Page 24 of The Love Ambush (The Sullivans #1)

“It’s fine,” Josephine says with a laugh. “I’ll just set the alarm. If they leave, it’ll go off and I’ll come running.” She frowns. “What about the children? Will they be returning soon?”

“It’s better if they stay with my sister-in-law and her kids tonight,” Brodie says. “These two are likely to take them to the roof to see if they can fly.”

“I would never,” Levi says. “I already tried that when I was eight, and it didn’t work.”

I blink, but when I open my eyes, everyone has left. “Wow. They’re fast.”

“You should probably sit up,” Levi says. “All your blood is going to drown your brain.”

“I’m a nurse, and that’s not a thing.” But I sit up anyway. The room spins and sways. I feel like maybe I am drowning. “I want to go see the reindeers.”

“No.” Levi shudders. He’s sitting in the armchair, watching me like I’m fascinating. “Reindeer are evil.”

I laugh. “They aren’t evil. They help Santa deliver the presents.”

“They can fly and that’s all they do?” He sounds outraged. “Think of all the good they could do the other three hundred and sixty-four days of the year. They can fly . They could deliver aid to struggling regions or fight crime or something.”

“Wait.” I narrow my eyes and concentrate on him until I can see him clearly. “You know reindeer can’t really fly, right?”

He snorts. “Of course I know that. You’re the one trying to say they aren’t evil by talking about them delivering presents.”

He’s too far away, and I miss him.

I cross the room and climb into his lap. He doesn’t complain. He just wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest.

“So why do you really think reindeers are evil?” I ask. “Is it reindeer or reindeers when there’s a lot of them?”

“Reindeer.” He presses a soft kiss to the top of my head.

“And they’re not actually evil. They’re just animals doing what animals are supposed to do, but they have sharp antlers and sharper hooves and they’re way stronger than the average human.

I’m just doing what a smart human does and choosing to keep my distance. ”

“But these reindeer are safe because Josephine loves them and feeds them, and they never have to worry about money or what their teenage sisters are going to do next to make them go prematurely gray.”

“You know they’re just being teenagers, right? They aren’t trying to do anything to you.”

“The reindeer?”

“Your sisters. They love you, and they look up to you. They don’t want you to know it, but it’s obvious to everyone who sees you three together.”

I snort. “You must be higher than I am.” Though I feel more sleepy than high right now.

“I like you in my arms,” he says. “You fit here.”

“I like you, Levi. And I really don’t want to like you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re going to break my heart,” I say.

I didn’t want to tell him all this earlier, but I can’t remember why.

I can’t imagine why I shouldn’t just tell him everything about me.

He needs to know me, and I need to know him.

“You promised you wouldn’t, but you don’t understand what you’re getting into with me.

I’m a mess. My life’s a mess. And I’m a terrible guardian.

I went out with friends for a couple of hours, and Emily snuck out and almost got assaulted by a rapey teenager.

The only way to do better is to keep my eyes on those kids every single second, and that will be boring for you. ”

He smoothes a hand over my hair. “You really think I’m that easy to scare away? Have you met your brother?”

I laugh, and it feels good. Being in his arms feels better than good. I can’t remember ever being this happy.

His voice vibrates against my cheek when he says, “The right guy will be willing to help with the kids.”

“The right guy shouldn’t have to do that,” I say, the happiness receding.

Why is it always so hard to hold on to? “We all know how new relationships go. The first sparks of romance are always all-consuming. Right now, everything feels magical. Reality will kill the magic, and I don’t think I can handle you hating me.

” I’m not sure I’m making sense. I’m not even sure I understand what I’m saying.

I just know that giving in to what I feel for him is scarier than blood and clinicals.

“I wouldn’t,” he says. “Magic isn’t something that happens, Gentry. It’s something you have to work at. You being even remotely interested in me feels magical, and I don’t think that’ll ever change.”

“That’s really sweet nonsense.” I sit up and shove his chest to reinforce my point. It’s a very nice chest, and my hand lingers, stroking his firm pecs.

He doesn’t smile. He looks way too serious for a man on drugs. “It’s not nonsense. If you aren’t ready now, I’ll wait. I think we’ve got something that’s worth waiting a lifetime for.”

His words make me want to melt into him, but I can’t do that. I can’t let him fill my vision or I’ll end up like my mother, unable to see anything past the man she loves. Unable to do more than constantly strive futilely for a crumb of his attention.

“Have you ever been in love?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not yet. You?”

“No, love is scary.”

“Scarier than evil reindeer?”

I laugh because he’s ridiculous. “Why are you friends with my brother? You’re nothing like him.”

“Serious talk when I can barely feel my tongue,” he says.

I snuggle back against him. “Tell me.”

“I think it’s because he’s so different,” Levi says.

