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17
JAMES
Night draws in, darkening the house and letting the shadows dance anywhere that doesn't have enough lighting. Which turns out to be a lot of the rooms. Callie's only used a couple of them for herself, and the house is large, meaning there are a lot of empty nooks and crannies. It's good considering we have a lot of people here, but not so good in that some of the rooms aren't set up for habitation.
I slip out of the back door, relieved to find Callie sitting on the steps and staring out into the back garden. A moment of quiet in a chaotic time.
"Is it safe for you to be out here?" I ask.
She jumps and twists around so she can see me. "Why wouldn't it be? You said the wards are strong, and the others reinforced them a little while ago."
I sit down beside her and place my hands on my knees. "I meant because if you turned into a cat again, we might lose you."
She shrugs. "I wasn’t thinking about that. If I turn, you're just going to have to grab me and get me back in the house."
A deep chuckle rises within me. "And end up with war wounds? I may have to pass on that one."
She grimaces. "I should apologize to him for that."
"There's no need. He's been through worse."
"And what about you?" Her eyes bore into me like she knows all of my secrets already.
"What about me?" I ask. My nerves run like electricity within me. The moment she asks, I know I'll tell her the truth. But is she ready for that? I'm not so sure.
"Have you seen worse?"
"Many times," I mutter darkly, half-hoping she let this go and half-hoping she’ll push me for answers.
Her eyes brim with curiosity. “Like what?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I add too quickly, then silently curse my response.
“In Britain?”
I shrug, responding automatically.
Damn it. Just speak. Just tell her. Something. Anything.
"I understand why you might not tell me. We haven’t known each other long, but why haven't you told the guys about your past?" She's not accusing me of anything, but there's certainly an awareness in her words that I should be careful of.
Tread lightly, James. Choose the right moment and the right words with care.
"How do you know I haven't?" Has one of them told her that they don't know it, and it bothers them? I thought they'd outright ask me if they had questions.
"It's easy to work out. You leave the room, change the subject, or otherwise avoid talking about it. You think no one notices, but in reality, we all do. I think Will and Hank don't ask because they don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Because they care about you."
"And you don't share their sentiments?" I raise an eyebrow.
Callie laughs lightly, the sound filling me with a joy I've never truly felt before. "Not exactly. I'm just starting to think your past is relevant."
I sigh. This day had been building up, the day I'd have to come clean about who and what I am. "There's a lot of things the guys don't know about me. It's not that I want to keep secrets from them exactly. I suppose in some ways it's like I'm running from the truth about myself. It’s easier to process if I don’t talk about it."
She nods. "I get that. If I hadn't met people here I've come to care about already, then I'd be running right now."
It's a lie, and we both know it. Her heart is too good to ever abandon anyone to the fate they may face here.
"I don't know where to start," I admit, taking a slow, deep breath. "I've never told anyone any of this."
About me. About my mistakes.
"Maybe just start at the beginning?" she prompts.
"Well, about nine months before I was born?—"
"James!" she scolds, pushing on my arm.
My lips lift into a knowing smile. "You may think I'm joking, but it is partly relevant," I promise.
Intrigue flutters over her face.
"I'm not a full witch," I admit. "At least, not in the sense that Hank and Will are. It's a complicated system, but normally witches have children with the same or a similar type of witch."
"Witch is a general term?" she asks.
I nod. "It's mostly used to describe anyone who can produce magic." I click my fingers, and a small ember appears in the palm of my hand. It's not as impressive as anything Will or Hank can do, but it's enough to get my point across.
"You know, I've wanted to know the answer to that since I found out about this world."
"I get that. It's a strange world sometimes, and I can't imagine what it must be like discovering it as an outsider," I admit. I don't envy her that. It's hard enough from the inside. "Anyway, that's not the point. My father isn't the most upstanding of men, and the woman I used to think of as my mother was barren. He had a son with someone else, a surrogate of sorts. I assume he thought she was a witch at first, but it turns out she wasn't as pure as he was led to believe."
"Pure?" Her brows knit together.
I grimace. Not my best word choice, but one born out of my upbringing. "Sorry, not quite what I meant. The woman who bore me was a salamander."
"A big lizard?" Surprise echoes through every word.
I chuckle. "Kind of. It's a magical giant lizard. I suppose it works a bit like shifting between your human form and your cat."
"Wait, you can become a giant magical lizard?" Her eyes go as round and wide as saucers.
"I wish. I'm only half salamander. My other half is a fire witch. Thankfully, my father is strong, so I still have some magic. But I'm stuck between the two. I can't create roaring flames like Hank or Will can, nor can I shift like my birth mother. But it's almost impossible for me to burn, and I can do some limited fire magic."
