Page 22 of The Lionheart’s Bond (Bonds of Dusk and Dawn #1)

JUDEL

H is human consciousness returning, Judel had no way to know where he was. He couldn’t see anything, which was saying something for a cat. Feeling his way around the space didn’t reveal much other than debris. The space was suffocating, and everything in it was a wreck. Scraps of fabric and bits of wood clung to his paws.

Wherever he was, there were no windows, and no signs of a fireplace. The door was solid wood, while everything else was stone walls and dirty floors.

Frustrated, he dropped on the gritty layer under his paws, straw prickling his belly. His awareness cleared, his human memories solidifying in his mind once more, issue after issue coming back to him, leaving him worried and restless.

Where was Isidore? If he had learnt anything from this expedition is that Lord Torell was not to be trusted. Judel had barely been able to contain himself when Isidore volunteered for the task. His entire body had rebelled against that idea. It was already too dangerous for any other man, but the thought of Isidore being anywhere near the people who had abused him for so long filled him with a rage that would only be satiated if he ran through the fortress, sword in hand, leaving a trail of blood and destruction in his wake. Setting fire to the entire place would be too kind a fate for Stonehollow.

Isidore’s apparent loss of strength hadn’t eased his feelings on the matter either. The young man had volunteered for the task like a prisoner resigned to meeting death at the end of a noose. Judel feared Isidore had put his name forward out of hopelessness, an attitude that rarely led to mission success. And he hadn’t had time or opportunity to talk to Isidore since they left the lodge. His urge to make amends, to talk the young man out of it, was left unsatisfied. Even worse, Isidore had suggested to go with Brin. No offence to his brother, but what could a bird do to protect Isidore, if the worst came to pass? A big bird, maybe, but a bird, nonetheless. At the end, and with the backing of both Nel and Hina, Judel had no choice but to agree.

He licked at his paw, a splinter flying out from between his claws, as he waited for sunset. The distant tingle in his stomach signalled its approach.

Voices made his ears perk up. Distant at first, but getting louder, until they were right outside the room. The door opened briefly, a sliver of light coming through. Orange, flickering light. A candle.

The light stumbled in, and the door slammed shut, the key turning in the lock.

‘Hey!’ sounded a voice inside the room. A shadow banging its fist against the wood.

‘We’ll come and get whatever is left of your corpse in a couple of days,’ said the voice outside. The laughter was loud but faded quickly.

The shadow turned.

Isidore leaned back against the door, a hand through his hair, looking dishevelled under the soft candlelight.

The boy saw him, eyes wide at first, but relief soon washed over him and his expression relaxed.

‘Growl,’ Isidore whispered.

Growl? What?

Isidore waved his hands in the air as if to rush him.

What the hell?

‘Come on!’ he whispered urgently.

At least that part was easy. He growled, as asked, and hissed, because why not.

‘No, no! Stay away,’ Isidore screamed. Laughter came once more from the other side of the door. The voices spoke but not loud enough for him to understand, their steps echoing outside until they were out of earshot.

Isidore stuck his ear to the door every now and then, making a horrendous ruckus.

‘You can stop now,’ Isidore said, straightening up. ‘What did you do?’ he asked, taking in his surroundings.

Judel growled lazily. He had probably done that whenever they locked him in here. Now, under the light of the candle, he could see hay from a pallet, a chair lay on the floor, the legs bitten through. Scratches on the wall looked almost black under the dim light. The room was even smaller than he had thought at first. This place had felt like a storage room, but the presence of a pallet pointed to a different use.

‘Torell clearly didn’t buy my redemption story, but at least he doesn’t suspect you.’

Judel tilted his head?

‘Don’t look at me like that,’ the boy said, more animated than he had been in days. ‘They locked you up in my room so I wouldn’t suspect anything when they brought me here. They probably think you’ll eat me alive. It wouldn’t be so bad if they hadn’t locked the door from the outside.’ He talked easily, like… Judel swallowed. Like before. Maybe it was because he was in lion form, or maybe it was because he was distracted clear the cramped space, but the prince wasn’t going to complain. He wouldn’t have known how to make Isidore comfortable again if he had tried.