I press myself closer to feel his voice vibrate against my ear.

“Brodie’s just fun. He’s ambitious, and he can be as competitive as my brothers, but he knows how to relax and have a good time.

I can be too serious, too hyper-focused on one goal, and Brodie showed me how to get out of my head.

Laughing with him, going to parties with him, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more relaxed in my life. ”

“He’s got a serious side too,” I say, thinking of our conversation tonight. “I think some of what he does is just an act to prove to himself he’s not taking himself or life too seriously.”

“I can see that. I don’t like the way he treats you, though.”

“He’s not always like that. I think that douche-bag bit is an act he puts on, so no one knows how much he actually cares. It’s like armor to keep him safe. He wasn’t always the life of the party.”

“I remember,” Levi says. “He says that’s why he’s best friends with me. Because he was getting picked on in first grade for being the smallest, skinniest kid with the biggest glasses in the class, and I stuck up for him.”

“Sophie had the stomach bug last month, and I was up with her all night. I called Brodie at like four in the morning, once Sophie was finally asleep and calm, and cried about how much it had scared me when she got really pale and looked like she was going to pass out. I was exhausted and drained and felt like a failure. He stayed on the phone with me for over an hour, reminding me that Sophie was okay and I’d handled it and I’d be okay.

He shipped us a bunch of stomach bug remedies and Sophie’s favorite book series and paid a huge amount to get it to us in one day. ”

“I know he can be that guy,” Levi says, sounding as tired as I feel. “But he can’t just abandon you all and stop sending money.”

“He only promised to send money as long as he could reasonably afford to do it. He should get to have his own life.”

“While you give up yours?” Levi rubs my back, and his hand feels so warm and so good, even through my layers of sweater and shirt and t-shirt.

“That was the choice I made when I agreed to take the kids in. Brodie didn’t want me to do it.

And he’s right. They would have been fine with our aunt.

I chose to take them in, knowing I had no guaranteed good income.

Brodie can be shallow and self-centered and careless with other people’s feelings.

He probably should have given me a heads up about the money sooner, but he’s not a bad person. ”

“He still shouldn’t stop sending you money,” Levi says. “Even if he has to work a second…” He trails off, and I’m too high to focus on the question I want to ask. Why would Brodie need a second job?

Instead of asking, I yawn and snuggle in more tightly against Levi.

We sit there in silence for I don’t know how long, Levi stroking my back. The moon is bright above us on the ceiling, but now I’m starting to understand that it’s not really the moon.

I’m also starting to feel how wrong I am for cuddling on Levi’s lap when I have so little to offer him.

I don’t want reality to creep back in. Reality lives with my knots, and I prefer them both gone.

My stomach growls, and Levi laughs. “Hungry?”

And suddenly I’m not just hungry, I’m starving. “I need food.”

“Let’s go see what Jo has in her kitchen.”

“We can’t just rob her,” I say. “We should call for delivery.”

“It’s two in the morning. No one’s open. And Jo said we could help ourselves to whatever’s in the pantry or on the guest side of the refrigerator.”

“Really?” I ask, my hunger now urgent. “Let’s go.”

He laughs again. I love his laugh. It’s so warm I don’t need a coat and so joyous I forget to be sad and lonely. “Gentry. You’re on top of me. We can’t go anywhere until you get up.”

“But you’re so comfortable. If I get up, I can never snuggle here again.”

“You can snuggle here anytime you want. I promise.”

“No. Because you’ll want things and I’ll want things and hearts will be broken.”

He kisses the top of my head again, in a spot that already feels like it belongs to him. “I promise you can snuggle with me anytime you want, and I won’t pressure you for more. Come on, I’m starving too. Get up so we can eat.”

Somehow, I get off his lap, and we tiptoe to the kitchen, because Josephine’s bedroom is near it. Quietly, we put together a snack of chips and dip and cookies we find in the pantry.

I’m not sure we succeed in being quiet. We laugh a lot and stumble our way up to our bedroom with our food.

Levi stops outside the door and faces me, looking way too somber. “If you aren’t comfortable sharing a room with me, now’s your chance to swap with one of the kids.”

A Gentry who hadn’t eaten two pot-laced brownies would probably do just that, but Gentry on THC wants to enjoy as much time with Levi as I can before reality kicks me in the teeth. “Brodie told me what really happened, Levi. I know it’s not your fault you stood me up.”

He reels back, shocked. “He told you?”

I nod and smile, even though my hands are shaking. Telling Levi means I’m out of rational reasons to keep pushing him away. “So there’s no reason for us to be in separate rooms.” I want him more than I’m scared. “Besides, how will we share snacks from separate rooms?”

His grin makes my stomach swoop. He opens the door, and I follow him in.