Page 10
9
SOMEONE’S DREAM
Amanda
Jamie has continued to do what I asked. Only he’s not just showing me how he feels, he’s showing up.
In the two weeks since our ice cream reconciliation, he’s come to both of my Wednesday volleyball rec games. We hung out at a bonfire at Joel’s. We’ve also texted every day. Half the time they’re not about anything at all, but he texts me when he thinks of me, and I’ve started doing the same when I think of him. It’s sweet. It’s just freaking sweet. And I’ve never had that before. Not someone trying to hook up or get in my pants. Not someone who wants me only when it’s convenient for them. Someone who cares, who wants to know me, who wants to build something.
Every time I start to internally question things, he keeps showing me that. He met me at Bewitched for coffee and let me talk his ear off about books. But I also learned that he likes sci-fi books, and I’m on a mission to find a good one that blends sci-fi and romance, so maybe we could read it together.
Because as much as I need him to prove he’s serious and rebuild some of the trust between us, I don’t want that to be one-sided. Putting even a little bit of my heart out there is still hard for me, but I have feelings for him, and if he feels the same way for me, I owe it to myself not to say no just because I’m afraid of getting hurt again. As much as some part of me wants to stay angry, I believe Jamie didn’t intend to hurt me, and while intentions only mean so much, they do mean something. So I’m giving him this chance—and giving myself a chance too.
Which is why I’m sitting here now, embracing one of the biggest pieces of him. Not only have I gone to see a few of his baseball camp scrimmages, here I am at the Binghamton Knights’ stadium watching a game with him.
When he texted me earlier today and asked if I wanted to come with him, I was hesitant for a second, but I want to get to know him better, and seeing him play and watching him watch a game are two different vibes.
“Want anything to eat?” he asks.
“A hot dog?”
“Coming up.”
He signals to one of the people walking around selling food and orders a hot dog for me and nachos for him.
He groans happily as he takes a bite of his nachos, and I can’t stop my laugh.
“Good?”
“Mhm. You know how you said you… love spicy crab sushi? That’s how I feel about nachos.”
“You’d do dirty things for them?”
“One hundred percent. Of course, it’s better if they’re loaded nachos. Like melted cheese, taco meat or maybe some chicken, guac, salsa, or maybe some pico de gallo, sour cream, and then top it all off with cheese sauce.”
“Sounds deadly.”
“Oh, no doubt. But they’re my favorite food.”
“Good to know.”
He takes another bite and makes a throaty noise that doesn’t at all make my body flush.
I take a bite of my hot dog, then out of the corner of my eye notice that I’m not the only one who noticed Jamie’s love of nachos. Or maybe it’s just Jamie.
Jealousy flares in my stomach.
I want to grab him and yell ‘mine!’ at the top of my lungs. Except he’s not mine. Is he?
Instead, I clear my throat and lightly elbow him. “You’ve got a fan club.”
He looks up from his nachos. “Huh?”
I nod in their direction. “Those girls keep looking over at you and giggling to themselves.”
He doesn’t look. Instead, he turns his head and openly checks me out. “Funny. I didn’t notice. In fact, my eyes have only been on one person all night.”
There’s a loud crack of a bat and then cheers, and Jamie whips his head back toward the field.
“And baseball,” I tease.
He almost smiles, but then his face falls and his shoulders slump as he turns back to look at me. “Should I not have invited you here?”
I was kidding when I said that. Of course he’s going to watch the game. Initially I felt a bit prickly about baseball, but what was he supposed to do? Choose me after one kiss when he’s been working toward a career in baseball for most of his life? That’s crazy. And when I really thought about it, I wasn’t mad about him choosing baseball. I was mad he couldn’t even conceive the possibility of being with me and playing baseball, yet he kissed me, knowing that.
If anything, I recognize that if I’m going to be with him, I need to embrace how big a part of his life baseball is and will continue to be.
I rest my hand on his arm, and he tracks the movement with his eyes.
“I’m glad you invited me here. It’s fun watching you play, but it’s also cool to see how you watch a game. This is important to you, which means… it’s important to me too. ”
His gaze lifts to mine, eyes wide. “Really?”
“Yes.”
His smile is so bright it radiates around me, filling me with his warmth.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
He wraps his arm around my back, gently rubbing his thumb over my upper arm as we eat our snacks and watch the game.
The rest of the game goes fast as the Knights make quick work of the visiting team, and as we stroll out of the stadium, Jamie takes my hand. It’s so easy to lean back into this feeling. Part of me wonders if I’m letting him back in too easily, but I think a month of silence and waiting for an apology was enough distance. I’m not rushing into anything. There’s still trust to be rebuilt, but I want to rebuild it.