Wait.

This was Isidore’s room?

Even the cells in Ilystead’s dungeons were bigger than this. Sadness filled Judel’s chest, while a rage like fire burnt his insides, his fangs yearning to sink into Lord Torell’s neck. He growled, unable to repress his anger.

A harsh twist cut though his voice.

The pain surprised him when it came, distracted by Isidore as he had been. He gritted his teeth and scratched at the floor, as if lifting the ground would make the aches in his body disappear.

The stretching and uncurling were almost unbearable. While it happened, it seemed as if it would never end. But it always did. It eased first, then ceased entirely.

Panting and aching dully, he lifted his eyes only to find Isidore’s wide eyes on him.

‘What are you staring at?’ he asked. It wasn’t the first time the young man saw him transform.

‘Sorry,’ Isidore mumbled.

Judel blushed, his reaction making him uncomfortable. This is not the way he wanted things to go.

Looking around, he pulled a blanket from under the wreck and wrapped it around himself. Isidore, meanwhile, put the candle down and started fiddling with the door.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked, his tone more measured.

‘I don’t want them opening the door during the night. You don’t want them seeing you here, do you?’

Judel nodded. He hadn’t thought about that.

‘They’ll probably come back tomorrow night. We should be able to take them by surprise and lock them in here, I think.’

‘My brothers will worry,’ Judel muttered.

‘Feel free to try and open the door,’ Isidore shrugged, sitting back down. ‘It’s reinforced with steel.’

Judel frowned.

‘Why is your bedroom’s door reinforced with steel?’ He pulled the blanket tighter around him.

‘Because this is a cell, for prisoners, which also happens to be my room.’

Judel looked around. Even as a cell, it was miserable. No windows, just the bench and enough space to stand up next to it. No openings to the outside on the door or the wall either.

A lump hit his chest. A bundle of clothes rolled off his lap. Isidore watched him, a blank expression on his face.

‘Thank you,’ he said, slipping the shirt over his head. ‘So this is where you slept?’

‘Not if I could help it. I slept with Bella more often than not.’

Bella? Who was that?

His heart began to pound in his chest, and he didn’t know what to do with this bile rising in his throat.

‘Right, Bella.’ His voice sounded strangled. ‘Sure.’

The young man sighed, resting his head back against the wood, he rolled up his sleeves, tendons pulling under the skin of his forearms, and Judel’s mouth watered. After a couple of months eating consistently, Isidore’s body had changed quite dramatically, looking healthy and strong. The frail boy he had once carried into the castle was no more.

Images of someone else’s hands on those forearms, on that waist. Bella’s hands, whoever she was. He grunted in annoyance.

‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ he replied, unable to hide the annoyance in his voice.

Isidore rolled his eyes, and the gesture surprised him. When had Isidore showed him that sort of attitude? Did he care so little for the prince now that Isidore dared dismiss him?

‘I’m sure you’d rather be sleeping with that girl, than stuck here with me.’ His own pettiness was embarrassing, yet he was unable to help himself.

‘What girl? I’ve never been with a girl. Or a man for that matter. I’ve done things but I’ve never—’

‘Bella,’ he grunted, making a face.

Isidore lifted his eyebrows so high they might have joined his hairline. His red curls bounced around his face as he began to laugh. Isidore laughed so openly; it shocked Judel into silence. Had the young man ever laughed like that before? It spread warmth from the very centre of his chest to the tips of his fingers.

This was it. He never thought it possible again, and yet, here it was, staring him in the face. The shock was enough to make him stumble.

This was what he wanted to look at every day, for the rest of his life. Like a soothing balm, the thought wrapped him into a blanket of happiness he didn’t know was possible again. The weight of disappointment he carried everywhere dropped from his shoulders. Like drawing a curtain, the veil of confusion vanished, and he could see the world clearly at last. He could see himself clearly.

