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surprised as Xander and Chris (and Mandy and Audrey and Pete and a

couple of other girls) charged in, but Xander wasn"t looking at them.

He leaned back against the shut door with the battalion of press on

the other side of it, and giggled like a teenager, while Chris giggled back.

“Jesus, you fucking dorkfish! What in the fuck did you just do?”

Xander sobered abruptly. “I played this game for myself. It"s all

you"ve ever wanted me to do, and I did. And playing for me means you.

It means you, and me, and the world can take a flying fuck. It means

whatever we do for the rest of our lives, we do it forever, and we do it

openly, and—” Xander took a deep breath and wiped his mouth with a

hand that was shaking and cold.

“I mean, Jesus, Chris. It can"t possibly be any harder than hiding

was. Or being apart. Or having the world think we"re just overgrown frat

boys. Right?”

Oh please, God, let it be all right. Xander had known that it was a

possibility. He"d known this was the flipside of doing this for himself—

that maybe coming out, being together in the sunlight, wasn"t what Chris

really wanted.

Chris looked at him, a bittersweet smile on his face, and pressed

the heels of his hands against his eyes. “C"mere, Xan,” he said, his voice

shaking, and Xan knelt in front of his chair. Chris grabbed both his hands

and said, “Closer, genius. I really want to kiss you, and I can"t move

yet.”

The Locker Room 223

They tasted of joy, and tears, and a little bit of fear and a lot of

hope. They heard Mandy and the other dancers all saying

“Awwwwww…,” and they heard some of the guys in the locker room

going, “Oh, for Christ"s sake! Don"t you have a house or something?”

but that was all secondary to the roar of their own hearts in their ears.

224 Amy Lane