late, and we have a busy day tomorrow.”

It makes me feel so much worse about pushing him away that he’s still being so nice to me.

All I want, so, so badly is to give in and lean into him.

I want this every day. I want someone to come home to who doesn’t hate, or at least disdain, me like my sisters do.

I want a partner who’ll take care of me every once in a while, and let me take care of him.

Am I overreacting? We weren’t charged with anything, and I will never, ever have sex in a car again or anywhere public. Can I realistically have this with Levi?

“BLT it is,” Levi says as he sets a loaf of homemade bread on the counter and digs around in the fridge until he emerges with tomato, lettuce, bacon and mayo.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

He stops what he’s doing and turns to look at me. “You’ve turned me down, so I should be mean to you? Is that what you expect?”

“It’s been my experience with men in the past.”

He scowls. “Sometimes I really hate my own gender.” He walks over and faces me. “I’m not one of those guys, Gentry. I care about you, and I’m going to continue being nice to you. If I can’t be with you, I still want to be your friend.”

My throat tightens, and my eyes burn. God, I like this man.

“You know,” he says. “When we get back to Catalpa Creek, if you ever want time to paint, I’d be happy to help out with the kids. If you need me to drive them anywhere or just be a body in the house to make sure no one’s sneaking out, I’m your guy.”

The suggestion comes so far out of left field it takes me a moment to register exactly what he’s saying. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

He flicks water at the pan he’s heating, but there are no bubbles. “You aren’t asking. I’m offering, Gentry. Friends help each other out, right?”

I cross my arms over my chest. It seems way too selfish to take this man up on his offer just so I can have time for a hobby that’s never going to make me any money.

“What are you hoping to get out of this, Levi? I’m not going to change my mind about us dating.

” Okay, so I’m leaning toward changing my mind, but I know all too well the way some people will use favors to get something another person never wanted to give.

I may have dated a guy or two like that, even had a good friend who used similar tactics, before I realized what I was doing. I’m not falling into that trap again.

Levi frowns, and his brows lower, his expression hurt. “Let’s get one thing straight. I hear your no, and I accept it. I’m never going to expect anything from you that you don’t want to give. I don’t treat my friendships like transactions.”

He goes back to the pan. This time, the water sizzles, and he adds the bacon.

Shit. This is why I keep my friends at arm’s length. “I’m not good at trusting people. I’m sorry.”

He turns back, his arms crossed over his chest. “Trusting them to stick around? Because of your parents?”

I nod. “Them and… I may be overcorrecting after a few bad relationships. I really appreciate your offer, but I think it’s better if I focus on my sisters and not art right now. I’d have to buy supplies I don’t have money for.”

He pops the bread he’s sliced into the toaster. “Like what? What do you need?”

My heart melts even more. Because I know he’d probably buy me whatever I name. He is genuinely just that kind. “It’s a long list. Stuff you’ve never even heard of. How about you? Any hobbies?”