Page 51 of The Illusion of Power (Passion and Politics #1)

CAL

B eck is asleep in my bed, and it took zero effort to get him here.

I should be relishing in that fact, should be marveling at the sound of his soft snores and the scent of Selene filling my nostrils because he refused to wash her off his skin.

We worked the rest of our shift smelling like her and finished out the evening quietly indulging in each other.

He let me fuck him against the wall, his cheek pressed to the portrait of a field of wildflowers hanging next to the TV while I held him open, listening as he described what it was like to be inside Selene in vivid detail.

We came together, collapsing into bed shortly after without even eating dinner.

He fell asleep in minutes, one arm thrown over my stomach. Normally, I’m the one who sleeps easily while Beck stays up pacing and worrying, but tonight we’ve traded places.

I blame Charlie.

She texted me right after Beck passed out, responding to a message I sent forty-eight hours ago asking for an update on Jacob Marsh.

Charlie: Nothing on JM. Going on assignment. Will be in touch when I can.

The curtness of the message doesn’t bother me so much as the content of it.

I just find it hard to believe that she’s having trouble learning anything about Jacob outside of what we shared with her.

If the kid has the balls to be gunning for a high-profile figure like Selene and enough pull to get a Secret Service agent to violate their solemn oath, then he has to be on someone’s radar.

Although I know she probably doesn’t have her phone on her, I still write back and tell her to be safe.

Then I put my phone face down on the nightstand and attempt to sleep.

As soon as I close my eyes, it starts to ring, nearly falling to the floor from the force of the continuous vibrations.

Thinking it might be Charlie, I rush to pick it up, partially deflating when I see my brother Hunter’s name scrolling across the screen instead.

There was a time when I’d fully deflate at a call from Hunter, when I’d just let the phone ring or send him to voicemail because I didn’t want to know about whatever problems were plaguing him that day.

That time has passed, though, and I’m smiling as the call connects, hoping I’ll get a chance to talk to Riley too.

“What’s up, little Drake?”

I can practically see the scowl on his face. “Little? Nigga, I’m bigger than you.”

Hunter is bigger than pretty much everyone, so there’s not really a point to this line of conversation besides getting on his nerves. I didn’t get to do enough of that when we were younger, at least not in the fun, playful way.

“True, but I’m the oldest.”

“The fuck does that have to do with size?”

“Everything.”

He scoffs. “You hit your head when you were taking down those bank robbers in Wisconsin?”

“You heard about that?”

“Yeah, Rae showed me an article about it. Imagine my surprise when I see the date and realized you almost died a few weeks ago.”

I wince, understanding my mistake immediately. Part of working on our relationship means keeping each other abreast of significant events in our lives. I guess trading shots with some low-level criminals counts in his mind.

“Shit, I’m sorry for not keeping you in the loop.”

“It’s all good, bro. Just make sure you call your niece and let her know you’re okay. Rae found the article on her iPad. Apparently, she googles you on the regular.”

The article in question is a small-time publication in Madison, Wisconsin, that refused to comply with a request to remove my name from their write-up on the robbery.

I registered the issue with Hicks, but of course, he brushed me off, saying a two line mention of my involvement wasn’t a threat to national security.

Learning that his nonchalance has once again cost someone I care about their peace of mind sets my teeth on edge.

“I will give her a call tomorrow after school,” I promise Hunter. “We can FaceTime if she wants.”

“She’ll love that. Make sure Beck’s there too.”

I glance at the man I have to share every good thing in this life with and smile, knowing he won’t pass up the chance to talk to Ri. “He’ll be there.”

Hunter hums his acknowledgment. Usually, this is the point where we end the call, but he’s lingering, as if he has something more to say. Dread coils in the pit of my stomach, and I start to pray, pleading with every god, idol and deity that he’s not about to tell me he’s relapsed again.

After multiple stents of falling off and climbing back on the wagon, he’s finally figured out how to make it stick.

It’s been over a decade since he last used.

I can’t think of a single reason why he’d throw all that progress away, but I also know that addiction doesn’t abide by logic.

It doesn’t play by the rules, doesn’t stop niggling at you just because you have everything you want.

Hunter once told me that’s when the thoughts get the loudest, when the fear of ruining everything becomes a breeding ground for self-sabotage.

God, I don’t want that to be the case for him.

I clear my throat, interrupting the silence that’s enveloped us. “Any updates on your end?”

My fingers are crossed for a simple, inconsequential change. Something small and not at all capable of disrupting the delicate balance of his life. That’s not what I get though.

