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They should be. But he hadn't considered how difficult it was, accepting any gesture from Agu, and feigning an interest in Eketi. Especially as he wasn't sure she was over him yet. He'd made the mistake of sleeping with someone who was in love with him, he didn't have the courage to repeat it .

But he'd suggested it. Hang out with her. Spark dating rumours. Throw another fish to the Internet sharks to veer them off course. She could even be the perfect distraction he needed from the Alex problem.

Unable to resist toying with her, he sent her a knowing look, drawling, “Wouldn't you like that?”

“Fuck you. We both need this. Don't act like I'm the desperate one here.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But we can just lie. Something very easy for you.”

She laughed. A sharp bark. Pearly-white teeth flashing. “Why does it sound like you're the one mad? I delayed shooting because swollen lips didn't fit into the scenes!”

Compared to the tiny lie she'd spread about him being a one-minute man, what he'd done to her was more hurtful.

“Sorry,” he said, anything but. “Though, if I hadn't asked you to leave at that moment, you'd still have been out one minute later.”

She shook her head. “You're still one cold, cold man. But this isn't about us anymore. For Red Tinsel to break the market, this—” she gestured at both of them, “—has to change.”

Timi dropped his legs. “I agree.”

She patted her hair. “So, dinner on Saturday, same place?”

“I'll let you know.”

“See scope. Heard you changed your number.”

“My assistant will send it to you.”

A corner of her mouth lifted. “Where did you find him? You don't see those kinds roaming the streets of Lagos.”

His stomach did the twisting thing again. “Why? Seeking double annihilation?”

She smiled. “Are you both offering?” She leaned into him, enveloping him in a flowery scent. A black acrylic nail trailed his shirt's collar. Then, she grazed her mouth against his ear. “Jealousy doesn't look good on you, honey. I promise there's enough here to go arou—”

The door opened, and Alex appeared at the doorway. Timi's heart did a crazy jump, then began rabbiting in his chest. He had a sudden urge to shove Eketi off. To jump to his feet so Alex could see nothing was happening .

But what was crazier was the way Alex stared at Eketi, whose body still leaned into Timi. He regarded her like he would a rat caught eating his original certificate a night before an interview with the Big 4.

Timi's mouth went dry. He hadn't really thought about Alex suffering the same malady. He was the weird one who'd never heard of friendship. And Alex had Nejeere. Maybe he was upset because he had plans with his girlfriend, and Timi was there, frolicking with a potential one.

Eketi straightened, smirking. “Speak of the devil.”

“I see you're busy,” Alex said, then turned to leave.

Timi jumped up. “No!” At Eketi's startled gaze, he composed himself. “I mean, we're done.”

Alex stared at them for a minute, gave a sharp nod, and retreated.

“Boy, what did I do to him?” Eketi muttered, as Timi picked his flask and script. “That he's fine doesn't mean he should be so testy.”

So, he wasn't the only one who noticed.

“You probably bring out the worst in people,” he said as they walked out. “I'll text you to reschedule. It's nice seeing you again, Eketi.”

And he meant it. If there was anyone who would make him break his rules, it was Eketi. He would date her for the duration of filming and restore sanity to his unhinging world.

Days later, Timi was still without a girlfriend and Alex's hostility towards Eketi that first day now seemed like he'd dreamt it up.

They got along as fine as Alex got along with everyone.

He was polite, distant, an image of untouchable attractiveness.

Buck's grievous oversight as lamented by all who found out the only lines Alex memorised were the ones from an employee handbook .

With everyone else, he was the Alex Timi had met at FENDI. With Timi, he was a man whose conversations seamlessly touched the core of things Timi had long buried and forgotten.

In their resting moments, Timi told him about the humiliating roles he bagged before Agu gave him a break.

Uncle Jude's reluctant support and how hard he had to work to untangle himself from Agu's tight grip to get independent projects.

Moulding himself into this successful, respected actor, he had trouble recognising.

The guilt he had to live with after discovering his godfather's major sources of income.

Alex listened and shared too. The loneliness of living in a foreign country.

His Indian neighbour Rajesh, who introduced him to wrestling, which helped greatly in providing for his family.

The horrible nights he spent buried in the stench of sweat and blood, and the belligerent bellows of bloodthirsty bruisers.

On the last day of the table reading, while Timi readied for bed, his phone on the nightstand chimed. NEON HULK had sent him a Word file. And while he stared at it, a music file came in. A message following it.

Timi connected his phone to the room speakers and clicked on an Mp3 file named Sea of Tranquillity.

An esoteric blend of mellow techno and rave spilled from above and around him.

It immediately transported him into a dimension of blue skies and water, bare feet in sharp sand, coconut water on parched tongues, love-filled air, books, peace.

The Word file was captioned: A – Z Fun Activities for Self-Searchers. With a long alphabetical list containing two pages.

The third page had another caption: A – Z of these Fun Places.

An uncontrollable grin split his face. It was becoming a thing with them.

Alex asking if a school of thought belonged to Timi or the new guy, and Timi clarifying.

Surprisingly, there had been certain things the old Timi wouldn't have said or done.

Enjoying pool, staying off sex, preferring someone's company over solitude, talking about himself.

Peace from living his days as they came settled within him.

In the chaos, he'd found a nice little corner to just breathe.

This would be the first time they were extending their conversations outside work hours. How many days had he been working on this? Why did he?

He plonked his face into the bed and replied.

Typing appeared immediately, as though Alex had been waiting.

Timi chuckled, his heart strangely swollen.