And what he wanted.

But maybe he had already lost it. He’d made so many mistakes… Would Isidore forgive him if he begged? Or would he rather return to his lover?

‘Bellarose, remember? The mountain lion,’ Isidore said, trying to keep his laughter under control.

‘The mountain lion…’

That one he took care of! He had never referred to her as Bella. His foolishness made him blush like a ripe tomato. He thanked his Guardian Spirits for the little light in the room; at least Isidore didn’t need to witness his humiliation. He should have known better.

Isidore wasn’t about to let him get away with it so easily, though.

‘It’s rich of you to be jealous,’ Isidore said, once he calmed down.

‘I’m not jealous!’

‘Good. Your fiancée would probably frown upon you being jealous of someone else but her.’

Isidore was different. He had been worried he had become despondent, but maybe it wasn’t resignation the young man had developed. Maybe he had just been at the brink of change all along. Here, locked up, Isidore sounded so much more confident. Confident enough to talk such nonsense.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘The queen told me about it, you don’t need to hide it. I won’t fall apart. Not anymore, anyway…’ His voice lost strength at the end and faded into nothing.

The boy looked away, picking at his fingers, his profile made even more beautiful by the shifting light.

‘I don’t know why Nahel would tell you that, but it’s not true.’

Isidore didn’t answer, but his shoulders lifted with tension, as if he was holding his breath.

‘I-I did meet her. You see…’ He hadn’t expected to tell him this. He hadn’t expected to tell anybody about this. ‘I was the one who fell apart, when she left me. But I understood. I’m out there all day, only human at night… Of course I didn’t blame her. I loved her and for years I thought maybe one day this curse would disappear, and I would have a chance to get her back. But I overheard her telling someone how she never loved me.’ Judel swallowed, rubbing his eyes. ‘So soon after that, when I found out you had lied to me, I couldn’t handle it. To be duped again!

‘I couldn’t control myself that day, I couldn’t control the beast. I was out of the door and into lion form. The beast took over and even though I was still conscious, I could do nothing to stop it. Nahel knew where I was going, of course, though I didn’t know myself why I was going there. It had been years since I had visited her house. But once I saw her, once Fabina spoke to me, I realized why. I went there to put it behind me once and for all. When I looked into her eyes, I knew my love for her had died, together with the hopes I had pinned on that relationship. And the only thing I could think about then was you.’ He paused, embarrassed those words had rolled so easily from his lips and not daring look at Isidore. ‘I just couldn’t reconcile that with the anger I felt, the fear.’

‘I didn’t lie to you! Lord Torell is not my father! Bar where I came from, everything I told you was the truth.’ Isidore looked up at him, eyes angry. ‘At first, I was scared to tell you I was Kaletian. Do you have any idea what things they say about you here?’

‘Nel told me, yeah.’

‘Well, there,’ he said, his voice slightly wobbly. ‘I wanted to tell you so many times, but then we kissed, then you ignored me, then we kissed again… And I kept telling myself, “after this, don’t ruin the moment.” And just like that, it all blew up in my face when that man spewed all that nonsense, and you were so angry, you wouldn’t even talk to me…’ His voice finally broke, and tears ran down his face.

‘I thought you wouldn’t fall apart,’ Judel said, crawling closer.

‘I’m not!’ His voice rose, angry, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

‘Sure.’ Judel chuckled. He reached a hand to touch Isidore, but the boy just swatted it away.

‘Don’t do that.’

‘Why not?’ Judel asked, softly.

‘Because!’

‘Because?’

Isidore looked away, pouting with anger, and it made Judel smile.

‘Because you’ll make me believe you like me again, and I’ll be the one heartbroken!’

‘But I do like you, Isidore,’ Judel said, now serious.

