Page 21

When Hope is Blinding

“ I

am so sorry,” I told her, making her scoff.

“No, you are not.”

“Okay, so you want the truth? Then no, I am not sorry to find out that he didn’t rape me,” I said, and she flinched, as if she only just thought about it that way. “But I am sorry this knowledge is hurting you and that is the truth,” I added as she sniffed back fresh tears.

“I believe you,” she told me softly, making me sigh.

“It’s why we can’t risk letting him know what we heard. We don’t know what he will do, but we do know what he can do … because if he can make us believe whatever he wants, then just how far will he take that?” Finally, this was enough to get her to agree with me.

“You’re right, we can’t.”

My relief was one she felt as a shudder went through us both.

“What do you suggest we do?” she asked, after she had wiped her tears and no longer needed the wall to support her.

“We play along until we know it is safe to escape. We then get to the camp and tell them what we know is coming. Then we face Garmr on the battlefield and take from him all he holds dear… his power.”

She nodded but before we could say any more about it, a guard came from around the corner, clearly surprised to find us there. Anástasi stood straighter and, thankfully, was quick to act the part.

“My Lord is looking for you.”

“I was just in search of him,” she replied, impressing me with her impassive tone, especially considering what I knew she was going through internally.

“This way,” he said holding out his arm, prompting her to follow.

Of course, she knew where he would be, so she strode past the guard, determination in her steps.

As for me, I was on edge, hoping that she could hold it together long enough to act the part.

At least long enough for us to find a way to escape.

I honestly hadn’t felt hope like this before.

It was as if I was so close to getting back to Jared, I could almost touch him.

Something that couldn’t happen soon enough because the second the light was shining at the end of the tunnel, I could hear the thundering of his army. And I was right, this time it was at least three times bigger than the one before it. One that was about to get even bigger.

The second I stepped onto the balcony, there was Garmr, staring out toward the distance.

A place our own eyes turned to and like a scourge upon the Earth, a shadow had befallen the land.

Wave after wave of soldiers made their way through the valley…

they just kept coming. An endless army of bodies that would soon join the thousands all lined up below the battlements.

But that wasn’t all.

“Ah, my dear, isn’t it a glorious sight?” Garmr said, and I felt her tense behind him. So, I encouraged silently,

“You can do this, I am here with you, you’re not alone in this… just relax or he will know something is wrong.”

The moment I felt her relax, I knew it had worked, and she stepped up to him when he held out his hand to her.

As if on instinct, he pulled her to the front of him before wrapping his arms around her from behind.

I could feel our joint heartbeat pounding rapidly, making me realize that she had been sharing so much more with me these last few days.

She had been trusting me more and more and now since witnessing Garmr’s betrayal, I knew all doubt about me had gone and vanished.

“More men? I didn’t think we would need any more than what we already have?” she said, her voice tense but in the height of his own glee, he didn’t pick up on it.

“Just a precaution, I assure you. For this will be a war we will win and when we do, this realm will finally know peace under our rule. It is nearly over, Anástasi, we are so close,” he told her, giving her a squeeze but, of course, we now knew what that really meant.

Again, I had to give it to her, I could feel the anger pulsating off her in waves, but she kept her cool and didn’t react.

“Ah, here it comes,” Garmr said when something new could be seen appearing over the horizon.

Something darker than all the rest. Something so big that it cast a shadow on all those around it.

Giant grey sails covered it, creating a mound so big that it took hundreds of bodies to pull it on the colossal platform.

Wheels bigger than buildings tore up the land as it was heaved along the road, the valley floor only just big enough for it to fit through. Whatever it was…

It was something monstrous.

“What is it?” Anástasi asked, her tone as fearful as my thoughts were. Because I had a feeling this was the last job Garmr had in store for Anástasi. The one that had the power to end it all.

“It is our secret weapon,” Garmr said, his voice in awe of the sight.

“I thought that was me,” Anástasi said bitterly, letting her feelings slip and making me flinch. At this he gripped her chin and forced her gaze to his.

“Are you alright, my dear? You seem… different.”

“I am just tired,” she replied with a sigh.

“I know, my love, you have been working very hard for our cause, but I promise you, it is nearly over now,” he told her.

“Just smile at him, don’t let him break you, Anástasi, beat him at his own game,” I encouraged. To which she took my advice because I felt her grin up at him, even going so far as to grant him a kiss on the cheek.

“I know, and I look forward to the day when this is all over,” she told him, but it was only I who felt the true weight of those words.

“Then may I suggest that you go lie down and rest, for I am afraid I will be in need of your gifts once more and this time, it will be a true test to your powers. I want you ready,” he said, making her sigh once more before she nodded, no doubt trying not to snap and lunge at him with her nails.

To scream and shout and accuse him of all his wrong doings.

