Page 29 of The Lady of Red River Valley (Ladies of the Wilderness #2)

Chapter Twelve

T he storm continued to blow, and the thunder and lightning were now simultaneously crashing and sparking overhead.

Arran embraced Eleanor as if she were the very anchor that held him to the present.

Everything else that had come before, and everything yet to come, meant nothing.

All that mattered was this moment. His heart pounded like mad, and all his senses were sharpened.

“Aye,” he whispered, unable to hide the truth any longer. “I love you more than life itself.”

A sound of pleasure slipped off her lips, then she pulled him toward her again, kissing him this time.

He responded to the kiss, just as fervently as before. His hands slipped down to rest on the small of her back and he pulled her closer, pressing her body to his. His muscles responded to every dip and valley of her body, tightening with longing.

When he pulled away, they were both breathless again, and he wondered what it might feel like to hold her for the rest of his life. His heart longed to be at her side every day, for better or worse.

Yet there was a very real possibility that if she stayed at Fort Douglas, they would only have a few days together on this earth.

He was not ignorant of the violence descending upon them.

He could not take the risk of losing her, or of her seeing him perish.

If she did not leave with William now, who would take her back to England if something happened to him?

And what if they survived to fight another battle?

What if they married, only to face this same trouble again in a few weeks or months?

What if they eventually had a child, how could he see both of them suffer?

Arran wrapped her in a tight embrace, needing to feel her, to reassure himself that in this moment, she was still alive and vibrant. Yet he knew it could not last. This stolen moment was simply a gift that he would cherish and carry in his heart, long after she was safely away.

“What am I doing?” he whispered. “I shouldna be holding you like this, Eleanor. I ken if I ever kissed you, it would be almost impossible to let you go.”

“You don’t have to let me go. I want to stay here, with you.”

He held her closer. “I ken that you do, and I want it, too, more than you might imagine.”

She was silent for a moment. “Then why do you sound as if you are unhappy?”

With a tortured sigh, he pulled back and met her gaze.

“Nothing has changed, lass. If anything, it has only become worse. I vowed to Lord Selkirk that I would not abandon this fort, despite the fight that is coming.” He filled his lungs and then let out the air.

“I am trying to think reasonably and rationally where you are concerned, but my head and my heart are telling me two different things. Selfishly, I want you to stay. But, I ken it would be best for you to leave, while you still can. I’d send everyone away, if I could, but the colonists have nowhere else to go.

And many of them are just as determined to see this colony stand as I am. ”

“I want to take the risk with you.” She removed her hands from behind his neck and let them lie on the sides of his face.

Her touch was everything he thought it might be, and far more. He’d never known such pleasure as he did in this moment. He choked as he said the words he needed to say. “I am not willing that you would take that risk. It would destroy me, if you came to harm because of me.”

“It would not be because of—”

“Eleanor.” He put his hands over hers and lowered them.

He could not think straight while she caressed his face.

“I am trying to be rational and wise. I dinna want to make a decision based on my feelings, but on common sense. The facts are plain, and we would be foolish not to heed them. You have a way to escape. I want you to take it.”

She lowered her chin and shook her head. “What if something miraculous happens and the colony becomes safe? I will be married to another, for the rest of my life.”

“I dinna ken if I believe in miracles anymore.” He let go of her hands, needing even more space from her.

“The North West Company and the Hudson’s Bay Company have been in battle for almost forty years, why would that suddenly end now?

” He needed her to understand, to see what was best for her.

“West is a good, God-fearing man. He will be kind and loving.” He stopped and gathered his emotions before continuing.

“He will give you all the things I canna. And, in time, you will learn to love him.”

“I could never love him the way I love you.”

“Mayhap not, but you will love him.” He knew it as well as he knew the storm would pass and a new day would dawn.

“And you will have Miriam to comfort you.” In time, she would probably have other children to fill her home, though the thought of Eleanor sharing intimacies with West was almost more than he could bear.

“You can be happy, lass, and that is what I want for you.”

“How can you say I will be happy, when I will not be with you?” Tears fell from her eyes.

At the sight of them, Arran’s willpower almost eroded.

He hated knowing he was the cause of her unhappiness—but it was easier knowing he was breaking her heart than to know he would be the cause of her death.

He had lived with the guilt and shame of his mother’s death and knew it was an infinitely greater burden to bear.

The storm continued to unleash its fury against the prairie, but in this small tower, Arran and Eleanor were safe. Rain blew in, moistening their skin and clothing, though they were spared the brunt of the onslaught.

“I dinna want to cause you pain,” he said to her.

“In time, you will be happy again.” Though he doubted it to be true for himself.

He wanted to reassure her and to send her away with nothing but hope for the future.

“You will have a full life, and when you are old, you will look back at these memories through the kind lens of time. You will recall me with fondness, but all the other memories of your life will overshadow these few short months in Assiniboia, and you will see that leaving was the right thing for you. I have no doubt.”

She pressed the back of her fist to her lips as a sob escaped her mouth. For several moments, she did not speak as the tears fell.

It took all his resolve to keep his distance, afraid if he tried to comfort her again, he would lose all ability to think and behave rationally. He loved her too much to send her to West stained or sullied.

The rain began to taper, and the rumble of thunder grew less and less powerful.

Finally, Eleanor wiped her tears, though her voice still shook with emotion. “I have always trusted and respected you, but in the past ten months, my admiration for you has only grown.” She paused and took a steadying breath. “It would be foolish of me not to listen to you now.”

Her words brought him immeasurable relief, yet they tore at his very soul. He wanted to ask her if it meant she would marry West, but he couldn’t force the question out of his mouth.

“I should get back before anyone notices I’m gone.” She wiped her cheeks again, her voice resolute. “I will need my rest if I’m to prepare to leave the day after tomorrow.”

He did not respond. What could he say?

She stood for a moment, watching him, as if waiting for him to stop her.

Arran forced his feet to stay planted, recalling how weak he’d felt when he could not save his mother. This time was different. He was using his strength and willpower to protect Eleanor the only way he knew how.

By sending her away.

She didn’t speak as she walked slowly to the ladder and then started her descent.

The rain was barely falling now, offering him a view of the prairie and the fort yard once again.

Right before she disappeared down the ladder, she looked at him one last time.

He swallowed, resolved to remain steadfast.

Her eyes were filled with the deepest sorrow he’d ever seen. Without a word, she left his sight.

A few moments later, he saw her walking across the muddy yard to the governor’s house.

She did not look back to see if he watched her.