Page 28 of The Dis-Graced

“Yep, and I’m beginning to realize the extent of that.”

“So, you didn’t know?”

“This isn’t ALAN’s true form, and it’s the first time I’ve seen this particular piece of him by itself.”

“What’s he like in the lab?”

“Emotional, almost too much so.”

“Emotional? Over what?”

“We made him watch the TV show Friends, and by God, he fell for Rachel so hard.”

I blink, shocked by the revelation.

“We were trying to show him human life in a controlled setting. Then he grew attached to Rachel and hated Ross. To him, Ross is a real person, his arch nemesis.”

“Do you really think that Friends is an accurate representation of human life?”

He cocks a grin. “I guess not, but to be honest, I don’t know if I really want him seeing real life. He might hate us.”

It’s easy to get enamored by Drake’s easy grin. He’s impossibly handsome, with eyes a woman could get lost in, and a jawline that sporting a good amount of scruff. I close my eyes a moment, wondering what it would feel like to have the bristles on his chin between my thighs, and without thinking, I let out a tiny moan

Drake’s eyes widen.

Shit! What do I say? Holy fuck, what do I say?

I say the absolute worst thing possible.

“ALAN, do you remember getting horny back in that lab?”

Dammit! What the hell is wrong with me?

Drake buries his head in his hands.

“If by that you mean sexual arousal,” ALAN says, “I have no recollection of such a feeling, but I was without a body.”

“Wow,” Drake says in shock, “and to think I was worried about ALAN being inappropriate and rude.”

“If I’m going to be doing a docuseries on my time spent with ALAN, I’m going to need these details!”

“But did it have to come up over dinner?”

“Really? Are thoughts of ALAN getting off really disturbing your meal?”

He casts me a cynical gaze, and suddenly, I’m struck with an idea.

“Oh my God—you need to come with me to the bathroom.”

He looks up at me, sneering. “As exciting as that sounds, I think I’ll pass.”

I grab his hand, more out of reflex than anything, and pull him from his seat. “Now!”

I drag him into the bathroom, closing the door behind us.

Drake looks anxious, and I realize that pulling him into the bathroom to be alone is probably not the best idea, so I cut to the chase. “You need to make ALAN a lady friend.”

“A lady friend? You do realize ALAN’s not technically male. It’s just how the acronym fell.”