Page 12

Dainty Little Problem

“ G

od’s bollocks! Come on, Dainty, I need these jars refilling, before customers think we are having a closing down sale!” This was the first voice we heard after pushing open a black door that held a hand painted sign on it that said, ‘Open to Bitches, Not Bastards!’

The small shop barely fit Lucius, Amelia, and I inside, and with the amount of stuff in the place, I wondered why the woman at the counter had cause to complain.

Every inch of it was covered with everything you would ever need to create spells, along with those already made for customers to buy.

There were shelves full of jars, pots, and every shape of glassware containing Gods only knew what.

Baskets full of bare sticks, feathers, horns, and was that a whole dried demon foot?

Dried flowers hung in bunches near the bay window that was also displaying an array of items for sale.

Semi-precious stones, as large as my fist, along with three-foot shards of what looked like volcanic rock.

A cabinet that reached from floor to ceiling was filled with small, tiny draws.

Too many to count, in fact, and each held an alchemist symbol painted on the wooden handle.

In front of this was obviously a workspace and where most of the ‘tame’ spells were likely cast, as it no doubt held all the items needed for making potions. For the most part, the shop looked organized, if it wasn’t for the random books that seemed to be stuffed into any place available.

As for the person I gathered we were looking for, she had her back to us, holding open one side of a curtain of small bones that looked to have been painted gold.

She also had a riot of wavy hair that started off as navy blue near the root before fading to stark white at the ends.

Some pieces of her loose hair were plaited and decorated with silver thread and brass cuffs.

“Hello, Nero,” Lucius said, making her tense before turning around to face us. Navy-blue eyes that matched the top of her hair widened at the sight of us, until they homed in on the shortest member of our group as she jumped out from behind her Vampire and shouted,

“Surprise!”

The witch called Nero jerked back in shock before running around the counter and meeting Amelia halfway to hug her.

“They grew close whilst she was here,” Lucius told me, grinning at his wife’s joy as both women conversed in an animated way.

“I can see that,” I commented as the two looked quickly absorbed in chatting.

Nero’s peach toned lips moved at what looked like a million miles an hour, and Amelia kept pushing up her glasses as her excitement was making them slip down her nose.

The unusual white line down from Nero’s chin was painted with symbols down the center, and when I didn’t see the paint crack with her words, I realized it was a tattoo.

As for the way she was dressed, her slim figure was wrapped up with a grayish-blue cropped top, that looked as if this look had been achieved from a single, long strip of wide, silken material.

Her wide harem-style pants were tight and low on her toned belly, with floaty material in deep-blue hanging from her waist. This before being gathered tight and tucked into laced brown boots.

Multiple belts also hung low to the side of her hips, with little leather satchels and small bottles in net carriers attached to the straps.

“Not that I am not pleased to see my bestie from the topside, but gotta ask, whatcha doing here and who’s Mr. tall, dark, and smoldering over here?” Nero asked, folding her arms and making the white bone bangles on her wrists jingle.

“I’m Jared,” I said, introducing myself, and had I not been totally in love and obsessed with my Chosen One and therefore sworn off women, I would have probably expressed my interest in the pretty witch.

“Cerberus,” Lucius added, making her eyes go wide as she shook my hand, one she pulled back a little quicker after Lucius’s helpful aid on to my introduction. One I nearly rolled my eyes at.

“We need your help, Nero,” Amelia told her, making her reply,

“I guessed as much, what d’ya need?”

“I need the most powerful sleeping spell you have, something that will work instantly,” I told her, making her look thoughtful a moment, and if she had been surprised at all by my request then she didn’t show it.

No, instead she held up a single finger, one painted with white and blue symbols like her chin, before shouting suddenly,

“Dainty, get your cute butt out here!”

All eyes shot to the curtain doorway, widening the second ‘Dainty’ ducked his head and walked out.

And well, if the place felt small before, now it felt fucking tiny!

Because Dainty was what we soon discovered to be a clearly ironic nickname.

The Demon was fucking huge. So tall, in fact, that we all looked up in what most likely was a comical way the closer he came toward us.

Amelia even made a choking sound in the back of her throat, at the same time backing up a step closer to her Vampire as if on instinct.