‘You threw me away as soon as you got an excuse.’ His voice was so small and yet the words so poignant, Judel’s heart squeezed in pain, Nel’s words echoing anew in his head. ‘You don’t trust me either. You didn’t even trust me to bring you in here.’

Judel reached for Isidore’s face, sliding his fingers along the edge of the young man’s jaw, and forcing those big blue eyes to look into his. Judel had missed them so much.

‘I’m sorry I hurt you, I was too hurt myself to see past it.’ He gritted his teeth, his jaw tensing, trying to hide his emotion. ‘And I did trust you. I do! I didn’t want you to do this because I was afraid something would go wrong. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you, Isidore.’

The boy’s mouth tightened into a thin line. Was that a good sign or a bad sign?

‘You are not angry anymore?’ the boy asked, eyes shining.

Judel shook his head.

‘And you like me?’

The prince let his hand slide down until he found Isidore’s fingers and lifted them to his chest, pressing the palm to his skin. His heart was pounding so hard, Isidore couldn’t miss it. The young man’s expression changed, his cheeks colouring red.

Isidore pushed himself off the floor and slammed against him, his mouth pressed against the prince’s lips, his face hot and humid with tears. Judel wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist as Isidore’s arms snaked around his neck, mouth hungry against his. Their bodies flush. Judel’s cock twitched against his trousers.

‘Maybe… this is… not the… the best time…’ Judel tried to say between kisses.

‘We have a whole night to kill before sunset and you can sleep then,’ he replied, coming back to kiss him.

Judel grabbed Isidore by the shoulders and pulled him back. Panting, the young man’s eyes were crazed with need as they looked up at him.

‘But what are we going to do when I lose control?’

‘Oh, will you just shut up,’ Isidore demanded, freeing himself from his grasp and kissing him again, his mouth open and his tongue searching.

Fuck it, Judel thought, and tightened his arms around Isidore, pulling them closer together. The shirt slid out of the boy’s trousers easily as his palms searched for the heat of skin. The scars on Isidore’s hands and arms were a story of pain and misery Judel vowed to erase one kiss at a time. Soothing him, wrapping him in warmth, comfort and pleasure, such were the prince’s priorities. His vengeful thoughts, Judel set aside for later use, focusing all his attentions on the man in his arms. He’d make Isidore forget about all those years of mistreatment with his heart, and his body.

Isidore’s shirt came off and Judel relished the view. No hollow channels between his rib, no chest bone poking against the skin. It was a man’s body, with muscle where only painfully thin limbs could be found before. He ran his hands over the new flesh, sinking his fingers in it, feeling the other man’s strength.

Judel dragged his lips along the edge of Isidore’s jaw and down his neck, kissing, licking, biting, feeling every spasm and every twitch of Isidore’s body on top of him. He closed his hands on his thighs and pulled closer to his crotch, rubbing them together. It felt fucking good, but it was not nearly enough.

As he fiddled with the laces that fastened Isidore’s trousers, he closed his mouth over the nipple, small and round, licking it, pushing his tongue flat against it. Isidore clawed at his shirt and Judel let him pull it over his head, hugging him tight after, feeling Isidore’s bare skin against his torso. It felt so much better than in his memories.

‘Get up,’ Judel ordered.

Isidore didn’t argue, while Judel pulled his trousers down, Isidore’s erection bobbing out, slick and throbbing.

‘You’re almost as big as me,’ Judel said, grinning.

A drop formed at the head and Judel licked it off before he could even think about what he was doing. Isidore shuddered, a gasp escaping through his teeth. Judel did it again, licking the head, then the shaft, absorbing every one of his lover’s reactions, every shiver and whine, every time he gritted his teeth as not to let sound come out, until Judel took the whole thing in his mouth, and Isidore spasmed so hard he thought the young man was coming. Holding the shaft with his hand, he licked and moved deeper, and back, and deeper, over and over again, his tongue twirling over the soft skin.

