Page 56 of The Girlfriend Agreement (Conwick U #1)

“You think I didn’t?” she fires back, her voice a menacing growl.

“I tried . Twice. She refused me both times. Said she couldn’t deal with the imbalance accepting that kind of money would bring to our friendship.

Which is insane because I would never hold it against her, and my dads are awesome and would’ve paid all the costs, no questions asked. ”

I can easily see the pain behind Ronnie’s eyes—the hurt she feels, visible only to those who know what to look for. Because her friend won’t accept her help. Because there’s nothing she can do to improve the situation that doesn’t involve her money.

That’s another feeling I’m intimately familiar with. That powerlessness.

It haunts me every fucking day.

“I…” The lump in my throat is so thick it’s hard to swallow. “I had no idea…”

Ronnie crosses her arms in a huff. “Yeah, well, it seems like you aren’t aware of a lot considering she’s supposed to be your ‘girlfriend.’ Seriously, how well do you even know her?”

That’s a great fucking question, Red. Clearly, not well at all.

I look back out at the living-room-space-turned-dance-floor where Blondie takes a swig from one of her two drinks and laughs at a silent joke no one else can hear.

I flail a limp hand in her direction. “I know she’s on scholarship and that she’s apparently a math prodigy, so she’s smart or whatever.

And I know first-hand that she can be mean.

Like, really mean. Though, maybe not as mean as you.

Oh, and she likes nerdy T-shirts and…pie?

Wait, no. Pi,” I correct, then frown, realizing that in no way clarified the difference.

Before I can amend my response, Ronnie snorts out a humorless laugh. “She’s not just smart, dumbass. She’s a genius. Literally . Like, smarter-than-Einstein smart.”

“Okay. She’s really smart. I get it.”

“No, you really don’t,” Ronnie counters. “Do you think being intellectually gifted makes her life easier? Because newsflash: it doesn’t. In a lot of ways, it’s made her life harder.”

Harder? I want to scream. Harder than having a family member with cancer?

But I don’t say that. I can’t.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I press.

Ronnie’s face scrunches into a grimace as if she’s searching for the right words to explain.

“It means…Lexi sees the world in ways that you and I can’t even begin to imagine.

To her, numbers aren’t just numbers—they’re shapes, colors, patterns.

Things she can physically see just like I see you standing in front of me now.

And I’m not talking figuratively, like imagining something.

I mean literally . On top of the many other ways her brilliant mind operates, Lexi has number-form synesthesia, so even if she hated math, she would never be able to escape it.

It’s as much a part of her as breathing.

So, while, yes, she’s really smart,” she continues, mimicking the voice I made before when I said these very same words, “there’s far more to it than that.

The synesthesia is just one aspect of how her brain works—of how she experiences the world and everything in it in a way that isn’t considered ‘typical’ by society’s standards.

Equations that normal people would need a calculator to solve, she can work out in her head like that ”—she raises one hand and snaps her fingers—“but she couldn’t tell you why someone’s mad at her or what they’re feeling unless they spell it out for her.

Sometimes, she’s blunt, or she’ll fixate on stuff most of us wouldn’t notice.

You think she’s mean?” She snorts again, the sound condescending.

“She’s not. She just doesn’t sugarcoat things, which, frankly, is what I love most about her.

But she doesn’t always realize how her words or actions can come across.

Because of that, Lexi had to learn how to adapt, to weigh every action and word.

Of course, that doesn’t mean she always gets it right…

or that she always bothers. It depends on the situation and who’s involved.

When she feels the need to, though, she’s good at masking—mirroring what people expect of her and becoming that person to help her fit in. ”

Ronnie must see the question in my eyes because she says, “Didn’t you wonder how, for someone who is so bad at lying, she’s weirdly convincing as your fake girlfriend?

That’s her masking. It’s what makes her seem like she’s got her shit together when, in reality, she doesn’t.

Far from it. Behind that mask, she’s always on edge, like she’s walking a tightrope, always one misstep from slipping.

Always questioning everything because she doesn’t comprehend situations or interactions the same way we do.

It’s why she’s not so great with change.

