Page 27

1998

The one thing Kaya knows now is that she can depend on nobody but herself.

The second thing she knows is she needs money.

She thinks her plan will work. She’s called her baby’s father, told him exactly what she needs and why. It’s a lie, of course, but he seems to have bought it.

She’s sitting in her car outside the small garage on the outskirts of town when he arrives in his vehicle. He checks there’s nobody around before getting out and jumping into her car.

He looks at the mark on her face, shakes his head. Then he takes an envelope from his pocket.

‘It’s the right thing to do,’ he says, handing her the money. ‘You’ve contacted the clinic?’

‘Mm-hm,’ Kaya says.

‘Looks like he wasn’t giving you any choice, anyway,’ he says. ‘Knowing Miika, he’d have beaten that thing out of you. It’s not right, Kaya. You should leave him. When all this is done.’

She says nothing. Let him think she’s gone for an abortion. Let him think she needs the money to stay down in Helsinki for a while. Let him think whatever the hell he wants. When she doesn’t come back, he’ll probably figure it out. He’ll probably realise she’s living somewhere with his child, but what will he be able to do about it? She’ll be gone, out of his life. She has no intention of ever coming back.

‘Kaya, listen. . .’ he hesitates. ‘I owe you an apology for what I said to you last time I saw you. I was. . . vicious. Lashing out. There are things—’ He stops and looks out the window. ‘There are things about my marriage you don’t understand. I should never have started this thing with you. You and I know it was mutual but people, they might say I forced you. So, I wanted to scare you and I’m sorry. I can only imagine how frightened you’ve been. I’m a weak, terrible man.’

Kaya swallows. It’s too late for his platitudes. She knows he’s only saying this now because he thinks she’s doing what he wants and he’s feeling magnanimous. Maybe he thinks when the baby’s gone, and after she’s left Miika, he can pick up where he left off. He can have her again.

She should say thank you and goodbye and drive home. She plans to pack the rest of her things tonight and leave when Miika assumes she’s going into work.

There’s the sound of a van coming down the road and both she and her former lover sink low in their seats. The van slows, like it’s about to pull into the garage, but then the driver has a change of mind and is off again.

Kaya should leave. . . but instead, she turns and faces this excuse for a man, who thinks he has her backed into a corner.

‘Yes, I guess people would say things about you,’ she says. ‘Your reputation is so important, isn’t it.’

‘Kaya—’

‘Of course, we know it was mutual. But yes, I can imagine some people might think you’d taken advantage. With you being such a powerful man and all. They might ask, when did you first look at me? Was it when I was still in my school uniform? When did you first kiss me? I could protest and say I was all grown up. A whole twenty-one years of age. That I wanted it. But would they believe me? Victims tend to say things like that, don’t they?’

He grabs her throat and pushes her up against the window on her side.

‘You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t say something like that. That’s evil.’

She can feel his spittle on her face. His eyes are bulging in anger, the veins popping in his temple.

Kaya smiles, even though her throat hurts and she’s finding it hard to breathe.

Let him kill her. Let him kill the woman who’s carrying his baby, and the child, too.

Let him live with the guilt.

The thought crosses his mind, she can tell.

Just as she’s gasping, he blinks, realises what he’s doing and releases her.

He looks at her throat, then at his hand, as if seeing it for the first time.

The air in the car bristles between them.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says.

‘You’d better go,’ Kaya whispers, her voice hoarse. ‘In case somebody sees you. Go home to your wife.’

He can’t look at her.

He turns and gets out of the car.

Kaya grips the envelope of money. Then she smiles, places it in the glove compartment and drives home.

To hell with these men. They think they can use her. Well, now she’s using them.