“So, I have a question for you,” Jamie says when we get to his car.
“What’s up?”
“Any chance you’d like to spend the day with my mom, me, and my younger siblings tomorrow? I’ve been meaning to ask you for a few days, but I keep chickening out. My dad will be out of town, so we wanted to do something fun with the kids. We’re going to have lunch and go mini golfing. If you’re interested.”
I bite back my smile. “Why were you afraid to ask me?”
“It feels like a big deal. Meeting my family.”
“I already know your mom.”
“I know, but my siblings—especially Penny—will be excited, and they have lots of energy and big personalities.”
“Jamie, do you want me to come?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
“Yeah?”
I press onto my toes and kiss his cheek. “Yes.”
He wraps his arms around me, and though it takes me a second to quiet the voices telling me not to give in, I drown them out and hug him back.
It might be a little messy, but I like the path we’re on, and I’m cautiously excited to see where it will lead.
I’m waiting in the entryway of Mixed Brews, a large coffee in hand. Mixed Brews is in the neighboring town of Lacy Creek, and it’s technically two businesses in one. On one side is a coffee shop and on the other is a brewpub. The brewpub is where I’m having lunch with Jamie and his family today, but I got here early so I could grab a coffee because… coffee.
I also snagged a copy of local author Zoey Holloway’s latest book. Before they go live in the big stores, she usually will put a few copies at local indie stores. Since she’s from Lacy Creek and knows the owner of Mixed Brews, they have a stand of her books there, and I was excited to find this one.
“Cal, wait for us,” Marissa calls as the door swings open right in my face and a little boy comes tearing through.
I quickly side step into his path. “Whoa, buddy. Slow down.”
Marissa and a young girl step through the door.
“Thank you so much.” She laughs a little when she realizes it’s me. “Hi.”
“Hi. I got here early.” I wiggle the coffee in my hand.
“Well, I’m glad.”
She looks down at Cal, who bounces in place. Seems every bit like the chaos Jamie described him as.
Speaking of Jamie… he strolls up to the door, then ducks as he walks through with a little girl—Mila, I’m assuming—on his shoulders.
“Cal, you can’t run away like—” He stops short as his eyes land on me. “Hi.”
The other little girl—Penny—looks up at Jamie then back at me. “Wait. Are you Amanda?” She turns to Jamie and whispers, “ The Amanda?”
Jamie’s cheeks instantly go pink, but he smiles and nods. “Yes. The Amanda.” But his voice says something else. Not the . My . Like he sees me as his.
As much as my brain yells at me to keep my guard up, my heart is all melty and gooey. Part of me is still wary. But with each passing day, the wall around my heart crumbles a little more.
“You have to have lunch with us!” Penny exclaims.
I squat down so I’m at her eye-level. “I am going to have lunch with you. And how would you feel about me coming mini golfing with you too? We could team up.”
She bounces up and down. “Yes, please!”
“Can we eat? I’m starving,” Cal whines.
“Only if you can walk to the table like a well-behaved child might,” Marissa says.
Cal pouts. “That’s no fun.”
Mila takes his hand. “I’m hungwy too.”
It’s adorable how Cal softens with Mila’s hand in his. It reminds me of how Pete’s demeanor changes between Josh and me.
“Ready for chaos?” Jamie’s warm breath tickles my ear as his hand lands on my back.
I glance up at him. “I’m sure I can handle it.”
We end up in a half-circle booth, Jamie on one side of me and Penny on the other, then Mila, Cal, and Marissa.
A waitress comes to get our drinks, and I order a raspberry lemonade, which means Penny and Mila do the same. They’re adorable, especially as Penny giddily asks me what I’m going to have to eat. It’s clear she’s already a fan of mine. I’ll have to ask Jamie why that is later.
“What are you having?” Jamie asks, inching closer.
“Mm. I’m thinking I’ll start with a salad, then probably have a hot honey fried chicken sandwich.”
“Sounds delicious,” Jamie rumbles in my ear .
“Let me guess, you’re getting loaded nachos?”
His eyes shimmer with trouble. “You were paying attention.”
“Yes, I was. I don’t want this to be one-sided.”
Jamie opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, Marissa says, “I’ll order a couple of appetizers for the table. Any requests?”
I look over at her, but then freeze in horror at the waitress walking toward our table. Not the same waitress who took our drink order.
