Page 71 of The Last Safe Place
35
SEPTEMBER 29, 1942
Knut had barely got a wink of sleep all night, and by the time the alarm clock rang, the night had taken its toll.
“I’m worried something else will go wrong,” he muttered, squinting over at Bernd, who’d slept like a baby all night long, completely undisturbed by Knut’s restless tossing and turning.
Bernd turned and laid an arm across Knut’s chest. “You shouldn’t worry so much.”
“How can you sleep so soundly when we literally have the lives of nine people in our hands?”
Bernd finally opened his eyes. “Would it change anything if I tossed and turned all night long like you? Apart from making me as sleep-deprived as you?”
Sometimes he hated Bernd’s pragmatism. Not everything in life could – or should – be considered with a rational mind. “Of course it wouldn’t change anything, but if I don’t worry, I feel like a callous oaf, a monster who doesn’t care about the suffering of his fellow human beings.”
“You are absolutely not a monster.” Bernd snuggled up to him, giving a deep sigh. “Look at our lives: every day could be our last. We may not be fighting on the front line, though life inBerlin has its own dangers, especially if anyone finds out we’re involved in a conspiracy against the Führer.”
“Yes, but…”
“But nothing. For my part, I’ve decided to savor every minute of this life and not worry about things I can’t change.” Then he kissed Knut gently on the shoulder. “We still have a few minutes before we have to get up.”
All through the morning, Knut felt as though he was sitting on hot coals. Finally, the afternoon arrived, and he counted his little flock at Anhalter station. He certainly felt like a shepherd, bringing his flock to safety, though he wished he had a sheepdog to help keep the predatory wolves of the SS and the Gestapo at bay.
Everyone was here, apart from Fräulein Vogel. He scrutinized each one of them. Anton and Gerda Seifert. Herr Seifert looked a little green about the gills, and was leaning heavily on his wife. Frau Seifert was radiating a brave determination, which Knut found reassuring. She would defend the weakest member of the flock – her husband – to the last drop of her blood.
Herr Lange, the group leader, was doing his best to keep everyone in check. It was touching to see Frau Lange’s care for her husband, ensuring the heavy responsibility weighing on his shoulders didn’t become too much for him.
Perhaps I’m the sheepdog, and Herr Lange is the shepherd.The thought appeared from nowhere, and Knut was tempted to bark out loud – if only to release the terrible tension that had intensified with each passing day, the closer their departure date had come.
Bernd was right, of course. Knut’s worries wouldn’t change the situation – but dammit, he worried regardless.
Finally, his gaze fell on Michaela Kronberg with her two daughters Eva and Ilse. Ilse, the younger, was scowling sullenly.Knut hoped she wouldn’t cause trouble during the long journey. He had no children himself, though experience with his nieces and nephews had taught him that children could catch you off guard at any time, and were prone to causing trouble at the least appropriate moment.
Just as he was beginning to ponder how long he could wait for Leonore Vogel without running the risk of missing the train, she stormed into view, suitcase in hand and cheeks flushed. “So sorry! The underground train didn’t arrive, and I had to switch to the tram.”
Knut’s eyebrows shot up, as he realized she wasn’t wearing her star. “Where’s your star?”
“I took it off,” she said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to use the tram and would have arrived late.”
“You mustn’t travel like that,” Knut said.
“Why not? We’re going…” Leonore fell silent and looked at her fellow travelers, who, with the exception of Herr Lange, were wearing their yellow stars. “I thought…”
“Perhaps it would be better without,” Herr Lange suggested, “so as not to attract unwanted attention.”
Herr Seifert frowned. “Bearing other travelers in mind, it might actually be wise. You have no idea how bad it is wearing this thing.”
“Hmm.” Knut considered, then shook his head. “We have our own compartment, so our fellow travelers are the least of our problems. As soon as anyone checks your papers, it might raise questions, and I want to avoid that at all costs.” He looked into the disappointed faces of people who’d been looking forward to no longer being treated like second-class citizens. He wished he could grant them this small favor, but it was simply too dangerous. When all was said and done, Knut was responsiblefor their well-being and he didn’t want to risk falling at literally the final hurdle.
Herr Lange seemed to have read his thoughts. “He’s right. If an inspector demands our papers, the red J will leap out at him. We don’t want to risk a fine, let alone a delay.”
Fräulein Vogel grimaced before digging in her jacket pocket and pulling out the yellow star.
Words failed Knut, as he watched her attach the badge to her jacket. For the first time, he realized that some of the decorative buttons were in fact snap fasteners.
“You seem to have done this on more than one occasion,” Knut commented, once he was capable of speech again.
“Desperate times require desperate measures.” Fräulein Vogel didn’t even blink.