Timi paused. What did that mean? He restarted the song as he sent;

His thumb hit send before realisation burned through him. Oh God. When did he start using words like that to describe himself? And why ask such a retarded question? Most importantly, why hadn't Alex replied yet? He must have flung his phone in disgu—

His phone chimed, and he nearly dropped it.

You've always been.

It didn't mean anything. Alex didn't think he really was. He was only echoing the words of millions of people. Timi took a deep breath, feeling like a complete idiot. When had texting become this brain-draining?

Alex went offline, and when Timi began to think he might have spooked him off, his phone lit up with an incoming call.

His heart lurched. Having a chat close to midnight about tragic happiness with a man his brain was having trouble defining, was one thing. Talking to him on the other hand…

A long breath quivered out of him as he picked the call.

“Is this a bad time?” Alex's deep voice settled over him like his fur blanket on a harmattan night.

His grin turned moronic as he burrowed into his pillows. “When the night sleeps, I roam.”

A long pause, then, “Okay, that was terrible.”

“At least I tried with the voice.”

Alex snorted. “Highly debatable. So, you're also afraid of happiness?”

Typical Alex. So direct. “Also?”

“You have to admit it's scary. Isn't that why you called it tragic?”

Timi closed his eyes. He wasn't used to having conversations like this, and the words flitted around his brain like newly formed moths learning to fly.

“I no longer find it scary,” he said. “Just…

tragic, in a kind of good way. People think it's simple.

You're happy, so you're not sad. Or you're sad, therefore you can't be happy. But what about people like me whose sadness brings them happiness? ”

Alex asked, “Like being happy and sad at the same time?”

“No. Like being happy because you're sad. Sadness becoming your haven.”

“Hm. Before we go further, who thinks like this? Timi or our new guy?”

Timi released a deep breath. “Hard to tell.

It's always been like this for me. Considering how my life has been, I should be happy.

But…I don't know…there's just been something missing and my father's death made me realise how I'd been using him to fill up the emptiness.

I've had some Almost Moments at happiness where I thought, yes, this is who I am now, but they soon lost their…zing. So, whenever opportunities came for me to really feel this happiness, this fulfilment, I got too scared and weary.”

“Have you been stalking me my whole life?” Alex asked.

Timi chuckled. “Our lives mirror each other. But I found the cheat code.”

“Always suspected you're a genius.”

Timi snorted. “Well, it's simple really. Since happiness barely lasts, and sadness is enduring, why not make the recurrent one your default state? Ignore the topsy-turvy fickle human emotions and just be permanently sad.”

“Wow. Sounds…cowardly.”

“As opposed to being scared every time?”

“Well, good things hardly happen to me. My life so far is enough proof. But I don't think I can completely regret my choices. Fear gauges your aliveness, y’know? Your cheat code makes you sound dead.”

“Great, then. The deader, the better. Sadness has always been my companion. My dilapidated house with my essence all over its walls. It's ugly, but it's me. It witnessed everything and kept me warm when others couldn't withstand the storm.”

Quietness settled for a moment, before Alex said, “You might want to review this analogy, because there's nothing dead or cowardly about you. In fact, you've been somewhat inspiring. To stop being so damned scared all the time. To leave the known and try the unknown.”

Timi's heartbeat lost rhythm. Thumping against his ribs like his heart wanted out. “Careful now,” he whispered. “You sound like you admire me. ”

Alex's voice dropped lower, warm and smooth. A generous dollop of Plateau honey. “And what if I do?”

The thumps increased momentum, and his limbs grew heavy, like he'd overdosed on roofies. What was happening? “You should stop. There's nothing here worthy of emulation.”

Alex stayed silent for a long while, then said, “What if I can't?”

It was Timi's turn to be rendered speechless.

They weren't talking about a harmless admiration anymore.

He could bet his ingrown toenail never straightening on that.

The harm in this…admiration could set the whole nation on fire.

Burn Uncle Jude to unsalvageable crisps and return Timi to the hell he'd escaped.

His whole life's meaning was to prove to the world he would rather stick his dick in a grinder, than touch skin with a man.

But here he was, slowly unravelling before Alex.

Who, not only was a man, but a love-interest of his personal person.

What lowliest of scum coveted someone else's property?

And Alex, a cheat? It seemed even more preposterous than his own attraction.

“P,” he blurted, taking the responsibility of being the sane one.

“Huh?” Alex grunted.

“P for playing an instrument. I'm picking that for you. You play any?”

“Err…I can play a perfect Mary had a little lamb on the piano.”

“Wow. Beethoven. B.”

“Baking?” Alex asked.

“Yeah. Picking that for me. Or would you prefer—”

“No.”

His sharp rebuttal caused Timi to chuckle. “You detest cooking like me? That's why I chose it. Who knows, that might be my calling. Pancakes do count, right?”

Alex cleared his throat. “As long as flour is the primary ingredient.”

“Ah. Any free weekend then?”

“Any free weekend.”

Another silence fell. He should bid him goodnight and cut the call, but he couldn't move. Something rustled from Alex's end, like he was turning over in bed. Perhaps clad in silk like Timi. Maybe they could talk about their night routines. Sleep patterns. From one bro to another .

“I—” Timi began.

“I should allow you sleep,” Alex said simultaneously.

Disappointment coursed through him. “Oh. Uhm, yeah. Sure. Goodnight?”

“Goodnight,” Alex returned.

The phone line stayed on.

“You should know,” Alex said after a while, “you have a lot to be admired for. Thank you for indulging me tonight.”

The line went dead.

Timi remained wide-eyed in the dark for most part of the night. His heart beating tremulous murmurs, keeping sleep at bay with its audacious hope for something unnamed.