Page 265 of The First Taste

She giggles. "It’s what we all needed, deep down."

The pizza smells amazing as I bring it to my lips. I am eating with my eyes as much as I am preparing myself for such a decadent treat. Take-out pizza is not something that is usually on the menu for me, that’s for sure.

But the second I put the pizza slice in my mouth, I feel my belly gurgle. I was starving literally half a second ago. But now that my mouth is closed around the tip of the pizza, taking in a mushroom, my hunger has shifted to nausea. Before I can even take a solid bite, I retch in my throat.

I fling the pizza away from my face, spitting the chewed-up remnants into my hands. A wave of nausea hits me, and I retch again, pressing my nose into my arm.

Olivia stands up, alarmed. "What’s going on? What can I do?"

I cough, shaking my head, and run to the bathroom. I barely have time to dump the chewed bits of pizza in the sink before I throw up a little bit of burning liquid. I retch for another minute and then step back, feeling perplexed.

Why did the pizza make me feel so sick, so suddenly? I have no idea. It takes me another couple of minutes to clean up after myself in the bathroom.

When I walk out of the small bathroom and emerge into the living room, I am hit by the smell of pizza once more. I gag and turn towards the kitchen, covering my nose and mouth with my hand. "The pizza… Can you…"

"Oh God, yes." Olivia is on her feet, carrying both the plates and the pizza box. She takes them outside, leaving the door open and letting the room fill with cold air. I drink in gulps of the fresh air, trying not to vomit.

Olivia sticks her head in the front door, looking at me with concerned eyes. "Are you going to be okay?"

I nod. I hold my mouth in just a certain way that seems to be keeping me from throwing up and I just ride out the wave of nausea until it passes. At last, I sit down on the couch again and sink back, looking up at the ceiling and letting my head fall back.

"Oh my God. If that’s a sign of pregnancy, maybe I don’t want to deal with it right now." I'm half-joking, my remark not really meaning anything. But Olivia shuts the front door, looking at me carefully as she takes her seat again.

"Does that mean you have made up your mind about it?"

I look over at her, shaking my head. "No. I was just kidding. I haven’t made up my mind one way or the other."

"Well," she sighs and looks around the room, as if deciding how much to say. She has a tendency to nag and I really appreciate her clear attempt to reign it in now. "You know you are going to have to decide one way or another eventually."

She’s rustling her overcoat off and throwing it over the arm of the chair. Standing up, I take her coat and hang it beside mine.

"I’m going to make myself some dry toast. You want some?"

She shrugs. "Sure. I could go for some dry toast. Why not?"

She follows me into the small kitchen. Everything in here is a shade of brown. Brown ceramic tile on the counter and floor, with light brown near the cabinets. I wrestle a loaf of bread from the pantry cabinet and place two slices in the toaster. Then I turn, leaning against the counter.

Olivia leans against the opposite counter and crosses her arms, looking me up and down. "Okay, here’s the thing."

She quirks her head, curious. "I’m listening."

"So, I definitely want a family. Like I said before, I really want to have a bunch of kids. And now I am wondering... What if this is the only chance I will ever have to get pregnant? What if I never conceive again after getting an abortion?"

She purses her lips. "That is not really a common side effect or anything. In fact, it’s not even a rare one. It’s possible, but in the same way that it’s possible that you might win the lottery without even buying a ticket. You know? Not unthinkable, but just really,reallyunlikely."

I exhale a sigh. Our toast pops up, and I offer her a piece, grabbing her the peanut butter and a knife. She spreads peanut butter on her toast and looks at me.

"It makes me nervous," I say finally.

"People go on to have really beautiful children after an abortion. Don't let a lifetime of fear mongering and incomplete information make your decision for you."

I take a tiny nibble of my toast, nodding slowly. "You’re right, of course."

"I am a scientist by nature. I seek the truth."

"And I am very glad to have inner circle privileges. But… here’s the thing: telling Burn Morgan that I am pregnant with his child? It seems… I don’t know, unfathomable. Especially after I met his fiancée."

Olivia looks at me, her eyebrows arching. "Tell me more about that."