Not here. Not now.
But it has to be her. The dark brown bob, long, leggy build, and dangly earrings. Maci. My ex.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I say quickly, shoving at Jamie so he’ll let me out of the booth.
“But the waitress?—”
“Can you order for me? Hot honey chicken sandwich with special fries, and a salad with Thousand Island dressing.” He looks at me in confusion, so I do my best to school my features, then say, “Please?”
“Okay.” He glances at me, then in the direction of the waitress, but lets me out.
I hurry toward the bathroom, hoping she didn’t see me. Not that it matters if she’s our waitress for the whole lunch. What am I going to do? Hide under the table every time she comes over?
In the bathroom, I splash some water on my face, chastising myself for my ridiculousness. I’m reacting to this like I’ve been triggered, and that’s completely insane. It’s not like it was an abusive relationship. I need to get over this. It’s been almost three years. We were in the same school for another two years after it happened. It shouldn’t be affecting me this much to see her now.
Fuck.
How do I play this? Ignore her? Pretend I don’t recognize her? Be sickeningly sweet, while giving her my yes-I’m-judging-you face? That’ll have to do .
One more deep breath, and I walk out of the bathroom, but as soon as I do, I’m not alone.
Jamie pushes himself off the wall he was leaning against and walks over to me, concern all over his face. “Are you okay?”
Crap. Now I feel like even more of an idiot.
“I’m… fine.”
“No offense, but you don’t seem fine.”
“It’s ah… the waitress is my ex.”
“Oh.”
“I haven’t seen her since high school ended, and it’s just… weird.”
He steps in closer, sliding his hand into mine. “Just weird? Because when you were yelling at me at the event, it sounded like she hurt you. I don’t want to push you, but I want to understand.”
I sigh and roll my eyes. “It’s hard to keep my guard up when you’re being sweet.”
“Good. Because I want you to let it down. Let me in. Let me be the one to protect your heart.”
“That’s a lot to ask,” I whisper.
“Then take it one thing at a time. I promise to keep showing you the truth of my feelings.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “I guess if you’re determined to date me, you should know my baggage.”
“It’s the only way I can help you carry it.”
I stare at him for a long beat. It’s hard to let the most vulnerable part of me out, but he’s working hard to show me I can trust him. More than that, I feel safe with him. And I’m doing my best not to let my brain overthink or undermine that.
“Okay. Maci, my ex, was my best friend from early elementary school until the beginning of eleventh grade.”
“How long were you two together?”
“Theoretically, a little over a year, but we were never official. If you ever see me giving Hyla my yes-I’m- judging-you face, that’s why. Sometimes I see similarities there that make me extra protective of Mackie.”
“Why is it I know exactly what face you mean?”
I shove his shoulder. “Stay on topic. Unless you don’t want to know the story.”
“Tell me.”
“We met in elementary school and formed a little group with two other friends. There was always a little something extra between the two of us, though. It wasn’t until the summer before tenth grade that things shifted. We were having a sleepover and joking about something, and she said she wanted to know what kissing a girl would be like. I already knew I was bi and had for a while, but hadn’t actively come out to anyone besides my family and Jace. So, I told her. She asked if I’d be willing to kiss her, and I will never forget how exciting that thought was. I’d never kissed another girl before. Only boys. So, we did. We ended up under my covers all night touching each other while we kissed. She didn’t want to tell anyone, but she wanted to do it again, so every week we had a sleepover. Every week we kissed and touched each other. Until sleepovers lasted all weekend and we were at each other’s houses after school every day.”
“Wow. I’m guessing things were complicated if you aren’t sure whether to consider it a real relationship.”
“You could say that. It was about six months in that we agreed it was a relationship, and after some talking, we agreed I could tell my parents. It made sleepovers a little more supervised, but I felt so free. We could be a couple. Except at school. Or her house. She was afraid of how her parents would act or how our friends would handle it, so she wanted to wait. It was a secret, but I was her secret and she was mine. At the end of the school year, she agreed we’d tell everyone when we went back in September. We spent all summer together. We did everything sexually speaking. And we were in love.”
I let out a bitter laugh and shake my head—at the pain that still simmers inside me because of it, or my own stupidity, I don’t know.
“ I was in love with her . That desperate, longing kind of love. I was so excited for school to start, but once it did, she got quiet and distant, then refused to speak to me. When I showed up at her house, she told me I needed to get over my feelings. The quarterback of the football team asked her out, and she was going to date him. She said everything with us was an experiment, and she didn’t want to be with a girl. I tried to call her out, but she walked away and had her mother ask me to leave and not come back. She stopped speaking to me and so did our other two friends. Nothing makes you question your worth or your sanity like someone convincing you they love you, then telling you it was all in your head.”