"I felt your magic, though."
I nod. "I do have some. And I learned to control it as well as I could to make up for the lack of strength. In some ways, my magic is more refined than a lot of other witches, but I don't have the strength to put behind it."
Understanding dawned on her. "That's what you meant when we were in the other room, and you were saying that someone else could take over, that you weren’t the strongest.”
"Yes. I don't know how many of them have figured out the truth or even who suspects it. Witches come with all kinds of power levels, so it's not that unusual for someone to be a bit weaker or stronger." Thankfully, it's something I long ago came to terms with.
"There's something I don't understand," she says, scooting closer toward me.
I want to reach out and put an arm around her, but she's set us down a path that'll reveal more about me, and now she needs to know the rest before I show more affection. It's only fair.
"What don't you understand?" I ask, thinking back through what I've told her in case any of it doesn't make sense.
"None of this is particularly dark."
"True."
"But something about your past haunts you."
Ah. She's perceptive. That shouldn't be a surprise, considering what she's uncovered about the paranormal world. This woman isn't a fool, that's for certain.
"My father doesn't like the fact that I'm not a full witch. He… my childhood wasn't a good one. I escaped to boarding school as soon as I could, and the first time I returned..." A lump forms in my throat at the memory, but I push it away. I can't break down now. People are relying on me, and I'm not going to let this be the reason I let them down. "The woman I called mother was dead."
"What happened?" She reaches out and puts her hand over mine.
"I still don't know for sure. I'm certain it was Father. He did something to her, and she paid the price."
"I'm so sorry." She looks horrified.
"You shouldn't be," I point out. "It's even less your fault that she's dead than it is mine. I miss her, but the pain has faded over the years."
"How did you cope with it?" She's not just asking for me. She wants to know if there's a way she can move past the pain of her own parents’ deaths.
"I fell down a dark path. A friend I'd made at boarding school took me under his wing. I ended up running with a bad crowd." I shudder at the thought of some things we ended up doing.
"I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was," she assures me.
I laugh bitterly. "Trust me, it's worse." I take a deep breath, knowing what I have to say next will blow her world apart. She'll put it back together quickly enough, but that isn't the point. "I ended up in service to the king here," I blurt out before I lose my nerve. The how is complicated but hardly matters in the grand scheme of things.
Callie blinks a couple of times, the words sinking in.
I wait. I could try and justify what I did, but it's better if she comes to terms with it first.
"In service, how?" she asks slowly, taking in my words.
"Not in any way that hurt people. I avoided that whenever I could. I'm not proud to admit it, but I did intimidate, steal, and bully."
"How old were you?"
"I left when I was twenty-one. I..." I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves. "I saw the king beat someone to death for being a half-witch. After that, he announced that he wanted to hunt down any others with diluted blood and put them to death."
True horror passes over her face. "That's awful."
"It's the way of the king." I shrug. I don't think she's fully come to terms with what the man is like. Nothing is going to convince her until she sees it for herself. The knowledge of that breaks my heart, but I know from experience how persuasive Robert can be.
"What did you do after that?" she asks.
"I ran away and hid. I can't say I'm proud of it. Any of that time, if I'm honest, but I stayed away from other witches for years. And then I realized I couldn't do that. It was wrong to stand by and watch. So I came back and ended up meeting Hank and Will. Until recently, we've never really done anything against the king, but we've helped people escape who have, and protected others. We're doing our bit."
"I think that it's an admirable thing to do," she says evenly.
I shake my head and let out a small laugh. "It's not admirable at all. It's nothing more than guilt. I'm a man on the run from my past, ashamed of the person I was."
"The person you were doesn't matter anymore," she assures me. "What's important is the man you are now. You're trying to right the wrong and have surrounded yourself with good people to help that. If you can't see the good in that, then you're trying not to see it."
"You're almost convincing when you try." I half smile at her, still weighed down by the emotions of the past. "But I'm trying to be the person I should have been the entire time. It's not hard to stay away from the dark, but it is hard to fight against it."
"That makes sense," she admits. "Is that what everyone here is doing?"
"I'm not sure. I've never had this conversation with Will and Hank before. Perhaps it's time I do."
"Probably. Otherwise, it's going to come out at a really bad time, and you'll have to explain it during a showdown or something."
I laugh for real this time. "It might be distracting if I stand there monologuing like a Bond Villain."
"To the wrong side," she points out. "Probably best if you avoid doing that."
"Good plan." A part of me wonders why she isn't running away from me right now. I may not have included any specific details about who or what I was, but that doesn't mean she can't guess at the kinds of things I did.
"You know what else is a good plan?" There's a twinkle in her eye as she asks.