“Riley’s officially a Drake.”

“What?!” I whisper-shout, smiling so big my cheeks hurt. “Hunter, that’s great news.”

He and Rae—Riley’s mom and Hunter’s non-girlfriend, girlfriend—started the process of changing Riley’s last name in August, right after her tenth birthday. I’m happy to hear that it’s done.

“Yeah, I know. Rae is over the moon. Riley doesn’t know just yet, but when she finds out she’s going to be excited. We’re going to have a party.”

“And what about you? Are you excited?”

“I’m scared, man. Rae showed me the paper she got from the courts saying it’s official, and all of a sudden I just panicked. What if I can’t do this?”

There’s a helpless quality to his voice that activates the paternal instincts I’m not sure I’ll ever get to tap into for a child of my own.

Suddenly, I’m certain that this is the reason sleep evaded me, so I could be awake for Hunter’s call, so I could give him the kind of support only a brother can.

“You’re already doing it,” I remind him. “You’ve been doing it from the moment she walked into your life. Most people have months to prepare to be a parent, but you were thrown headfirst into the deep end. Anyone else would have drowned, but you started swimming and you never stopped.”

“What am I? A shark?” he quips.

“Yeah, asshole, you’re a fucking shark. Matter of fact, you’re a great white. Big as hell and mean, ready to eat a motherfucker if they look at you or someone you love wrong.”

“Hmm. I think this metaphor is growing on me.”

“Good, because I’m not thinking of another one.” We share a short laugh, and I soak in the moment of levity before turning serious again. “All I’m trying to say is that you are already knee deep in this dad thing, and you’re killing it. That paper shouldn’t scare you, it should affirm you.”

“But what if I fuck up again? Do something stupid to make her ashamed to have my last name? To make Rae reconsider agreeing to take it one day?”

From my understanding, things with him and Rae are kind of up in the air.

They’re in some kind of holding period that won’t end until June of next year when Rae will let Hunter know if she really wants to give them another chance.

He’s been doing extremely well with the whole being in limbo thing.

I guess that’s something we have in common.

“Hunter, you’re going to fuck up in a million different ways, but none of them will ever make Rae and Riley stop loving you.” I pause for a beat then continue. “Unless of course, you pull a Nicholas Drake and abandon them to start a whole new family.”

“Fuck you, Cal. I would never do no dumb shit like that,” he growls. His clear offense makes me laugh, which shakes the bed, and Beck stirs a bit, turning over on his other side. “Alright then, sounds like you don’t have anything to worry about.”

I’ve lowered my voice a bit, but now that Beck’s been disturbed he’s turned restless. He tosses the cover off of him and groans, rolling onto his stomach.

“Are you with someone?” Hunter asks.

“Just Beck.”

“Is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s sleeping.” I don’t say anymore than that, leaving space for Hunter to draw his own conclusions. We haven’t talked much about my love life, but he’s known for a long time that I date men, so I’m sure it’s crossed his mind once or twice that there might be something between Beck and me.

That something changed drastically tonight in Selene’s suite, becoming something more. I don’t know what it is yet, but I know what I want it to be: forever.

“Oh, is it late there?”

“Almost three.”

We’re three hours ahead, so it’s only nearing midnight for him.

“Damn. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about the time difference when I called, I just wanted to talk to you.”

Warmth bubbles up in my chest. “I’m glad you didn’t think about it.”

“Why because you wanted to talk shit to me in the wee hours of the morning?” he jokes, the way we tend to do when things are getting a little too emotional.

Most of the time, I follow him into the comfort of humor, but I don’t do it because just a few hours ago two people I love showed me the power of leaning into your feelings instead of hiding from them.

“No, Hunter, because I love you, and love means being willing to be inconvenienced. I’ll gladly sacrifice sleep if it means having the chance to say something that might help ease your mind.”

“Do me a favor, Cal?”

“What’s up?”

“Don’t bring all that sappy shit to New Haven the next time you come to visit.”

Now, I’m sucking my teeth. “Go to hell, Hunter.”

“Gladly, when I get there, I’ll save you a seat right between me and Dad.”

We both laugh at the idea of us spending an eternity suffering next to the man who kept us apart for so long.

Hunter ends the call shortly after, citing the need for sleep.

I let him go and curl up next to Beck, whispering a prayer for my brother and his family, hoping the same winds of fortune that brought him his daughter and a second chance with the love of his life will blow my way.