“Jesus. That’s fucked up.” He stares at me for a moment, then steps forward and cups my cheek. “You deserve so much better than that. And she is insane for letting you go. Clearly, she didn’t know what she had, or she never would have. You’re magic and light and kindness personified. I’m sorry she hurt you, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I swear to you, I will never take a second of you, your time, or your beautiful heart for granted.”
“Jamie.” His name is a hushed whisper as it slips from my lips.
Then gently, so gently, his lips brush over mine. A whisper of a kiss that both lights me on fire and makes me want to collapse into him. To give in and let him have me. Let him take care of me in the way I’ve craved for so long.
“Let’s go show her what she’s missing out on,” he says, breath tickling my lips as he rests his head against mine.
“What?” Something about him being so close and the tone of his voice has me feeling a little loopy.
“We’re going to go back out there. You’re going to sit up tall and let me show her what she’s missing.” He brushes some hair off my shoulder, his fingertips grazing my neck. “With every little touch, she’s going to know you’re mine, and you found someone who values you. Because I do, Amanda. I see your worth and I’m grateful you’re even bothering to talk to me. And until you unequivocally tell me no, I’m going to consider you mine. Mine to take care of. Mine to protect.” He trails his fingers over my collarbone. “Mine to adore.” He leans in, lips hovering over my neck. “Because you deserve to be adored.” Then he firmly presses his lips against my neck, and I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning.
My hands slide into his hair, not sure if I want to lift his head or keep him there.
Slowly, his lips pull from my skin, and he whispers in my ear, “I’ve got you.”
It’s impossible to argue with that, so I let him take my hand and lead me back to the table.
“Sorry about that.” I slide into the booth, and Jamie takes his spot next to me, wrapping his arm around my back.
“Is everything okay?” Marissa asks, eyes going from me to Jamie.
“Yes, I…”
“The waitress is Amanda’s ex, and she didn’t treat Amanda well,” Jamie says in a low voice to his mom.
“Oh. Would you like me to see if I can get a different waitress?”
“No,” I say quickly. “It’s fine. She deserves to be able to make money at her workplace. I need to get over it.”
Marissa reaches across the table and pats my hand.
“That’s kind of you.”
I shrug, but my shoulders instantly drop as Jamie slides closer. I glance toward the bar and see Maci walking toward us with our appetizers.
“Just so we’re clear,” Jamie murmurs in my ear, “everything I’m about to do are just some of the things I’ve been dreaming of doing with you.” A chill rolls down my spine. “But tell me if anything is too much.”
He rubs his hand down my back, then twirls some of my hair around one of his fingers as he leans in and kisses my jaw.
Now I want to leave this table for very different reasons.
It’s easy to pretend to be lost in the little touches Jamie gives me. If anything, keeping my demeanor PG in front of his siblings is harder.
I want to grab him and kiss him like a maniac.
It’s safe to say I’ve fully moved on from what happened. Even though there are moments when my brain tries to convince me he’s playing a game or will hurt me, his actions speak louder. That’s why I asked him to prove it, and he’s doing that more than I could’ve imagined.
“Okay, here are your appetize—Amanda.”
Maci almost drops one of the appetizer platters, but corrects herself in time to set it gently on the table.
Jamie leans in closer, continuing to twirl my hair around his finger as he kisses my cheek.
“Hi, Maci.”
Jamie’s hand drops from my hair and he grabs a plate. “What can I get you, babe?”
I run my hand down his arm. “A little of everything.”
I look away from Maci, and for once, I don’t feel small and weak. I’m calm and confident.
Maci doesn’t say anything else to me, she just says to let her know if we need anything, then walks away.
My shoulders soften as she goes, and I lean against Jamie. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure.” He flashes me his most charming smile, then wraps his arm around my back.
Penny stares hard at us for a moment, then breaks into a smile and claps her hands. “Yes! I’m going to have a big sister one day.”
I slowly turn to look at Jamie, whose face is unsurprisingly bright red.
“Long story,” he whispers.
“I can’t wait to hear it.”
And maybe stupidly, my heart takes off running with Penny’s words, and some small part of me hopes she’ll be right.
Today has been more fun than I imagined it would be.
The rest of lunch went smoothly, and though there was a hint of awkwardness each time Maci came to the table, I kept a relaxed smile on my face and let Jamie fawn over me. That felt good for an entirely different reason.