She can adjust if she has to, and she’s open to some stuff so long as the push to get there is gentle, but she gets overstimulated and anxious easily, so it takes her time.

“Because of that, her childhood was kind of hard. The way she is, it made her…a lot at times. Especially for her dad. Lexi was this brilliant, quirky kid who saw math everywhere she looked, who understood things those around her didn’t, but who sometimes needed a little extra patience as she tried to process the world, and he just…

bailed. He left her mom to handle everything on her own. ”

Why are you telling me all this? I’m tempted to say, but I can’t find the words. Or maybe I’m just so desperate to hear more about Blondie that I can’t bring myself to make Ronnie stop.

“Wait, he left because she was smart ?” I ask, overwhelmed and completely taken aback by this unexpected onslaught of information.

This is definitely way more than Blondie and I ever agreed to share with each other regarding our personal lives, and I’m not sure if she’d be pissed her friend is telling me this, or simply grateful that she didn’t have to do it herself.

“ No ,” Ronnie counters, her tone defensive, “he left because he was an asshole who couldn’t handle raising a kid who was ‘different.’ And Lexi picked up on that.

It’s why she is the way she is. Why she alternates between pulling away one minute and overcompensating the next, like she’s got to prove she’s worth sticking around for.

And why she takes it so hard when she’s let down.

Since her dad walked out, she learned to deal with most things on her own because she grew up with this constant, nagging feeling that she was ‘too much’ for the people who were supposed to love her. ”

I shake my head in disbelief. “I haven’t met her mom, but I met her aunt, and I didn’t get the impression she’s the kind of person who would ever treat Lexi that way.”

Ronnie scoffs. “Of course not. Gina and Carol are saints. Gina stepped up when Lexi’s dad walked out, and together, they raised Lexi and did everything they could to make her feel normal…

even when she wasn’t. Not in a bad way, but you know what I’m saying.

Neither of them ever once made Lexi feel like she had to change who she was.

But that doesn’t mean other people treat her the same way.

She’s spent years trying to balance being herself with being what everyone else thinks she should be.

Can you imagine how exhausting that is? It’s why she doesn’t have a lot of friends.

Because she’s been burned so many times that finding people who would understand and put up with her eccentricities stopped being worth the hassle. ”

“And yet, she found you,” I point out. “And Andie.”

“Yes, well”—Ronnie waves a dismissive hand—“I have a sixth sense about people. I took one look at Lexi and knew she was my soulmate. And Andie’s a weirdo in her own right. The two of them are like two nerdy peas in a pod.”

I consider everything Ronnie’s just told me, trying to formulate my thoughts into words.

“Is that…the stuff with her mom, I mean…why she’s at Conwick instead of some Ivy League college? If she’s as smart as you say—if she really is some kind of math prodigy—then surely, she could’ve gone to any school she wanted.”

Ronnie nods, her face crumpling a little.

“Lexi got full-ride offers to every Ivy League and elite research university you can name. MIT practically begged her to go there. Before her mom got sick, her future was set. She was going to attend her dream school, and her high school boyfriend got into Harvard, so they were going to move to Boston together.”

Boyfriend? That thought sends an unexpected rush of jealousy racing through me. I should probably examine why more closely, but my attention is diverted when Ronnie continues.

“But then senior year hit, and halfway through the spring semester, her mom got diagnosed. The admission deadlines had already passed, but Conwick made an exception for Lexi, and without hesitation, she gave up her dream college to stay in Newport and be here for Carol through her chemo. If it was just losing out on MIT, I think it would’ve been less of a blow, but her prick boyfriend dumped her the second she told him she wasn’t going to Boston. ”

That flash of jealousy returns, but it’s angry this time. Vengeful. I quickly tamp it down, hooked onto Ronnie’s every word with bated breath.

“The last year and a half has royally sucked for her. And all the while, she keeps up this act like she’s fine. But she’s not. Not really. She’s still giving everything she has, trying to save her mom and hold it all together, and meanwhile, you’re over here thinking this is about cosplay.”

I recoil at the venom in her voice. Well, that certainly took a turn.

“I didn’t know! If I had…” I trail off. If I had…what?

What the fuck would I have done?