Page 264 of The Fall

My mind is a siren, wailing a warning. I am standing on a cliff’s edge and watching the rock crumble away while the whole world cheers for the view.

“Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends,” Hayes’s voice barrels on, winking at Blair and me. “All welcome. I got us a limo, so let’s fucking go!” His eyes are so bright, his voice so full of a life he doesn’t know he’s about to lose. “We’re celebrating tonight!”

The word—limo—hits me, and suddenly I’m drowning in memory: black water, twisted metal, free fall?—

My knees threaten to buckle. The fluorescent lights blur into halos, and for a second I’m not in this locker room at all; I’m falling, I’m trapped in a car filling with water, a man is screaming as wide as the night?—

“Torey?” Blair’s voice cuts through the chaos in my head.

The locker room snaps back into focus. My mouth is dry as sand. Every cell in my body screams one word:No.

“No.” The word is quiet, almost lost in the noise.

Hayes cups his hand to his ear. “What, Kicks? Can’t hear you over the sound of victory.”

I pull myself from Blair’s arms and cross the room. It feels like I’m wading through deep water. “No limo. Cancel the car.”

A beat of confused silence hangs between Hayes and me. “Buddy, what are you talking about?” He laughs, a note of uncertainty in it.

“We’ll take your Escalade.” I want to break down and scream, or hurl his phone into the walls, or, worst of all, to tell them the truth, but if I did, they would think my concussions were talking, or that I was cracking. They would handle me with care andget me to the medical unit, and then they’d climb into the limo without me, and?—

No, we have to do this together, and I have to be the sanest man in this room. “I’ll drive,” I say.

Blair stays close enough that the heat off his body skims my side. His palm spreads between my shoulder blades. “Torey?”

I cannot look at Blair; I will shatter if I look at him. “I don’t want to take a limo. I want to drive us.”

Hayes blinks. “Kicks, we’re celebrating.”

“I’ll drive. I’m not drinking.”

“Are you sure?” I can feel the question in Blair’s gaze, feel him trying to read the unreadable thing that has taken root inside me.

The locker room is quieter now; the guys are all watching.

I meet Blair’s gaze.I would rewrite the stars for you. I would tear the universe apart to keep you safe.“I’m sure.”

Time is a river that only flows one direction, but I am the stone in the waters. I will break the waves before they crash against Blair’s beach. I will bend this tide to my will. This is the line I’ve crossed a thousand times or none at all. Does the loop begin or end here? “Give me the keys.”

The room warps, two versions of the same moment trying to exist in the same space: one where I let the limo take them, one where I put my hands on the wheel and cut a new line through the night. For a breath, I’m weightless between them.

Hayes’s thumbs hover over his phone. He looks from me to Blair then back again. “Alright,” he says, that one word heavier than it should be. “Escalade it is.”

I nod once. My tongue tastes like metal. “Thanks.”

He tosses me his keys; I catch them one-handed.

“Kicks is on DD duty!” He turns to the room and raises his voice. “Nobody give him shit, he earned it.” That gets a laugh, and the crackle in the air eases. “We roll in twenty.”

I turn and meet Blair’s gaze. His eyes are deep water under storm light, searching me. I take his hand and pull him close. “I love you,” I whisper.

Here, finally, the path branches.

Here, I save him.

We troop out to the garage, and the team’s laughter rolls over concrete. Their jackets are thrown over their shoulders, faces red from victory and glory. Hayes folds me up against him with an arm around my shoulders. “You lose a bet with yourself or what?”

He sees my face and thinks again about keeping up with his bullshit. Let them all think whatever they need to think, as long as they get in this fucking SUV and not that limo.