As for his features, a pair of ram’s horns started from his forehead, taking up most of the space seeing as they were as thick as my biceps.

Horns that curled either side of his head with the blunt tips eye-level.

And speaking of eyes, his were an unusual glowing-lime color, with thin slits at the center like that of a snake.

Violet patches like birthmarks marred his pale grey skin, covering his eyes like a mask.

Long black hair hung down either side of his horns with a thin goatee hanging down his chin all the way to his chest. And with a permanent scowl on his face, thanks to the wrinkled bridge of his nose and a pair of thick narrowed brows, he looked about as happy as a Goth at Disneyland.

Now as for his body, holy fuck, the guy looked made from granite, with purple streams snaking across his muscular frame.

I mean, this dude would make my brother look small…

and as for that Viking bastard I knew, then Sigurd would also be looking up at him.

The tops of his horns barely even fit under the ceiling, making him at least eight-foot high.

But the strangest thing about him had nothing to do with his features.

No, it was that he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, of all fucking things!

A shirt that had a gothic print, mixing red hibiscus flowers, with skulls entwined with thorny vines.

This was rolled at the sleeves that looked stretched to the cotton thread count’s limit, and was worn unbuttoned for the same reason.

Cut-off denim jeans that were frayed at knees, and a pair of flip flops showcasing his jagged yellow toenails, completed this strange look.

One that now had me wondering if I had missed Hell’s vacation memo.

Was there some kind of new holiday destination in Hell that I had never heard of before, or had Nero picked his outfit for him?

“Dainty, meet my friends.”

He silently nodded his horned head at us before she asked,

“Do me a solid and check to see if we got any more Hellebores and Shadow Veil Valerian, would yah?”

He grunted before disappearing out the back.

“Gods, Nero, where the Hell did you find him…? And yes, pun definitely intended, and tenfold at that,” Amelia asked, making Nero smirk.

“Would you believe me if I told you he just walked in one day and handed me his resume?” Nero said, making her choke back a laugh in response.

“For what? As the guy who deals with customer service?” Amelia joked, making me mutter,

“I sure as hell wouldn’t complain.”

Lucius scoffed a laugh.

“And he is dressed like a cruise ship rep why?” Amelia said, making Lucius frown down at her and mutter dryly,

“You would know.” A bitter comment I knew referred to when his sneaky little Chosen One outsmarted him, evading him when he was hunting her after she temporarily went AWOL. The look she gave him in return said it all, despite her words that followed when she rolled her eyes and said,

“Let it go, Vampy.”

“Well, I thought it would help in making him less intimidating, although I have to say, his presence definitely helps with my less desirable clientele who are stupid enough to think pissing off a witch is a good idea,” Nero answered.

“Yeah, but why do you call him Dainty?” Amelia asked, after first having to clear her voice.

Nero winked. “You’ll see… any luck Dainty?!” Nero shouted, and what returned her call was the sweetest, and yes, most dainty voice I had ever heard. One that would even put Pip to shame.

And had I not already witnessed the great, massive behemoth, I would have sworn the sound was made by a bloody fairy or pixie! Amelia looked as if she would soon choke as she held in what I could tell was the verge of a laughing fit. As for Lucius and I, we both looked just as shocked.

“We got the Shadow Veil Valerian, but not the Hellebores.” Dainty’s reply made Nero sigh before she looked to me and said,

“Ah well, lucky for us we have something better. However, the tricky part will be the bleeding black hearts, everything else I have here in the shop.”

“Can you acquire more of them?” Lucius asked, making Nero wince slightly.

“Not unless you can wait about twenty-two moon circles,” she replied, making my jaw tense.

“Why, where is it grown?” Amelia asked now she had composed herself.

“Well, the good news is that it’s not too far from here, and in this realm.”

“And the bad news?” I asked.

“It’s too difficult to get to quickly, and before you ask, no, there are no portals near it, nor can they be created as there is a particularly angry sorcerer that lives on the top of the mountain where they grow,” Nero informed us in a hopeless tone.