‘Judel… stop… you…’

But Judel wouldn’t stop for the world. He sucked him faster, until Isidore’s hands came to grab at his hair and his hips started moving, fucking his mouth. If Judel had ever been told that this would get him going, he might have slapped someone. Maybe it was the desire, or maybe it was because it was Isidore doing it, but his own body responded, feeling harder than it had ever been, fighting to burst through the stitches of his trousers. If he didn’t do something soon, he was going to explode. Isidore’s desire was so erotic it was hard to wait for his turn.

He felt it before he heard it. Isidore tensed, and his dick swelled between Judel’s lips, before his voice broke into grunts and he emptied himself into the prince’s mouth. Judel was desperate to grab at himself and feel the same release but was too entranced by Isidore’s orgasm to even try.

As Isidore’s moans died off, his body became flaccid, unable to hold it, and dropped slowly against Judel’s body, now both on their knees, while he had his mouth full of Isidore’s orgasm. He wasn’t sure what to do with it. Swallowing seem the quickest, cleanest solution.

‘Wait!’ Isidore gasped.

Straightening himself, Isidore took Judel’s hand, turning it palm up, and holding it under his own mouth.

‘Spit it out,’ he asked, his eyes dreamy and soft.

Judel frowned, unsure.

‘Do as I say, please.’

Nodding, he let the thick, white substance slide out of his mouth and onto his own palm, still with no clue where this was all going.

‘Try not to lose any,’ Isidore instructed, enigmatic.

Isidore pulled his hand around his waist and pushed Judel’s fingers between his cheeks. The memory of Nel’s unwanted but very detailed instructions suddenly came back to him. He had reluctantly listened to them, convinced he would never need any of it. It was embarrassing to realize in how many different ways he had been a fool.

With renewed energy born from the confidence of knowing what to do, he searched for the small opening into Isidore’s body, never taking his eyes away from the young man’s. Those pupils grew wider over the blue as Judel pushed one finger in, mouth wet and luscious when his lips parted. Judel grunted as he leaned down to kiss his lover.

Judel kept both his hand and his mouth slow, gentle, even if the fire inside him urged him to tear into the other man’s body like a beast.

‘More,’ Isidore gasped, letting his head drop back. Judel ran his tongue along the beautiful, sensual curve of Isidore’s neck, from the base to the ear, capturing the earlobe between his teeth, and pushing another finger inside.

Isidore dragged his hand down Judel’s stomach and under his trousers, making his heart race and his cock push so much harder against his clothing, leaking with anticipation. Long fingers closed around him, squeezing hard, and he grunted in Isidore’s ear, making the young man laugh shakily in response.

‘Fuck,’ he whined. ‘More, please,’ he said again, and Judel obeyed. Anything Isidore said, he’d do.

The young man bucked against his fingers as he pushed the third one in. Slowly, he moved them around, letting his lover get used to the feeling, the stretch, even if they weren’t quite as big as he was. Isidore clawed as his arm as Judel moved his fingers deeper inside him.

‘Just do it,’ Isidore gasped.

‘Fuck,’ Judel said, kissing the hollow of his neck. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘I don’t care, I can’t wait anymore. I’m so hard.’

Judel pushed any remaining debris off the floor and pulled the blanket under them before laying Isidore down gently. He finished to remove the boy’s trousers. In his state of all consuming need, he couldn’t control his fingers and picking at his own clothing became a challenge. Frustrated, he pulled so hard, the laces snapped off, allowing him to free his erection at last.

His face on fire, on his knees between Isidore’s legs, he looked down, taking in his lover’s body, from the red hair, now too long, fanning around his face, to the sharp line of his jaw, the plump lips, the gorgeous line of his throat. His shoulders were strong, and his chest tempting, blushed and hot, his nipples swollen from where Judel sucked on them.

‘You’re so fucking beautiful,’ Judel said, leaning down to kiss him. His lips tasted salty and dry from panting and moaning, and he licked them before pushing his tongue inside the boy’s mouth. ‘Spread your legs for me,’ he said, his voice heavy with lust.

