Page 142 of The Last One to Let You Down

“That was all a very long time ago, and on account of the double jeopardy, I can’t be arrested no more.” Edie smiled primly. “But I don’t do none of that stuff now, baby. I just do hair.”

“Well, then,” Cypress laughed. “Just when I thought this night couldn’t get even crazier.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Tom was still having trouble believing it. “You’re such a sweet lady.”

“I can be a sweet lady and an old crook,” Edie informed him. “Remember, baby, there’s always more to people than what’s on the outside.” She picked up her hairspray and began to let loose. “Besides, you never asked me.”

“I love you. You’re wonderful. Thank you for saving my life. I’m going home now.” Tom waited for the cloud of hairspray to fade so he could get another hug.

“I love you, too, baby,” Edie gushed, giving him a big squeeze. She wagged her finger at Cypress, warning, “Now, you better take good care of him and make sure he gets home safe.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Cypress promised.

They left the funeral home and got into Cypress’s van but found that the back parking lot entrance was blocked off by police cars. Cypress flashed his lights, and an officer called out that he’d get someone to move so they could leave.

“I still can’t believe it,” Tom said, staring out the windshield. “Miss Edie is a bank robber.”

“That’s what you’re stuck on?”

“They said she used to run moonshine, too.” Tom gasped, instantly scandalized as he hissed, “And that she tried to kill Mr. Crosby’s wife. Oh, my God.”

“Tom.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Cypress reached over for his hand. “You haven’t said very much about what happened with Aaron.”

“I’m…” Tom paused, trying to sort out what to say. The dull ache in his chest was beginning to throb again, and it made it hard to think.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now if you’re not ready. I know it’s a lot to process.”

“I guess I’m trying to distract myself from talking about Aaron by thinking about Miss Edie.”

“If that’s helping you deal, then let’s do that.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m kind of… I’m actually heartbroken, to be honest.” Tom swallowed thickly. “I really thought he was my friend. But in the end, none of that mattered. He’s just as ugly as everybody else.”

“Ugly? What do you mean?”

“Death brings out the worst in people. I’ve seen families fighting over their poor mom’s jewelry, and she’s dead on the floor right next to them. I saw one guy serve his wife divorce papers when we were there picking up their child. I’ve heard kids arguing over who’s gonna get grandpa’s guns while he’s still warm.

“And then the next day at the funeral, they all act like they cared so damn much and put on this big show. We see the nastiest side of people that nobody else does. It’s amazing what absolute monsters they can be. But I didn’t think… I didn’t think one would be right in front of me, and I would have no idea.”

Cypress sighed, kissing Tom’s hand. “I know I could say you can’t judge a book by its cover and all that shit—”

“Ugh. Please don’t.”

“I’m not,” Cypress soothed. “Just listen. You hold yourself and your co-workers to an incredible standard. Hell, even the entire funeral business. You guys have one of the hardest jobs there is. But while taking care of the dead and their loved ones is very admirable, you’re still only human.”

“I know,” Tom said quietly. “I guess I liked pretending that we were better somehow. Like we were stronger.”

“In some ways, maybe you are. I don’t expect you have tons of guys knocking down the door trying to be funeral directors. It takes a special person to do what you do, right?”

“Yeah. And crazy.” Tom tried to smile. “I think crazy is a prerequisite, too.”

“No disagreement there.”

Tom laughed. “Hey, easy now. You know you don’t always have to agree with me, yeah?”