It’s never easy to run into an ex, and running into someone who hurt me so badly could’ve ruined my day, but Jamie eclipsed all those feelings, and instead, we created some beautiful memories today.
After lunch, we went mini golfing, and Penny and I teamed up against Cal and Jamie. And we kicked their butts. Penny had fun rubbing that in Calvin’s face, but Jamie told me next time we’ll have to team up. I was planning to head home after that, but Penny talked me into joining them for dinner and a fire.
It ended up being a really fun night, and as I stand by my car outside Jamie’s house, I feel markedly different from the last time I was here.
Jamie leans in close, pressing me against the side of my car. His gaze flits to my lips, and my heartbeat ticks up. Instead of kissing me, he dips his head and brushes his lips over my jaw, making me squirm in the best way.
All the blood in my body rushes south, and for the first time, I let myself imagine what it would be like to do a lot more than kiss him.
“Jamie.” My breathy voice surprises me, and it must pull him back to the moment too, because he leans back, standing up straight as he pants.
“Sorry. I?—”
“Don’t be.” I reach for his hand, my eyes catching on the bulge in his pants.
I hope he thinks of me if he…
Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m actually thinking that .
“Any chance you’d be willing to let me take you on a date next weekend?”
“I have a family thing… but I was wondering if you’d like to come?” My voice squeaks a little on the last word.
A soft smile appears, and he runs his fingers through my hair.
“You want me to come? What kind of thing is it?”
“There’s a block party in my neighborhood, and we usually have some fun with that earlier in the day, then have a cookout with Jace’s family in the late afternoon. It would be nice to have you there for the cookout.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
A rush of excitement whirls through me. “Good.”
He leans in again and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be thinking of you until then. And I’ll be there on Wednesday to watch you play volleyball.”
I rest my hand on his chest and look into those captivating blue eyes.
“I can’t wait.”
He reaches down and pulls on my door handle, guiding me against him for a second so he can pull the door open.
“Drive safe.”
“Thanks. Have a good night, baseball boy.”
His eyes light up at that. “You too.”
He shuts the door and watches as I back out, waving as I pull onto the road.
My heart pounds as I drive away. I’m in so much trouble—at way too much of a risk of getting my heart crushed. But I don’t care. I’m falling for him. And I’m trusting him to keep me from slamming into the ground.
Jamie
I’ve got this.
Penny gave me a pep talk before I left the house. Taking relationship advice from my seven-year-old sister might be a new low, but she’s smart and perceptive and has the candidness that only a child can.
All my introvert senses are tingling as I climb out of my car and make my way down Amanda’s driveway. I’m doing this for her, I remind myself. And that’s all it takes. I want to be here for her.
She’s waiting to say yes to a date with me. This is all part of me proving myself worthy. I’m showing up for her. Her ex didn’t put her first. Sure, her family knew, but that was because she pushed for it to happen. I want the world to know she’s mine—even if it’s not official yet.
It will be. Because I don’t give up on the things I want.
If I’m sure of two things in my life, it’s that I will make it to the majors and I’ll get Amanda to say yes to a date with me. From there, it’ll be a new battle of proving myself, but if I lay the groundwork now, that’ll make it easier.
When I step into the beautifully set up entertaining area of the backyard with trellises, vines, and natural wildflowers, everyone turns to look at me.
And there go my cheeks.
Off to a great start.
Amanda pushes out of her chair, eyes big, and when those stunning whiskey eyes meet mine, I see overwhelming joy.
That alone is worth how uncomfortable I feel right now.
“Jamie, hi.”
“Ah, is this your friend ?” a woman I’m assuming is her mother asks.
“Yep,” she squeaks. “Mom, this is Jamie.”
“Jamie Henderson,” I say, walking over and offering my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Hamilton. Thank you for having me.”
“It’s nice to meet you too. And call me Libby, please.” She looks at Amanda. “Is he your boy friend?”
“Yes,” I say at the same time Amanda says, “No. ”
A girl with dark blonde hair, who I’m assuming is Jace, snickers at that.
“You better not be stalking my sister or trying to convince her to join a cult,” a guy with auburn hair and the same sarcastic tone as Amanda says.
“Eh, as long as it’s not one of the ones with murder-suicide pacts…” A different guy, this one with light brown hair, says.
“Let me guess, you’re Josh,” I say flatly. He arches a brow and looks like he might say something snarky, but I turn back to the other guy. “And you’re Pete.”
“That’s me.”
