Page 7 of The Heart Of A Real Woman: Marilyn & Moses

The Past.

Moses

“What you wanna eat, Shorty?” I glanced at Mary as I drove down a back street.

“Burger World.”

“Cool,” I nodded, thankful I had been grindin’ all morning. I had just enough to cover the food.

“But before we get there… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

I turned the radio down, giving her my full attention. “Sup, beautiful?”

She tucked a loose curly strand behind her ear, chewing on the corner of her lip. I knew then she was nervous, which made me uneasy too, wondering what the fuck she was about to say.

“I wanted to know when we're gonna make this official? I mean… I really like you, and I am trying to figure out where we truly stand.”

Caught off guard, I ran my hand down my face, trying to figure out how to answer that. Shit was complicated. Honestly, I wanted to make her my girl, but I had not yet for personal reasons.

Mary and I had been kicking it for almost two months.

The first time I laid eyes on her was at Pokey’s crib.

His girl, Katrina, was Mary’s cousin. One day, I was chilling with him when the girls rolled through after school, but I wasn’t trying to make a good impression.

I remember when Mary walked in; I barely gave her a head nod as I focused on the game.

Truthfully, I had way more important shit on my mind that day than trying to holler at a female.

Later that night, though, after Pokey and Katrina went upstairs to do their thing, Mary boldly turned off the game on my ass.

Shocked and frustrated, my first thought was to cuss her out.

But the moment I really looked at her, all that shit went out the window.

I found myself analyzing every detail about her.

Loved her pretty brown complexion and how her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, with baby hairs framing her forehead.

Where I was from, females didn’t often wear their real hair.

Even in the long school uniform skirt she rocked, I could see her shape.

I loved that shit too. She was thick in all the right places.

We talked all night, and one of the things I learned about her was that she had just turned eighteen and was a senior at a private high school.

The complete opposite of me. I had dropped out long ago.

Before she left Pokey’s crib, I asked for her number. We eventually went on a date, and from there, it was up. Every moment we spent together pulled me in deeper. However, here we were, months later, and I was still hesitant to take things to the next level with her.

“A nigga feelin’ you too, but I don’t think we ready for a title.” I said, and the disappointment that washed over her face crushed me.

That’s when I realized my feelings for her ran deeper than I thought.

Hurting her hurt me. I could see her insecurities bubbling up as she ran a fingertip along her jaw.

Another breakout. Like clockwork, her skin always flared the week before her period, whenever it decided to come.

She’d told me she had PCOS, and it sometimes fucked with her self-esteem.

But that shit didn’t matter to me. To me, she was perfect, even with the occasional acne.

Any nigga would be lucky to have her. This was on me, not her.

“Why not? We do everything together, basically act like a couple already. You told me before that I’m the only girl you’re dealing with. So why don’t you want the title?”

I got quiet on her, hoping she’d just let the shit go.

“Or maybe you’re lying to me, and you only want to keep it casual because you still fuck with your baby mama.”

She went from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, twirling her neck and shit.

Over these past few months of getting to know her, I noticed she was the sweetest girl in the world until you pushed a button.

Then she became just as crazy as I could get.

Shit turned me on because you wouldn’t expect that from her.

Mary wasn’t raised in the hood like her cousin.

Her people had made a way, moving her to the suburbs when she was just two years old.

I let out a deep breath. “Nah, I ain’t never lied to you about nothin’. You the only girl I mess with. Like I told you before, my baby mama was a mistake. I was never in a relationship with Shorty.”

“Well, what is it then? Is it because I’m different from the other girls you’ve dated? Because I’d rather read books and comics than go to stupid kickbacks on the weekend? Is it ‘cause I wear my skirt past my knees instead of up my ass? Is it my acne? Am I not good enough for you, Moses?”

“Hell naw. I love all that about you. And your acne don’t faze me. You so fuckin’ pretty, that shit doesn’t even matter.” I answered without hesitation, my brows pulling together at her thought process. She had it all wrong. I wasn’t good enough for her.

“You perfect to me, Mary.”

“Then what is the problem? And while we’re at it, why do you keep certain aspects of your life so guarded?

