Page 3

Chapter 3

Lillian

T iffany barrels up the shore, shouting loudly enough to break me out of my reverie. I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been floating out here, and there’s a slight chill in the air that tickles the back of my neck when I right myself in the water.

Thankfully, Tiff hasn’t seen me yet. She’s seen me naked before, of course, but I don’t like to make a habit of flashing my friends without warning.

“Lil?? Lil!!”

“Relax, I’m out here!”

I kick a little harder with my legs, and I’m able to wave an arm above my head to get her attention. She squints at the shoreline, just barely visible in the evening dusk.

“Are you… naked? ” She shouts, sounding out of breath. I can just make out the yellow swimsuit bundled in her hands— my swimsuit, that I left on the shore.

I shrug my bare shoulders as I tread water, not that she can see the gesture all the way out here. “I wanted to try skinny dipping. And you were occupied.”

“About that.” Tiffany stops along the edge of the surf, and her voice drops. “I think we should go home early.”

“What?” I groan. This again? “Tiff, this could be our last vacation together for years. You want to cut it short?”

“Dean says he saw something in the water when he was fishing just now. Something big. I think it’s Pressie. The Lake Monster. You shouldn’t be out there.”

“ Seriously??” I swim closer to her, too angry to have this conversation without my feet on the ground. I need my arms for gesturing right now, not doggy paddling. “The mythical lake monster. Dean thinks he saw Pressie?”

“I know it sounds silly, Lil, but I’ve had this weird feeling all day–”

“You know what I think?” My shins hit the pebbly ground beneath me and I gather myself, rising out of the water until my torso is exposed to the night air. I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow. “I think that feeling is called horny, and you’re using local mythology as an excuse to get your boyfriend in a cozy hotel for the night.”

“What?” Her face flushes enough that I can see the hot pink even in the dim light of the moon. “Just because—Lil, no, that’s not it. I care about this vacation as much as you do!”

“Really? It doesn’t seem like that. You haven’t even gotten in the water this week, Tiff!” An angry puff of breath shoots out of me as I try to calm down, try to make her see my side of things. But my hands clench inside my elbows as I fight to keep my temper under wraps. “This has always been our time. This little girls’ trip, just for us. For the past three years, these vacations have been the only time I’ve known I could actually count on you to really be present with me. Ever since you and Dean moved in together, we hardly hang out just the two of us. And now that you’re engaged, I feel like I never get to see you anymore!”

She shuffles her shoulders uncomfortably. “Lillian, come on. You’re being unfair.”

“ I’m being unfair?” I raise my hands and walk closer, the water now down to my waist. Great. I guess I’ll have to have my boobs out for this conversation anyway. “Tiffany, you are leaving the only time we’ve carved out for each other in the past year to call your fiancé three times a day . You’re texting him constantly, like you’ve done every time I’ve tried to take you to a movie or out for drinks since you’ve gotten engaged! And if you aren’t texting him, it’s because he’s tagging along. You never hang out with me anymore!”

Tiffany’s face glows red. She knows she’s wrong. But she refuses to admit it. “We still hang out!”

“Yeah, with Dean!” I yell. “It’s never just the two of us. I miss talking to you without having Dean coming between us. I miss my best friend!”

She’s silent for a second, and my racing heart drops. I walk closer, searching her face to try to see what she’s thinking.

Just say you miss me, too.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Lillian.” I freeze when she finally speaks, only a few yards away from her now. She fidgets with the swimsuit in her hands. “I want to go home.”

“ Why , though? What did I do?”

“Nothing, I just do, okay? There’s the lake mon–”

“Oh please, it’s not the fucking lake monster!” I stomp my foot, sending water splashing all around. A few drops spray Tiff’s face, and she wipes at them. My face is wet, too, but it isn’t from the lake. “Tell me the truth! What is it? Why don’t you want to spend time with me anymore?”

Tears stream down my cheeks, and my throat clenches around all the frustration I’ve been holding back. I need her to acknowledge it. That she’s been drifting apart, trying to leave me behind. I just want her to admit it.

Tiffany stares down at my swimsuit still clutched in her hands. “I just… look, can you put some clothes on? This is awkward.”

She tosses my suit to me. Surprised, I just barely manage to catch it.

“Not until you answer my question.”

“I don’t… I don’t feel safe here. Not now. Not with…” She puts her hand on her stomach, and I feel that flash of unfairness again.

Okay. Now she’s just trying to deflect. She has to be, because something isn’t adding up here. I’m a decent swimmer, but Tiffany swam competitively in high school. Half the reason we even started coming here all those years ago was because she wanted to swim in Lake Superior. I get that she’s pregnant, but exercise is good for pregnancy. Swimming, especially. Why would she feel unsafe here?

“Nothing dangerous has happened here in the ten years we’ve been visiting. What is really going on?”

She throws up her hands, and there are tears welling in her eyes now, too.

“Look, maybe I’m just done with this phase of my life, okay? Going out to bars, partying with the girls. Maybe I’m about to get married and have a kid and I think it’s time for me to move on from all of that.”

“That phase? ” Okay. Now I’m angry.

I may be many things, but I am not a phase.

“What the hell are you talking about, Tiff? I’m not asking for you to party with the girls . I’m not asking you to drink, I’m not asking you to be reckless and put yourself in danger. I’m asking you to spend one week—one measly week—with me. Your best friend. ”

She stares at me, rubbing her stomach. I clutch my swimsuit in front of me.

“If you can’t understand, then maybe we’re not as close as we used to be.” She looks away, and I hold back a sob. “I did make time for you, Lillian. We’ve had three days out here together. And it’s been fun. But now I want to go back home. Yes, with Dean. He helps me feel safe. Is that too much to ask?”

He helps her feel safe.

Because, supposedly, she doesn’t feel safe around me. Or part of what she considers “home”.

“Fine.” I toss the swimsuit into the surf. “But I’m staying here. If you’re not going to enjoy our girls’ trip, then I will. For both of us. Enjoy your ten-hour car ride with Dean.”

The last words crack on my lips as I turn away from her, submerging myself back into the water.

I can’t believe it. Three days. Three days, in a whole year. That’s her “making time” for me.

I’ve been trying to be a supportive friend through the biggest changes in her life, through the engagement and the baby and all of it, and she can’t bear to spend more than a couple of days on the beach with me before running back to her fiancé.

What happened to us? What happened to the best friend who’d brought me back to life after I fell apart, after I lost everything? The one who promised we’d always be there for each other?

I knew things would change when she and Dean got engaged, but I didn’t think…

You know what? Fine. She can leave. I’ll find new friends. Maybe I’ll even find a boyfriend or partner of my own, finally. Someone way better than Dean. Someone who will actually let me spend time with my friends, who actually cares about what I want and who I am. Instead of just changing me into someone else entirely.

Without even thinking, I dive under the water and take long, powerful strokes across the lake. I don’t even think about how far I’m going, or how long it will take to get back.

I just know that I don’t want to be around to see it when Tiffany finally leaves me for good.