“And he prevents the portals?” Lucius guessed, making Nero shrug her shoulders and say,

“Well, he wouldn’t be a very good businessman if he didn’t, not if people could just climb a mountain and steal his shit. Which means he has wards in place acting like a wall. These wards also prevent portals and other magical means of getting inside.”

“Jeez, and he’s a farmer?” Amelia griped.

“Well, some of this shit sells for more than gold does, so again, I am not surprised, and as for his own dark spells, I dread to think how much he sells them for,” Nero admitted.

“And is there any reason we can’t just contact him and buy it direct?” Lucius asked before I could.

“Because the creepy dude only comes out once every twenty-two days, that’s why.

And only a select few are trusted to buy off him before then distributing his goods onto people like me.

I don’t even know his real name, only that he goes by the nickname Hemlock, for obvious reasons,” Nero told us, making me growl low at the next fucking roadblock we faced.

“And what about other suppliers?” Lucius asked, giving me hope that was shattered the moment she shook her head.

“There is no one else, not with the type of rare ingredients he grows. Hence why I sell out of this shit so fast,” Nero said in a deflated tone.

“So, are you telling us there is no way inside his farm?” Amelia asked.

Nero opened her mouth, no doubt on the cusp of telling us that there wasn’t a way, when suddenly she snapped her mouth shut.

Holding up her hand, she silently told us to give her a minute.

Then suddenly she went into a flurry of activity and ran to her shelves, rummaging through them like a crazed witch on a mission.

“Damn, but where is it… nope, not with herbology for beginners… fuck a Gorgon but why is that here…? Sumerian castings… cryptic witch by Mother Shipton… Witch shop owners guide to a life of poverty… ha, not fucking wrong there… fuck, come on, where are you, damn it!”

“Er, Nero?” Amelia called her name as her friend muttered her way through the names of the books she was yanking off the self and tossing behind her.

However, Amelia’s concern went by unheard as Nero simply moved toward another shelf before creating her next pile on the floor.

“How to transform men into pigs by Circe… Oh, I have been looking for this one… but wait, what is Jason and the Assonauts by Medea doing here… hmm, Hanging onto hope in Salem by Margaret Jones, nope, not that one either… damn it, I know you’re here somewhere…

Voodoo for beginners by Marie Laveau… oh, and hell no, Baba Yaga can keep her chicken legs… ”

“Nero!” Amelia shouted, finally breaking through just as Nero shouted,

“Gotcha! Here it is, right between ‘Telling an unfortunate fortune and getting paid for it by La Voisin’, and ‘Eating your auntie is wrong by Stephen Arnott’. I knew it was somewhere here.” She came back to us with a piece of tattered parchment in hand.

One that looked so old I swear it was one sneeze away from disintegrating in her hand.

“What is it?” Lucius asked.

“It’s a list,” Nero said as if we should already know.

I glanced at it but that was pointless as I didn’t have a hope in reading whatever strange language it was written in.

“Okay, gotta give us a bit more than that, honey,” Amelia added before my blunt self said it differently.

“Right… so this is a list, a very rare list I obtained by… well let’s just say by questionable means… anyway, back to why… so this is a list of rare items that Hemlock would be willing to trade for,” Nero told us, her beautiful navy-blue eyes wide with mischief.

“Trade for?” Amelia repeated, giving Nero cause to say more.

“Anything, apparently, and what’s better, it doesn’t have a time restriction on it as he would no doubt give his left hairy bollock for anything on this list.”

“I feel like there is a big but coming up,” Amelia pointed out, and again before I could say something similar.

“And you would be right, as most of this shit is harder to get than what we actually need,” she replied, making me sigh in my growing frustration. She glanced warily at me as, clearly, my name got around in Hell.

“Please tell me there is a point to this, Nero,” Lucius interjected, and for him she grinned before tapping her tattooed finger at one item on the list in particular.

“That there is my friend’s, however, it just comes with a catch… or should I say three of them.”

Lucius and Amelia both looked at each other before their reactions became the mirror opposite. Because as she smiled, he started shaking his head, before groaning,

“No... oh no, my Khuba.”

Amelia’s grin got bigger before replying, “Oh yes, Vampy.”

To which Lucius’s response was to curse under his breath…

“Fucking McBain Brothers.”