Dragging his hand between their bodies, he grabbed his erection and lined up with Isidore’s opening, wet with his own fluids. He pushed the head against the opening, just resting it there for a second. Isidore’s body tensed with anticipation.

‘Relax, or it won’t work.’

Isidore blushed furiously and took a deep breath. Judel pushed a bit harder, feeling the opening give way until the head popped in, past the first ring of muscle.

‘How does that feel? Does it hurt?’

‘A bit, but it also feels good,’ Isidore panted, arching his back against him, skin stretching over his torso, flushed.

‘Do you know how much I want to bury into you right now?’ Judel grunted, holding still to make sure Isidore didn’t suffer any pain.

‘Keep going then,’ the boy said, a feverish smile on his lips.

Judel had to tighten his entire body to stop himself from just thrusting his whole length inside Isidore at once. Steadying himself, he moved slowly, stopping often, pushing again, until he was fully sheathed into the other man. He grunted with satisfaction, fingers digging into Isidore’s hips as Judel held him in place.

‘I’m going to move now,’ he said. In and out, as slowly as he could. There was only that much one man could manage, and his thrusts became harder and deeper by the third time. Isidore bucked against him, panting every time he moved, his eyes closed and his cheeks aflame, his knuckles in his mouth as he stroked his own cock with his other hand. The sight fed the fire fuelling Judel’s arousal, and he bent over his lover, struggling to keep control of his body.

‘Oh…’ Isidore’s eyes opened wide, his hands frozen.

Despite his urges and desperation, Judel stopped mid-thrust, afraid. Was he hurting him? Did something tear? It still felt nice and soft.

‘Did I—’

‘Don’t you dare stop!’ Isidore urged him.

The prince chuckled, relieved to be able to dive into him again. The prince’s hips moved with ferocity, fuelled by his lover’s gasps of pleasure. Isidore writhed and moaned under him, clawing at Judel’s hands and arms, wherever he could reach, his erection bouncing on his stomach as the prince dug deeper into his body.

His muscles were tight, and his abdomen became sore as he pushed in, the orgasm so close. Isidore beat him to the finish line once more, arching violently, whining loud as his orgasm spilled on his stomach. The sight, the feeling of Isidore’s body tightening around him, it was all too much, and he had to pull out before it was too late, finishing on the boy’s skin, letting their fluids mix and become one, just as they had been for a moment.

Panting, exhausted, Judel dropped on top of Isidore, their legs tangled, and rested his head on the hollow of his lover’s shoulder, allowing himself to drown into the sweet smell of sweat and sex.

Pants and loud heartbeats lulled them. In this small room, on the cold floor, surrounded by broken furniture and shredded fabric, Judel felt the happiest he had ever been. Emotion clogged his throat, and he held onto Isidore’s waist, unable to speak.

When he finally recovered enough for words, his voice was soft, yet tense, burdened with expectation and fear of disappointment.

‘Isidore.’

‘Hmmm?’ his lover replied hazily.

‘Will you stay with me?’

‘I’ve nowhere to go,’ Isidore said, chuckling. ‘We’re locked in, remember?’

Judel felt himself blush violently, and he buried his face into Isidore, grunting.

‘I meant tomorrow. After. And after that…’

The words hung between them, holding their breaths and his hopes, the visions of a future he had thought lost forever becoming possible again, as his heart pounded in his chest.

Isidore’s hand climbed along his back and through his hair, closing gently around the strands and pulling back as to see his face. Lips pressed to the prince’s forehead; a stranded, wet drop slid onto Judel’s skin.

‘Only if you stay with me.’ Isidore’s voice was unsteady, and his chest trembled. Judel pulled him tighter into his embrace.

A smile spread on his lips, and his heart swelled twice its normal size. They drifted to sleep, wrapped into each other’s warm skin.