Page 214 of The Locker Room

Chris was a little better in the car, but he reached automatically for

his hip flask as they pulled off of Highway 5 onto the airport loop.

Xander snatched it from his hand, rolled the window down and threw it

out of the car onto the farmland that flanked the road. He grabbed

Chris"s hand then, and didn"t yell, and didn"t nag, but he held that hand

while it trembled in his, then sweated, then clutched.

They pulled up to the curb, and Tim got out to get the bags, and

Xander finally had words.

The Locker Room 185

“I forget,” he said softly. “You"re so… you put on such a good

face. I"m the weak one; you"re the one who holds me together. You can"t

let me forget again, Chris. You"ve got to let me hold you together.

Please?”

Chris nodded, turning his face away, and Xander seized his chin

and pulled him back, kissing him soundly, and without reservations,

tasting salt and a little bit of vodka.

“Anything. Do you hear me? We can survive anything.”

Chris passed his hand over his face and Xander pulled it away.

“I can"t believe you thought I was the strong one,” Chris said

quietly, his voice broken. “I can"t believe you didn"t know it was you. I

always had someone, Xan. You? You picked someone to be with when

you were fourteen, and you made us family. You"ve got the strongest

heart I"ve ever known. I"m just—” A small sob, and Xander knew it was

shame and didn"t know how to make his forgiveness, his complete

acceptance any clearer. “I"m just so proud you picked me to be in it.”

Xander nodded, and kissed him again, and said, “Just… drink soda

on the plane, okay? They don"t carry anything decent in first class

anyway.”

Chris choked on a laugh and nodded his head. One more kiss, and

he was out of the car, and gone.