Page 203 of The Locker Room

When his breathing had gotten close to evened out, Chris propped

himself up on one elbow and stroked the sides of his face.

“Jesus, Xan—they"re getting worse. I mean… fuck. They were

getting better before I left, butthat… I thought I was going to have to

tackle you to keep you from going through the wall!”

Xan bounced his head off the pillow and blew out a still-

shuddering breath, and then turned to look at Chris in the darkness. He

was so beautiful. His eyes were so big and expressive, and his narrow-

chinned, pretty face was practically luminous in the minimum light that

seeped through the curtains. Xander walked careful fingers around the

line of his hair and over the shell of his ear, each tap of fingertip to skin a

miracle of touch.

The Locker Room 175

“Christian, did you really think we could see each other mostly

every day for the last… what? Twelve, almost thirteen years, right? And

then you go away, and did you think it wasn"t going to leave a big hole

in my soul?” His voice cracked. “That"s the place where I fight the scary

monsters, man, and now it"s all bleeding because you"re not next to me

every night, telling me they"re all better.”

Chris sighed, and tucked his head on Xander"s shoulder, taking that

wandering hand in his own and threading shaking fingers through it.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah. Christ, I need a drink.”

And now it was Xander"s turn to sigh. “No, you don"t.”

“You think you"re the only one with a big „hole in your soul",

Xan?”

Xander wrapped his arm around Chris"s shoulders and held tight. “I

think we can"t do this more than one year,” he said. “Eventually, we"re

going to have to decide how we want to handle this. Because I can"t do it

without you, and I"m afraid for you without me, and if I need to be the

wife and quit my job and follow you—”