Page 52 of The Honeymoon Affair

When Charles realised what was going on, he came and stood in front of me flapping his arms and saying that he’d be happy to go to Canada, while I mouthed at him to go away.

‘Why are you favouring Cosmo bloody Penhaligon over me?’ he demanded when I ended the call. ‘That woman was perfectly happy to have me.’

‘You’ve done this event before,’ I reminded him. ‘Cosmo hasn’t.’

‘So what!’ he exploded. ‘You know, with you running off to St Ives at every available opportunity and now pushing him ahead of me, it’s very clear to me where your loyalties lie.’

‘It’s not a case of favouring him over you,’ I insisted. ‘I’m working for both of you.’

‘You certainly are working for him,’ he said. ‘I saw your laptop the other day. It was open on the flights page.’

‘So what?’

‘So you’re not long back and you’re looking for an excuse to go again.’

‘Oh for God’s sake, Charles. If my client needs me, I’ll go. And I’ll remind you that you weren’t even here when I came back last time. So I could’ve stayed longer.’

‘And done what?’

‘Had a good time,’ I snapped.

‘Have you already had a good time with him?’ demanded Charles. ‘Sitting in his lovely living room reading his soft porn together.’

‘It’s not soft porn,’ I objected.

‘It bloody is. And I can just see it, him asking you if a woman would really like what he’s describing and then you—’

‘Stop it!’ I cried. ‘You’re being ridiculous.’

Though only partly ridiculous, because the scene he was sketching out was uncannily accurate.

‘You’re different every time you come back from him,’ said Charles.

‘And you’re different every time you come back from Mayo,’ I retorted. ‘Doesn’t mean I suspect you of having an affair with the woman in the cottage next door.’

‘Because Mrs Mahon is eighty-five. And because my mother was with me in Mayo. But I’ve seen the way Cosmo Penhaligon looks at you. I’ve seen the way you look at him. I’m not a fool, Ariel.’

‘Yes you bloody are,’ I said. And I stormed out of the room.

The following day, Charles told me it was him or Cosmo.

I said it wasn’t an either/or situation. And that in case he’d forgotten, I was married to him, not Cosmo. I was sleeping with him, not Cosmo.

‘You sure about that?’ he asked.

‘Of course I’m sure. But I’ll tell you something, Charles Miller, if the opportunity arises to hop into bed with Cosmo Penhaligon, I’ll seriously consider it. I might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. And at least when you’re ranting on at me, I’ll be able to think it was worth it!’

We stared at each other in grim silence. I wished I could take back those words, but it was too late. Charles cleared his throat. Then he said I still had to choose.

‘As I said at the start of this . . . discussion, it’s not a case of you or Cosmo,’ I said as calmly as I could. ‘I don’t love Cosmo.’

‘You want to have sex with him.’

‘Can’t we—’

‘Drop him,’ he said. ‘Or it’s over.’

I always thought it was possible to have it all. I always thought I had the power to fix anything that was wrong. But I couldn’t fix this. Love doesn’t truly conquer everything. I loved Charles, but I’d already compromised my career by moving to Ireland for him. I wasn’t going to let him tell me who could or couldn’t be my client. And I wasn’t going to let him make me feel guilty every time I went away.