“Oh, right,” Amanda says, stepping over to me. “Uh, that’s Jace.” She points to the girl. “That’s my dad, Bryce.” She points him both out, and then nods to the other two adults. “And those are Jace’s parents. Jace’s friend Sienna, her brother Miguel, and their dad will be here later too.”
“Cool. It’s nice to meet you all.”
There’s a chorus of agreement, but one voice cuts through it all.
“So, I’m confused. Are you dating or not?” Jace asks dramatically.
Amanda shoots her a death glare.
“Well, it’s not official. I’m still working on getting her to say yes to a date. I kind of screwed that up originally, but I have every intention of making her my girlfriend.”
“Cool. Break her heart, I break your pitching hand.” Pete smacks me on the shoulder as he walks toward the table where food is set up.
My eyes fly wide, and he grins at me over his shoulder. “Yeah. I figured out who you are, baseball boy .”
“You’re dead to me,” Amanda calls.
“Wow, and here I was expecting a sweet little family get together.”
Amanda snorts. “You picked the wrong house.”
“Not a chance.” Finally, I wrap my arms around her, and I love the way she melts into the hug and buries her face in my chest. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she whispers, looking up at me. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I press a quick kiss to her forehead. “So am I.”
I let her go, then she pulls me over to a plastic loveseat, and we sit down.
“So, Jamie, you’re a pitcher?” Amanda’s dad asks.
“Guilty.”
“Are you any good?” Josh asks.
Amanda glares at him, but I just wrap an arm around my girl.
My girl . God, I hope she will be.
I never would’ve expected that someone would completely throw me off my game—throw some of the importance of my game out the window—but Amanda did. And I’m happy to get lost falling down the rabbit hole, as long as I’m falling with her.
“He’s amazing,” Amanda says, jutting her chin out. “He’s going to play in the majors.” She says it so confidently, like it couldn’t be anything other than the truth. And while I believe in myself and I have a lot of other people who do too, her believing it means something more.
“Really?” her dad asks.
“Yeah. I mean, there’s nothing official at this point. I’ve got almost another full year until I’m eligible for the draft, but that’s what I’m working toward—and have been working toward for a long time. My coach is confident I can get there, and I am too.”
“Any idea which team you’ll play for?”
“Whoever will take me,” I say with a laugh. “But I’d love to play for the Metros if I get the chance. They were one of the main teams we all watched and rooted for growing up. It would be amazing to play for them one day.”
Amanda squeezes my hand. “Then you will.” When I turn and meet her gaze, she smiles at me, then leans in and lowers her voice. “Since you always get what you want, right?”
I slip my hand out of hers and squeeze her thigh, giving her my cockiest smile in response .
“So, how did you two meet?” Amanda’s mom asks.
“Jamie is a friend of Rae and everyone from college. We met at their Christmas party.”
“But we got to know each other when I showed up to an event my parents were hosting and she was there running it.” I rest my arm over Amanda’s shoulders, brushing my thumb over her upper arm. “I pretty much fell for her right there, watching her in action.”
Amanda’s gaze darts to me in surprise. Maybe it wasn’t overt, but the feelings took root that night. She captivated me, and she’s been on my mind ever since.
“She is incredible. We’re proud of all she’s accomplished building her own business at such a young age.”
Amanda softens, her eyes growing big. “Thanks, Mom.”
Her mom leans over from her chair and kisses Amanda on the cheek. “You know we’re proud of you.”
But something in Amanda’s eyes tells me she doesn’t inherently know that—and even if she does, she needs to hear those words and receive that praise, but she usually doesn’t.
Yet another thing I want to make sure I do for her.
She deserves to be told and shown how amazing she is, and I’ll do it like it’s my damn job.
“Want a tour of the house?” Amanda asks as we walk across the driveway, carrying some plates inside.
“And get to see where the event queen grew up? I’d love to.”
So far, Amanda’s family barbeque has been fun and low-key. I’ve gotten a little grilling, mostly at the hands of Jace and Pete with a few snarky barbs from Josh, who I admittedly don’t like. He doesn’t seem to like me either, but I don’t give a fuck. If he treats my girl badly, I won’t mince words. Her family seems nice overall, but what Amanda told me all those months ago about her parents being too burned out from her brothers to give her much attention definitely tracks. It’s clear they love and support her, but I don’t think they see her. They don’t see what she needs from them—especially not emotionally. Amanda doesn’t like to tell people what she needs. But as her family, they should know her well enough to see through that.
I can’t change how everyone else sees her, but I can show her how I see her.
