Page 18 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer (The Marlow Family #7)

She held the letter against her bosom for a moment, thinking of her mother, Penny, Rebecca and Sylvia as tears clouded her vision and slipped onto her cheeks.

This was the moment a tide, like the sea, tried to pull her back home.

Soon there would be even more miles between herself and them. Yet that home was gone forever for her.

She looked at the second letter. It was also marked with the Duke of Pembroke’s seal. But the address was written by Penny’s hand.

Ellen’s heart pumped even harder as she broke the seal, a beat of excitement and anxiety drumming through her limbs, all the way to her fingertips, making the paper tremble.

Eleanor, my dearest sister,

I am sure you must feel guilty for leaving us, but do not.

I am glad you have run off with Paul. Papa is furious; he has not let any of us mention your name, not even Mama.

But I know she has cried, and I have tried to comfort her, but she must obey Father and so she will not let me say your name to her, though, I see her concern for you in her eyes all the time.

When I saw him scribbling a letter with a look of steel on his face, then I knew he must be writing to you, and so I wrote my own and hid it in the packet with his.

He does not know I have written, and I am sure you will not be able to write back.

This is just to tell you that I understand and miss you terribly, but I would not have it different for the world. I hope you are happy.

I saw an article in Papa’s paper; there was a paragraph.

‘Lady P, the daughter of the Duke of P, is known to have run off with the 6th son of the Earl of C, without the consent of either influential home. One does wonder over the abilities of these noble lords if they cannot even control their sons and daughters. The eloped couple are now believed to be abroad.’

Papa threw the paper at a footman. I have never seen him so obviously angry. You know what he is like for cold disdain, but this was definitely heated. I had to hide a giggle.

Oh, Ellen, I miss having you to talk to, so much, but you must not come back.

You must stay away and enjoy your life. I wish you happiness.

I can hardly imagine what it must be like to be an officer’s wife.

You shall have a life of adventure, while I pine away for you.

But do not let that put you off, you must enjoy every moment.

All my love,

Your sister,

Penelope

Ellen collapsed into a chair, tears tracking pathways down her cheeks, as her heart bled for her home, her sisters and her mother.

* * *

Ellen heard Paul arrive with his men through the window, the noise of carts and shouts. A few minutes later his boot heels struck the wooden floorboards in the hall.

She stood as he entered the bedchamber.

‘Are you ready, Ellen?’

‘I am, yes.’ Externally – but not internally.

‘Come in!’ He looked back and called to the open door.

She was dressed to leave. She wore a pelisse, which he had bought for her to wear when travelling, it had a military theme with frogging like a hussars’ uniform, gold braid and brass buttons, and beneath it, her travelling habit was made from calico.

It was thicker than the muslins she usually wore, so the chilly sea breezes would not penetrate the cloth.

When he moved out of the way to let his men enter the room, he smiled towards her.

A torch lit within her heart, light and warmth, and she smiled too. His smile belonged to the man she had met at her parents’ home; the smile that had captured her heart the first time she had seen him.

The soldiers lifted the trunks and carried them out. When they had left, Paul lifted his arm. ‘Come then.’

Her fingers embraced his arm through the layers of his clothing as she walked out of the inn room beside him.

They left Jennifer to oversee the loading of their items and walked along the cobbled street to the dock. It was not far from their lodgings.

‘My father wrote to me,’ she said. ‘That was one of the letters your man brought.’

‘And…’ Paul encouraged her to say what the letter had contained.

‘He told me I may not write, not to him, nor Mama, nor any of my sisters.’

His arm dropped away from beneath her fingers as he turned sharply and embraced her.

It was so uncommon for him to show her affection in public when he was in the guise of a soldier, it made her wish to cry.

But Paul would not want a weeping wife when they boarded the ship.

She wiped away her tears as he let her go.

‘The other letter was from Penny. She wanted me to know that she is happy for me, and wishes me well…’

Paul held her hands. ‘I know you miss your sisters. If he had accepted my offer?—’

Ellen met his gaze. ‘It is not your fault he refused you, and to acknowledge us. You are more than worthy.’

His eyes shone with heartfelt anger.

‘The fault is my father’s. His rigid judgement…’ Ellen concluded.

Paul touched beneath her chin. ‘Even so, I regret that this is the outcome of marrying me.’

‘I do not regret. I am happy to be your wife, and if I had wanted to see you I would have had to travel alongside you anyway.’

‘Then I am a very lucky man.’

‘Well, that makes us equal, because I know I am lucky to be with you.’ She smiled, denying the sadness inside her.

She could tell from the expression in his eyes he wished to kiss her, but that would be a step too far in the street when he was in the persona of a soldier.

‘Come.’ He raised his arm, offering it to her to hold on to.

She did hold on to him, in so many ways.

When they reached the dock, the other officers were present and casting various orders.

Instantly she noticed his lieutenant colonel on the deck of the ship.

She sensed his gaze on her, he always watched her.

She did not look up as Paul acknowledged him.

She was under no obligation to do so, and there was just something about the man which made her skin crawl, as though she had lain on an ants’ nest.

Paul’s arm fell from beneath her fingers then he walked quicker, moving a few paces ahead as he called a couple of the soldiers over. She heard him telling them his belongings would arrive soon…

When he returned to her, he leaned forward. ‘I have managed to secure us a cabin as you were so uncomfortable with our conditions previously,’ he said quietly.

Beyond Paul, his senior officer watched them. She focused on Paul. ‘Thank you.’

‘Shall I take you to it? Or would you rather wait on deck until we sail?’

‘No. Take me there.’

‘Very well then.’ Instead of offering his arm, he took her hand, and she was well aware of her fingers shaking despite her brave words.

He led her up the gangplank and stopped before the lieutenant colonel for her to curtsy. She did so, briefly, without looking up to meet his gaze, she looked instead at his cravat.

‘Good day, Madam Harding, I hope our weather is fair and the journey shall not be difficult for you.’

He said nothing wrong – nothing offensive – there was nothing factual to cause her discomfort, except that he stared. But that tingle of disgust which kept running up her spine whenever he was near shivered through her nerves.

‘I will show Ellen to our cabin and then return and instruct the men.’

‘Indeed.’ With that she was dismissed.

Paul’s hand tightened around hers, gently leading her across the deck. The cabin was tiny, probably only a yard wide, with one narrow cot and another above it, but at least it would be private.

‘We will be at sea for three to four days, Ellen. I shall send Jennifer to you once she arrives.’ Paul closed the door, leaving her alone. She sat on the lower bunk.

Everything felt so strange. She supposed this would be the way it was now – she would become used to one place and then it would be time to move to another.

She lay down on the bunk. If he wished for relations tonight it would be impossible as her bleed had begun. Her lower back ached a little as she rolled to her side.