Page 82 of The Girlfriend Agreement (Conwick U #1)

Fresh tears creep in at the edges of my vision as he leans in a little more, just enough to say in a voice only loud enough for me to hear, “But if you do need or want to talk, or you just want to cry on someone’s shoulder or scream into their shirt, or if you want to do nothing at all but sit here in silence and eat your weight in waiting room M&Ms, I’m here.

I’ll be whatever you need—that ear, that shoulder, that shirt, or the guy who gets you as many dollar bills as you need to empty that vending machine over there.

” He jerks his chin toward the vending machine in question, and I choke out a wet laugh before meeting his gaze again.

When I do, he says the very words I need to hear.

Words that make me feel like my heart might explode.

“I’m here ,” he promises. “And I’m not going anywhere. ”

My bottom lip wobbles.

You can’t say things like that to me, I nearly let slip. Because when he does, it makes me want to do something really stupid like fall in love with him.

Assuming I haven’t already.

That thought clicks into place like a missing link, and I emit a strangled, mewling sound that has Damian lifting his brow in concern.

Letting out a hysterical laugh, I say (partly because it’s true, and partly because I want to distract him from the realization I just came to that is probably written all over my face), “I could actually go for some M&Ms right now.”

Damian snorts out a laugh of his own before releasing my hand. “Then it looks like I better hunt down an ATM.” With a tentative smile, he lifts his fingers to my face and brushes his bruised knuckles along the curve of my jaw, sending a shiver racing through me. “I’ll be back in a jiff.”

When he steps out of my direct line of sight, I’m not surprised to find Ronnie a few feet behind where he just stood, looking at me with a sheepish expression. She waits until Damian has left the room before shuffling toward me.

“Are you mad I asked him to come here?” she asks, clamping her hands in front of her waist in a completely out-of-character display of nerves.

I shrug. “That depends. Did you text him just so he could come pay the bill?” There’s an acidity to my tone I don’t fully intend, mainly because I don’t really think she’d do that. I wholly believe Ronnie would sooner cover the debt herself than breach my trust that way.

And yet…she still told him about my mom. I need to know why.

She gives me a steady look, though that nervous energy is still there.

“I texted him because, despite my reservations about what’s been going on between you two, I can see that Damian cares.

And honestly? I thought having him here might help.

And not just on the money side of things,” she clarifies when my lips purse.

At my sharp exhalation, she reaches out and takes hold of my hands.

“You’re carrying a lot, Lex. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing it alone. ”

“But I have you,” I retort. “I have Andie. I’m clearly not alone.”

“I know,” Ronnie says. “But I also know he can offer something we can’t, and I think, maybe right now, you need that.”

I gape at her. Is this really the same woman who has called Damian every insult under the sun and spent the last three months trying to discourage me from fake dating him?

I shake my head, bemused. “In that case”—I heave a sigh—“no, I’m not mad. Honestly, I should’ve told him about all this sooner.”

“Why didn’t you?”

I part my lips to answer, but…can’t. It’s as if voicing the words—pulling them out of mere thought and turning them into a form that others can hear—will make them real, and that terrifies me.

“You can’t even bring yourself to say it, can you?” she challenges.

I bristle. “Say what?”

The look Ronnie gives me lacks the judgmental edge I expect. Instead, it’s surprisingly sympathetic. “That you have feelings for him.”

I huff an incredulous laugh. “I don’t. We’re just…friends.”

There’s that bullshit excuse again, I muse, mentally calling myself out. That’s twice in two days. Well done, me.

My face scrunches into a frown. How can I admit my feelings to Ronnie if I’m not ready or able to admit them to myself?

It’s not that I’m blind to them, I just…

fear them. And the possible rejection that might coincide with them if he doesn’t feel the same way.

Damian might like having sex with me, but that doesn’t mean he likes me romantically.

There’s a definite distinction. Trouble is, for me, those two things have now become intertwined.

But instead of saying any of that, I do the mature thing and double down. “It’s all fake, you know that.”

She scoffs. “Yeah, and Timothée Chalamet is my secret fiancé, and we’re eloping to Mars next week.

It’s okay to admit it, Lex. If you’re worried how he’ll react, you might be surprised.

” She winks at me, and I once again just stare at her, completely flabbergasted by her abrupt Damian-related one-eighty.

“I don’t get it. I thought you hated him.”

She shrugs. “I did. But opinions can change, can’t they?

Yours did.” I’m starting to wonder if she grasps the full extent of just how much my opinion of him has changed even more than I have.

“Don’t get me wrong, I still think he’s an ass for the bet, but he’s clearly not the same guy he was last spring.

And as appalled as my past self would be to hear this, I think he might be good for you.

He’s pulled you out of your comfort zone, and what’s more, you’ve let him.

And with way less convincing than you usually need, I might add.

How many people can you say that about that aren’t related to you or aren’t me and Andie?

That’s huge, Lex. He’s changed, but so have you, and I think you know why. ”

I balk at that. First, my mom and Gina, and now Ronnie? I want to wonder what they’re all seeing that I don’t…but the thing is, I see it, too. I’m just afraid it’s a lie, like so much in my life has been. That what I’m seeing isn’t real.

As if reading my thoughts, Ronnie squeezes my hands again and says, “I know you’re scared, but I don’t think you have to be.

Not everyone will leave you, Lex. I haven’t.

Andie hasn’t. And I know you’re afraid your mom will, but if she does, it certainly won’t be by choice, and it won’t be today.

We all love you. It’s okay to let someone else in so they can love you, too. ”

I consider that for a moment, then ask, “If I did…you wouldn’t judge me? Considering everything that’s happened between me and him?”

She surprises me again by shaking her head.

“While I might sometimes question your life choices”—she leans into my space and gives me a playful nudge to my shoulder—“I am also grown up enough to admit that if our places were reversed and I had a second chance with Jay…” She falters as if lost in the memory, then gives me a rueful smile.

“Well, I’m not sure I’d have the strength to reject it.

This is your second chance, Lex. Don’t let it slip away just because you’re scared. ”

The words lodge in my throat. It’s not that I don’t know what to say, but that once I say it aloud, there’s no turning back or denying it any longer.

I take a breath. Then another. Ronnie watches me, waiting, her patience stretching out the hush between us until it’s unbearable. Until the truth I’ve been choking on has nowhere left to hide.

“I like Damian,” I finally admit. “So much that I think I might actually love him. And you’re right. That scares the shit out of me.”

The second the confession leaves my lips, I feel it—something shifting. Settling. A truth I’ve been running from at long last catching up to me.

I glance at Ronnie, expecting some kind of “I told you so,” but all she does is squeeze my hand again, a quiet acknowledgment that she already knew.

And now…so do I.