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Chapter

Twenty-Nine

The night had been restless, with me tossing and turning, drifting in and out of dreams where I found myself with Marsh, then Dainan.

In each dream, just as I attempted to speak to Marsh, I would awaken, feeling more exhausted than before.

Was it just the night before I was walking through the streets of Azmeer, eating one of the best meals of my life?

I never got the musician’s name.

Not that it mattered.

The likelihood of my seeing him again was non-existent.

I sat down at one of the long tables, sighing as I took a sip of my coffee.

The steam rushed up to meet my face.

“You’ve looked better,” Tamra smirked, sitting across from me.

“I’ve felt better,” I lifted my eyes to meet hers, a beautiful amber with onyx.

“ So, ” she took a bite of her oatmeal, “did you have fun last night?”

“For a while.”

She grinned, “Color me surprised when I returned to dance with Amera, and I see you, surrounded by shadows. Dancing as if your life depended on it,” she laughed.

I shuffled as if the bench beneath me were on fire.

I hadn’t thought of how it appeared to anyone other than Marsh.

Everyone there who was from the palace would have seen us.

If you’re not careful, you might give the impression that you’re here for titles, like princess or queen, rather than focusing on earning your place in the courts.

Keep a safe distance.

Lil had tried to warn me, and I’d been foolish not to listen.

I tried to sink lower to hide myself, but there was no point.

“Even though he’s not my type, I can see the appeal.” Tamra chuckled.

Gods, she's as bad as Lil.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” was all I could muster while taking another bite of toast.

“As much as I’d love to believe that, a word of advice,” she leaned in closer, “stay clear of Iona. I overheard her on the walk back. She invited Dainan to the bar last night, and when she saw the two of you,” Tamra grimaced, “well, let’s just say that she was pretty pissed. So, best to avoid her for now.”

“How’s it my fault? It’s not as if I told him to come use his shadows around me and force me into dancing with him.”

Tamra was trying not to laugh, “ Oh, is that what happened?”

“Ugh,” I groaned as I slammed my head into my arms on the table to hide myself from the world. “No. That’s not what happened.” As much as I wanted to blame someone other than myself, I was at fault. I’d approached Dainan on the dance floor, encouraged him, and kissed him. Gods, that kiss .

“Thank you,” I muttered, “if I see her, I’ll walk the other way.”

“Good girl.” Tamra patted my arm, all the while stealing one of my pieces of toast.

“Remind me,” I lifted my head to look at her, “if we’re ever in a place where pucchia is in the air again, to get out.”

She laughed now, “Don’t get too down on yourself for having a good time. Everyone deserves to let loose every now and then. Besides, they say pucchia just encourages you to do things you'd already consider doing.”

“So I’ve been told,” I muttered under my breath.

“Did you end up seeing the Wind Walker again last night?” She asked, leaning on the table.

I shook my head. “I hoped he would’ve stopped by or sent me a message, but I’ve heard nothing. It was a good thing; I had no idea what I would say to him.” I owed him an explanation, an apology, something.

“You seemed to have quite the time last night,” I said, attempting to steer the conversation in a different direction.

Tamra sighed, “You know what? I really did.”

We continued to chat over the remainder of our breakfast until the boys showed up, and Tamra decided she couldn't bear listening to their arguments over who felt worse. “Suits you both right for trying to drink the bar dry,” she rose to leave.

“See you later,” I told her, and she nodded back.

???

Despite how I was feeling, I chose to run while the boys strolled around the track. Marsh didn’t join me, nor was he anywhere to be seen.

As the hour was coming to a close, Oz decided to go find Tamra, and I slowed to talk with Kadian.

“How are you feeling today?” His color had left him again.

“I’m doing okay,” he forced a smile at me, arms dangling by his sides. He looked weaker somehow despite still appearing muscular and fit. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“I never got a chance to ask you,” he began to say. “What did you see in the Mirrors of Reflection the other day?” A look of genuine curiosity furrowed his brow. “Or are you keeping that secret too, like what you offered Giaxia?”

“It’s not a terrible thing for a lady to have a few secrets.”

“You and I both know that you don’t consider yourself a lady ,” he laughed, “as a matter of fact,” he put his arm around my shoulders, “I recall you refusing to attend the annual tea because you deemed it sexist that men weren’t invited.”

“It was sexist. Who’s to say who can enjoy tea? I mean, I don’t really like tea, but that’s beside the point,” I said while smiling at him. “Fine,” I sighed, chuckling all the while. “If you must know what I saw, prepare to be disappointed.”

He looked confused.

“I saw nothing,” I stopped walking and faced him.

“Nothing?”

I nodded as I folded my arms across my chest. I’d tried not to think about it much. Every time I did, I found myself fearing what it meant. “I stood there for several minutes, and it looked at one point as if the water was beginning to ripple and that an image may appear, but all I saw was the reflection of the columns by the doorway.”

“I thought it either had to show you what you feared or desired and based on last night,” he folded his arms back at me and raised an eyebrow, “it definitely seems like there is someone you desire. Maybe someones, if we’re counting the blonde, that is.”

“I’m not having that conversation right now.” I started walking once more

“Why do you think it chose not to show you anything?” He caught up, walking beside me.

“I'm not sure. Maybe because…I don't know what it is I fear or desire right now? I know I'm happy to be here despite being nervous at the beginning.”

He had no idea just how nervous.

“All I know is that I want this.” And I did. I knew I wanted to be here, not only for my father but for me. I’d found a place, people who mattered to me, and I them, despite the confusion surrounding my feelings, I knew Azmeer is where I wanted, needed to be.

“Still, it’s strange that you saw nothing.” He didn’t say anything else about it, and we walked the next few laps in silence.

“What did you see?” I asked.

“Lil,” was all he said as we made our way inside.