We set the plates in the sink. Then Amanda takes my hand, looking adorably nervous.
“It’s this way.”
But the second we start down the hall, Pete steps in our path.
“Hey, Jamie, can I borrow you for a second?”
Amanda crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you doing?”
“I just need his help with something.”
“Find Josh.”
“We all know he’s useless.” Pete winks at her and she sighs heavily.
“It’s fine. I’m happy to help .” We both know that’s not what this is, but that’s fine. If I can survive pitching a state championship game in front of hundreds of people or getting reamed by my coach for something dumb, I can handle a few minutes of being grilled by Pete.
Amanda spins around and looks up at me. “You don’t have to.”
“I know. I’ll be fine. I’ll meet you upstairs after?”
She nods. “Second door on the left.”
“Got it.”
I give her arm a squeeze, then with a menacing look at Pete, she heads for the stairs.
He watches to make sure she’s gone, then nods toward the kitchen behind me.
“Let’s sit. ”
“Sure.” I walk back to the kitchen and take a seat at the island. He doesn’t. He stands on the other side and stares down at me.
“So… you and Amanda.”
“Yes. Working on it, at least.”
“Interesting.”
“Look, if you have concerns or questions, go ahead. Hit me with them. I’ll answer whatever you ask.”
He leans over the counter on his hands, staring at me. “Okay then. Are you the reason my sister came home in tears a couple of months ago?”
As much as I intended to stay cool through this, I have a terrible poker face, and those words catch me off guard. She was crying? I knew I hurt her, but not that badly.
“If it was the middle of May, then probably. I didn’t…” I clear my throat. “I didn’t know about the crying though.”
“Of course you didn’t. She doesn’t show people her most vulnerable side. Especially when she’s been hurt.”
She shows me. But I can see where she wouldn’t have that night.
“What I want to know,” he continues, “is what you did, and why I should trust that you won’t hurt her again.”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No. She came home, took one look at me and Josh playing video games, then went and crawled through Jace’s window.”
“Well, if she didn’t tell you, I’m not going to betray her trust by explaining. That’s her decision. What I can tell you was that I didn’t mean to hurt her. I thought I was protecting her—protecting us both—but I wasn’t. And once I realized that, I had some things to come to terms with before I could talk it through with her. Then I tried, messed up again, she let me have it, and since then, I’ve been doing everything I can to show her how much she means to me. I’m not perfect, but I see her, and no one is angrier at me than I am for hurting her in the first place.” I stand up from the stool. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to go talk to her. As much as I appreciate you standing up for her, you’re not the one I need to talk to about this. She is.”
He stares at me for a moment, then gives an approving nod. “Go ahead.”
I don’t need his fucking permission, which is why I’m already moving down the hallway before he’s finished speaking.
I hate knowing I hurt her—that I made her cry.
When I get to Amanda’s room, I pause in the doorway, watching her as she scribbles a note on a piece of paper and pins it to the bulletin board above her desk. I swear, her mind never stops moving.
I shouldn’t be surprised that her room has an entire aesthetic vibe that I see and immediately associate with her. Light purples and pinks melt together with creamy tans, but not in a way that seems girlish. Pillows and wall hangings with quotes dot the space. Everything is low-key, but perfectly placed.
There’s a cozy chair by a bookshelf in the corner, and there are tons of pillows and a fluffy throw blanket on her bed.
It’s the picture of refined comfort.
“This room is perfectly you.”
She turns around with a smile. “Thank you. Event planning isn’t quite interior design, but they flex a lot of the same muscles. It helps that I know what I like.” She puts a hand on her hip and stares at me, smile growing. “I think you’d look pretty good in here too.”
“Yeah?” I cross the room to her and wrap my arms around her.
“Mhm.”
I love the feeling of her arms wrapped around me as she rests her body against mine.
I run my fingers through her hair, and she looks up at me. “Are you okay?”
I put my hands on her shoulders and look into her eyes. “Did I make you cry? ”
Her lips pull flat. “What did Pete say?”
“It doesn’t matter. Did I?”
She pushes out of my arms and shrugs while shaking her head. “I—it wasn’t you—I got my hopes up, and…”
Not letting her get away with that answer, I cup her face in my hands. “Tell me the truth.”
“Yes, I cried that night. But I shouldn’t have given you that power so easily.”
“No. I shouldn’t have taken anything about you or our friendship—what it was growing into—for granted. I’m sorry my carelessness hurt you.”
Tears well in her eyes, but she blinks them away. “I’m not good at this.”