"What’s that?" I'm intrigued, unable to work out what she may be thinking.
"Not beating yourself up over who you used to be. Everyone has a past, and everyone has done something they regret."
"Not everyone has supported a tyrant," I say. "Someone who is determined to destroy everything good in this world."
"I'm sure he isn't that bad," she assures me.
Oh, Callie. A part of me wants to argue against her, but there's no point. She hasn't seen the king's ruthlessness yet. And I don't blame her. I’d heard stories before I came to the US to be part of his coven, and I didn’t put much weight in them. I changed my mind after a week in his service.
"He's the kind of man who'll add more names to the list of who to kill the longer someone defies him." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Callie's eyes widen.
"I'm sorry, that's not what I?—"
"It's alright. I appreciate you telling me the truth." She says, reaching out and cupping my cheek in her hand.
My gaze strays to her lips. I'm not sure how it's come to this when she should be angry at me.
She leans in and kisses me softly, just like the one we shared in the kitchen. There's nothing hesitant about this, though. She doesn't see me like the man I used to be.
I tangle one of my hands in her hair, tugging her closer and inhaling everything about her. My heart pounds, and in that moment, I know that everything I am is hers.
We break apart, still close together, lost in one another's touch.
The door creaks, breaking the tension slightly, but we still don't move.
"It's time to go," Will says, stepping out of the back door with Hank just behind. I guess there are no more sweet kisses for me right now.
I pull away from Callie, not truly wanting to leave her warm embrace but knowing we need to get going if we want to search the dowager's house before anyone comes upon us.
She jumps to her feet and dusts herself off. "Right, I'm ready."
"You're not coming with us," Hank says. "We can't take that kind of risk. Too many people know who you really are and if any of them have leaked that back to the king..."
"We have to trust our allies," she bites back, instantly angry. "And I won't have that sort of mistrust going on. No one has told the king about me, and that's that."
"You're still staying here," Will insists.
Defiance flares in her eyes. "Why?"
"What if your cat takes over while you're there?" he asks. I silently applaud him for arguing with a reason she'll likely accept.
Callie scowls.
"You're too precious," I say instead of letting either of them get a word in edgewise. "We can't risk you in an area they already know about. As far as we know, they haven't figured out you live right next to the firehouse."
Hank snorts. "That's cause they're dumb."
I crack a smile. "That may be the case, but we have to take advantage of that. They do know where the dowager lived, and they've already set one fire there."
"But they don't think I'm anything but a human," Callie points out. "In the letter?—"
"Which could all be made up," I say. "I've seen the king do that before."
"I'm sorry, you've seen him do that?" Hank demands.
I hold up a hand to stop him. "I'll tell you in the car." Callie was right about that. It’s time to tell them. “It’s time I came clean about some stuff.”
He looks like he's about to argue but doesn't. He narrows his eyes at me instead. Probably because he realizes it’s a big deal if I'm going to tell them about my past.
Callie tries again. "I..."
"Callie, we can't take that risk," Will says softly. "Your safety is far too important."
A calculated look flits through her eyes. Oh no, what is she planning?
"Fine. I'll stay," she promises. "But I don't want any of you getting yourselves caught. Please?"
"We promise we'll be as safe as we can," I say.
She nods, looking a little uneasy. She kisses each of us on the cheek and slips back into the house.
"I have a bad feeling about this," I mutter.
"Never mind that, we have your secrets to finally discuss," Hank reminds me.
I sigh and begin to fill them in on the truth about me and where I come from. I have to hope they know me well enough not to want to cast me off.
When I'm done, Will claps me on the shoulder while Hank just stands there. So much for waiting until we were in the car. I suppose I shouldn't have expected that to happen.
"Thank you for telling us," he says. "Now, let's get going; we don't want to waste any time at the house."
I do a double-take. "Wait, that's it? Let's get going?" That’s it? They weren’t going to lecture me or tell me I’ve damaged their trust?
Hank shrugs and starts walking around the house. "What do you want us to do? Say you're a knob, and we never want to see you again?" He pauses. "I used knob right, didn't I?"
I shake my head in amusement as I follow him. "If you're trying to call me a dick, then yes. But I kind of did expect that. I mean?—"
"You mean, nothing," Will counters. "You're not that man now, James. We know that, and we trust you."
Happiness bubbles up inside me. Maybe I can finally achieve peace. I never expected this conversation to go so well, so easily. I feel like I can finally begin to come to terms with my former life and one day be free from the echoes of my past. I just hope none of it will come back to harm Callie.
I glance between my two friends. There's no need to worry about that. With them helping to protect her, there's no doubt she'll be safe.
Table of Contents
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- Page 33 (Reading here)
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