Where do you stay? What school do you go to?

I’ve asked countless times, and you’ve never truly given me a real answer.

Yet you know everything about me. I’m starting to feel like you’re playing with me and I’m wasting my time with you. ”

I could see her frustration building with every word she spoke, and she was right.

I was sending her mixed signals. We spent time together, texted like crazy, and sometimes even fell asleep while talking on the phone.

But still, I had this wall up. I was embarrassed about what my life looked like, and I was scared that if I let her all the way in, I’d lose my mind if things didn’t work out.

As much as I liked her, deep down, I didn’t think we had a true shot.

Shorty and I came from two different worlds.

And I came with baggage…baggage that I didn’t want to put on her.

She had a lot of things going for herself.

“I don’t wanna argue with you. This shit's stupid.”

“It’s not an argument. It’s me trying to make things clear.”

At that point, I shut down on her completely, growing quiet.

“You know what… You got it. Just take me back to Katrina’s.” She smacked her lips as she sat back in the seat and folded her arms.

“I thought you wanted to chill at the park after we eat.”

She had spent the night at her cousin’s place just so she could sneak and be with me. There was no way I could get her from her crib. Her parents were strict as fuck. Katrina’s single mother was always working, so there was more freedom over there.

“No, that’s okay. I changed my mind.”

I pulled at my chin hair in frustration, trying to figure out what to say. “At least let me take you to get food first, Mary.”

“No. And whatever it is that we have going on is over with.” She shot back, so fucking stubborn. I’d learned that about her too, over time.

“Why you doing this? We were good.”

She didn’t respond, and the rest of the drive was quiet as fuck, especially when she drifted off to sleep. In the stillness, I felt aggravated. Not with her, but with myself. Eventually, I said fuck it and busted a U-turn, but it wasn’t to take her to her cousin’s.

Mary didn’t wake up until the car came to a complete stop thirty minutes later. Rubbing her eyes, she asked, “Where are we?” Her gaze darted around, taking in her surroundings. “Moses, why would you bring me to a motel?”

I removed the keys from the ignition and met her gaze. “I wanna talk to you about some shit.”

“I don’t want to talk. I want to go to my cousin’s house.”

“Shorty, get out of the car.”

“I’m not sleeping with you, Moses.”

I turned to her, my brows furrowing.

“What type of goofy ass nigga you take me for? Whenever we agree that you gonna open your legs for me, I’ma make the day special, knowing it’s your first time. Give me more credit than that. I might be guarded, but I treat you with respect, Mary.”

She turned her gaze away, processing what I’d just said. I didn’t give her a chance to sit with her thoughts too long.

“Get your purse and come on.” I hopped out of the driver’s seat and stood in front of the car, waiting for her.

She smacked her lips but got out too. As soon as she reached me, I grabbed her hand and led her to the rundown suite.

Once inside, she stayed by the door, looking around. I could see the confusion and disgust all over her face.

“You wanna know why I never told you where I live, Mary?”

Ignoring me, she continued to survey the room.

I followed her gaze and watched it land on the T-shirts and basketball shorts scattered about before finding a couple of pairs of my shoes on the stained carpet.

As smart as she was, I knew it was all clicking to her—if it hadn’t already.

I often wore the same shit, but I made sure to keep my things clean as best as I could, so it wasn’t so bad.

“Mary?” I called out, trying to draw her attention. “Look at me, baby.”

“Yes?” she replied, finally pulling her eyes from my sneakers.

“Did you hear my question?”

“I did,”

Silence filled the room as we stared at one another. Her eyes remained locked on me, but I could tell she was still weighing the situation in her head.

“I never told you where I stayed because the shit’s embarrassing. This is where I live. A fucking motel.”

“W...what?” she stammered.

I nodded. “I’ve been staying here for a lil minute.

I used to sleep in my car and sometimes at Pokey’s when his parents worked late.

When you saw me at his spot that day, I was worried about where I would go.

I had just left home and was assed out. On top of that, my son needed diapers and formula.

That’s why I wasn’t tryna get to know you at first. I had a lot going on. My head wasn’t all the way there.”