“At what?”
“Being vulnerable. Letting someone else see my hurt.”
“I see it whether you let me or not. I always see you.”
“Jamie…”
I sweep my thumb under her eye and wipe away a tear, then lean down, resting my forehead against hers.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, but I promise to keep working to fix that hurt and to protect your heart in the future. And I’ll do my best to show that with my actions.”
She stares at me silently for a moment, those caramel eyes gazing intently into mine.
“Thank you for being here,” she whispers.
“Thank you for letting me in.”
This time, she pulls me into a hug, holding me tightly. I gently kiss her head and something inside me cracks open.
I didn’t know I wanted this, but now that I have it, I don’t think I could ever go without it. I couldn’t go without her.
“Are we okay?” I ask.
She smiles up at me. “We are. And we have been.” She rests one hand over my heart, and it’s almost too much.
It’s not even that no one else has ever made me feel like this, it’s that I never conceptualized what this would be like. It was impossible to imagine because I couldn’t have imagined her.
“Has your room always been like this?”
She laughs and steps back. “Definitely not. It’s always been an extension of me, and that has changed over time. I think the first design of my room was mostly rainbows and unicorns. That was in elementary school. Then there was the middle school makeover, which featured a lot of teal for some reason, and aggressive patterns that felt more adult . Then there was the early high school makeover. My mom didn’t let me paint my room black, so I hung black blankets on the walls. It looked like a witch’s den. It was the tipping point to finding what I like though. It morphed into black and tan and then black and white with pops of neon color—especially pink—to what it is now. I think this is most reflective of me. It has the vibrance I crave, then some of those dark hues from my witchy era. Along with the quotes on the wall, most of which are feminist or empowering in some way. Everything is more toned down now. I’d like to believe I’m the same way. Maybe not toned down, but refined.”
“It definitely is. It’s all blended together seamlessly and totally fits the vibe I get from you.” I look around. “Except maybe those.”
She turns and looks at her bookcase. “Ah, yes. My bears.”
I follow her over to the bookshelf. On one shelf sits a row of bears with shirts from various places. One is a Winnie the Pooh from Disney World. The rest all have names of places on them.
“Souvenirs?”
“Not exactly. Souvenirs are things you collect from anywhere you go. These are meaningful. I only get bears from places I really loved visiting or that hold special meaning to me.”
“Is that why there’s one from SUNY FL?”
“Yeah. I didn’t buy it until the end of the year. That’s when it became special. Because I knew the friendships I made there would last forever.” She elbows me lightly. “I’ll have to add one for whatever team you get drafted to. ”
“To go with this?” I pick up the baseball I signed for her. “You kept it?”
She shrugs, that deep vulnerability shimmering in her eyes. “I was hurt, but I didn’t hate you. My feelings for you didn’t disappear, so I kept it. Probably would’ve kept it either way, since it’s going to be worth so much money one day.”
I set the ball back down. “Don’t ruin it by joking around.”
“Maybe a part of me didn’t want to give up.” We stare at each other for a moment, the weight of it all settling between us. “So, uh, you really think you’ll play for the Metros?”
I take half a step back, letting the tension dissipate. “I don’t know. I hope so. Plus, I like the idea of being somewhat close to Ida.”
“There are other teams in the Northeast. Like maybe the Revs?”
I tilt my head and she smiles. “How did you know I like the Revs?”
It’s not exactly a secret, but the Revs and the Metros are rivals, and if I had to pick, my loyalties would lie with the Metros every time. But I have to admit, the Revs are a damn good team.
“One of their games was on last weekend at Mixed Brews. You kept looking out of the corner of your eye, and I saw you restrain your excitement when Kyle Bosco hit a home run.”
Damn. I’m not the only one who’s been paying attention.
“I’d be an idiot to turn down the Revs—or literally any chance at playing professionally. If I get to play for the Metros, that’s the dream, but I’ll be happy anywhere I make it.”
She shifts closer, trailing her fingers down my arm. “Well, wherever you end up, I’ll be there to watch you play.”
My already soft heart melts at that. Her words show me she’s not giving up on this… whatever’s growing between us. She sees the potential there too. A future. For so long, when I imagined making it to the majors, it always felt a little lonely. Sure, I’d have my family and friends to celebrate with me, but the idea of having someone who’s by my side through it all? It’s almost too much to ho pe for, but I won’t stop hoping, because Amanda deserves to be someone’s hope. Someone’s dream. Someone’s wish. There’s no doubt anymore, she’s mine.