To lash out at him before making him pay. But we both knew now was not the time.

We had a war to win, but that battle was not today. So, I felt her nod her head and remain unmoving as he kissed her, the tender gesture now sickening us both. But he must have sensed her reluctance because he pulled back and gave her a look of concern.

“Are you sure you are alright?”

“Like I said, I am just tired,” she replied in a passive tone, forcing him to nod and let it go. As for me, I was eager for her to leave while we still had him fooled into believing that nothing was amiss. Which was why the moment he released us, I felt as if she could finally breathe for us again.

“You did well,” I told her the second we were free of him and making our way down the tunnel.

However, instead of answering me, she started to run back to our room, her emotions taking hold. The bellowing of our skirt flowed behind us as she raced through the castle, desperate to get herself behind closed doors. Again, my heart broke for her because I remembered the feeling all too well.

After all, what had I done when hearing how the man I loved could never truly love me back?

I had danced until my body had given up.

Because despite how much I hated Garmr for what he had put me through, for all her faults, Anástasi had fallen in love with him.

Fallen in love with her captor. Call it Stockholm syndrome, call it desperation, call it rebound love, whatever label it held, its outcome was always going to be the same.

Devastation of the heart.

Betrayal.

Grief.

Anger.

She was now feeling them all and as she ran, I felt every single one of them right alongside her. Because she was now at her most vulnerable. Which meant that she was letting me in and soon I knew what would happen.

She would give me back control.

But taking it forcefully right now felt wrong. It felt like I would be just another person taking advantage. Another betrayal. Right now, she wouldn’t see it that way… but one day she would.

She started sobbing the second she was inside our bedchamber, finally speaking to me again.

“Why don’t you just take me!?”

“That’s not how this works, Anástasi,” I told her sadly.

“This pain… this pain, I don’t want it! Just take it… take it away, please,” she pleaded, making me sigh.

“Before today I would have, trust me, I am desperate to get back to who I was before, but our mind has been split in two… who knows, perhaps it always was. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing I had just cast that piece of me aside.

You deserve to live just as I do. I want your memories just as much as I want you to have mine.

I want to be whole again. To be Ella as much as I used to be Anástasi, and I can’t do that by just casting you out.

Locking you in some hidden box in my mind like before,” I told her, making her sob harder as she slid to the floor, holding herself tight in a protective ball.

“I want to be whole again too,” she said, and I would be lying if I didn’t say it was a relief.

“Then let’s do this together.”

“But how?” her desperate voice asked.

“I wish I knew, but we can’t give up hope. And we can’t let Garmr win,” I told her, making her nod, her resolve slowly returning.

“No, we can’t, as you are right, we must leave,” she said, getting to her feet, her determination giving her strength once more.

“We can leave through the caves… surely, if Jared got here that way, there must be a way out.’ ”

“But we will be seen,” she pointed out.

“Exactly. We will be seen but our presence there is so common that no one should suspect seeing us. Then when the opportunity presents itself, we make a run for it,” I told her.

“That actually might work,” she agreed, making me chuckle.

“I don’t know why you’re shocked, we do have the same mind, you know,” I teased, and it actually made her laugh. Something that felt like a small victory. One that didn’t last, however, when I reminded her, “But first we must free Orthrus.”

She started shaking her head.

“As much as I would like to, I am not sure how we could get away with it and escape ourselves.”

“Why not? We can’t just leave him here, we don’t know what Garmr would do to him if we don’t help him!” My cry of panic made her wince and hold her head, for once making me apologize, “Sorry, I don’t mean to shout but you have to understand, he’s like a brother to me, Anástasi.”

“I understand, but what if we could help him in another way?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we could heal him enough that it gave him time for others to rescue him?” she asked.

“But Garmr could just outright kill him in his anger,” I was quick to argue, but then something came to me. An idea that might just work. “What if we pretend we have been kidnapped?”

I felt her frown before asking,

“How would that help?”

“Well, we could leave a note of ransom.”

At this she shook our head and said, “I am afraid I am still not following.”

“If the ransom is from Jared saying if Garmr wants you back, the exchange is for his brother, then he will have no choice but to keep him alive… right?” I asked, making her grin.

“That could work, but Garmr knows my handwriting.”

“But he doesn’t know mine,” I told her, and in her eagerness, she raced over to a writing table. Then she lifted the top and blew off the fine layer of dust that had gathered over the things we would need. The sight of the quill and ink pot made me want to wince.

“Er, I hate to say this, but calligraphy has never really been my thing.”

“Don’t worry, I will help you, but you will have to take control of my hand like you have done before,” she offered, and this time we both gave in to the impulse to grin.

“Okay, let’s do this,” I said, and again that dangerous hope burned ever brighter.

I just hoped that in the end…

It didn’t blind me from the truth.