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“You told me it didn’t matter. You acted as though it was all just a spur-of-the-moment thing, a fucking impulse, and I just happened to be convenient.” The painful truth pours out. It hurts to hear it again, like a burn that’s been prodded.
Gray grimaces as if it hurts him too. “I lied.”
It punches the breath out of me. “Lied?”
The corners of his eyes crinkle in pained expression. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a dumbass. Okay?” Gray takes a breath and leans his head against the edge of the shower glass. “I thought if I told you it wasn’t a big deal you wouldn’t freak out, and it was the worst thing I could have said.”
“Yeah, it was.”
With a solemn expression, Gray cups his big hand around the base of my neck, a gentle hold that grounds me, his skin warm and wet. “Ivy, I can’t lie to you anymore. Nothing about you is convenient. And you are the only one who has ever mattered. I look at you and I want to kiss you. Touch you.” His lids lower, his gaze hot and needy on my mouth. “I want to learn your body, find all those secret places that make you go crazy.” A puff of air leaves my lips, and he gives me a half-pained smile. “God, I want those things, honey. I want them so badly—”
“Gray—”
“No. Let me finish.” He takes a breath, his shoulders tensing. His thumb ghosts over my chin. “I don’t want to this be some lame friends-with-benefits thing. I want you to be mine. My girl. I want to be your guy. The thought of you with someone else… Shit. It rips my heart out.”
“Gray.”
He closes his eyes, giving his head a sharp shake. “I keep seeing that picture of you with that guy. It guts me, Ivy.”
“What picture? What guy?” Of all the things to focus on. But my thinking has gone haywire. And he isn’t making any sense.
Gray’s eyes fill with hurt as he looks at me. “Fiona sent me a picture of you dancing with some…” His head drops forward as he glares at the floor.
Fi, that little shit. Carefully, I touch Gray’s jaw. “It was just one dance. I can’t even remember the guy. That was me trying to have fun without you. And failing.”
His breath hitches then shudders. Relief, pain, anxiety. I’ve caused this in him. And it tears at my heart.
“I don’t want another guy, Gray.”
It seems as though his entire body stills at my words, and his gaze grows searching and vulnerable. “But do you want me?”
My fingers wrap around his damp neck. Holding on. “I…” My voice cracks and dies. “I’m scared,” I blurt out. “You’re my best friend. I can’t stand it when we’re apart. And if it goes bad…I don’t want to lose you.”
The tips of his fingers press into the curve of my jaw. “You will never lose me, Ivy. Never. I will always be your friend.” His large, wet palm cups my cheek. “I know you’re worried about how it will be with your dad—”
“No,” I cut in. “That was stupid. I should never have said that. He has nothing to do with us.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Gray’s thumb glides over my chin. “And I know you’re leaving for London. I don’t care. Not enough to turn my back on this. We’ll work it out.”
“I’m not going back to London.”
Gray stills, his gaze snapping to mine. “Don’t mess with me, honey, not about this.”
I give his neck a gentle squeeze. “I’m going to talk to my parents. I want to try to be an agent.” Just saying it sends little burst of nervous excitement through me. It feels right.
Gray slowly smiles. “You’ll kick ass, Ivy Mac.”
I lean into his hold, letting him support me. “I don’t know where I’ll live, but I’m not leaving the States.”
“You don’t know how happy I am to hear that,” he whispers. “Because I’m not quitting on you.” He no longer looks scared or hurt, but confident. “It will be so good, Mac. So fucking good between us. We just have to try. Tell me you want try.”
My heart beats so hard, he has to hear it. Gently, I reach out and wipe a drop of water from the corner of his mouth, my touch lingering. “I don’t think we’ve ever been just friends, Gray. I think I’ve wanted you from the beginning.”
His eyes close tight, a sigh leaving him, and he bites his lower lip. When he opens his eyes again, they shine sapphire blue. “You’ve owned me from ‘shenanigans,’ Ivy Mac.”
For a moment, we simply smile at each other, the reality of us as a couple, as something serious, vibrating in the air, tickling my skin, making my heart beat fast and strong.
Then he’s pulling me into the shower, warm water soaking my clothes, my skin. The air humid on my face. And we’re kissing, melting explorations of lips and tongue and teeth. My hand grips his hair, holding him closer.
Gray groans, angles his head to penetrate me deep. His tongue slides against mine, honey-sweet to my starved senses. All I can think is that I’m kissing Gray without worrying about why. Gray is kissing me. And we both seem to revel in this new freedom. Each press of lips, each nibble and soft suck, saying, finally, and this, this is what I’ve wanted, and more, give me more. Yes. Like that. More of that. Don’t stop.
“Gray.” I suckle his plump lower lip. “I need you.”
He shudders, his hands in my hair, on my cheeks. “You have me,” he says against my lips. “I don’t think you understand how much you have me.”