Page 46 of The Devil’s Detail (The Greystone Family: Greystone Brothers #2)

“Really? I didn’t. You fucking lied, and I found out. Nothing to get mixed up about there.” His voice is gravelly, his eyes fixed firmly on mine, but not much emotion settles on his face.

Right, confrontation it is then. Well, I’m hiding nothing.

“Yes, that’s true to a point,” I concede.

“A point? Which of those points would that be?” He’s cocky as fuck. Arrogant. I don’t really like this side of him. Especially when it’s focused on me.

“I’m gonna explain from the beginning. I’m not asking you for anything, but just to listen.

” I stop and stare at him. I’m not cowering, and he knows it.

“I went to CAshO. I’ve been there periodically over the years.

” I can see his face is ‘yeah, tell me something I don’t know. ’ “I know you’re the same.”

He shrugs. Apparently there isn’t much he doesn’t know. But I continue. I am determined to get this all out. Lay it before him. Make sure he really does know.

“Lately, though, the last few times I’d been—since dumping Gary—some of the stuff I’d done ended up on the gossip sites.

Not bad, just annoying as fuck. I knew CAshO must be the leak since it was the only place anything remotely like they hinted at happened.

” I raise my eyes up. “I was sick of it. I couldn’t even go to a fuckin’ sex club and have a private moment.

Even though NDAs were a matter of course.

” I pause as he sits passively opposite me, sipping his drink. Watching me.

“I decided to go big or go home for fuckin’ good. Set up the extra security. Anyone who was to be with me had to sign, be blindfolded, and not ask who it was that was with them. I had to remain anonymous.”

He chuffs out a laugh. “How many takers did you have? Before me.” His voice is as flat as a pancake.

“None. No one else was crazy enough. Or brave enough. Only you.”

He shakes his head. “How many have agreed since?” His voice has gone quiet, menacing.

“None. I’ve never asked anyone else. You were the first and the last. I haven’t been with anyone else since that night at CAshO with you.”

“Am I supposed to be flattered?” His eyebrow is raised, along with his voice.

“No, I’m telling you the facts.” I’m hanging onto my nerves here. “What happened in that room blew my fuckin’ mind. I couldn’t believe you said yes. I wanted you, always had. But to be honest, the more you said ‘yes’ to everything, the more nervous I got.”

“You didn’t seem that nervous. Not as I remember.

” He’s calling me out, and he’s right to do so.

But I was nervous. Excited nervous. But also panicked nervous.

What if he did find out? And hated me for it.

I knew I would have to tell him at some point.

An experience like that would never lay hidden.

It was bigger than the both of us, a sublime explosion of every possible feeling.

No, those sorts of things never stay hidden.

“Well, I was. I wasn’t sure if you’d ever forgive me for hiding who I was.

Using my English accent to deceive you. But to be honest, once I got my hands on you, any rational thought disappeared from my mind.

I just wanted what you gave me. I wanted you to have what I wanted to give.

To be honest, I felt free. Wild. Reckless.

Things I hadn’t felt for a long time, if ever.

” I’m getting too fluffy for him. I watch him look away, focusing out the window.

“So when did you decide you wanted to ‘date me’ and carry on the deceit. You even contacted me as fucking Bonney. What? Were you worried I’d cheat on you? With fucking you?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Yes. After what happened at CAshO, and then all those months afterwards, I wanted you. I wanted everything you had to give, and not just in the bedroom. I’d fallen for you, Jackson.

” He goes to open his mouth and I put my hands up to stop him.

“You might think I didn’t know you, so how could that be?

But I did know you. This was just… more. ”

“So you thought the best way to go about it was to lie by omission?” His voice is higher now. Tighter. He’s most definitely angry about the lying.

I need to be careful here, this is the crucial element. I want to match his angry tone, screech and beg, but I need to rein it in. I have to keep myself on an even keel, calm and confident Carter. Any histrionics and I’m toast.

“No. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to tell you so many times.

But I also wanted you to fall for me. Carter.

Not an unknown man in a club. I wanted you to love me, want me.

Carter Maywood. I thought that if I told you, you’d get pissed at me and leave.

I thought if I told you how I felt, and you felt the same, I could explain.

I did the club thing out of desperation.

I’ve been sold out, shit on, so many times.

Hell, I've even been picnicnapped.” I’m trying to lighten the tension about to engulf me, but he puts his head down, and I think I might be too late.

His voice, low and hurt, hits me between the eyes.

“I thought when I heard that voice in the room at your house, that Bonney was there. I’d already decided not to meet him.

But you know that. Did you see me at the hotel?

” The intensity in his voice is making me squirm on the inside, and he isn’t looking up at me.

But outwardly, I know I’m holding my own.

He raises his eyes to meet mine. “Why did you want to meet me again as Bonney? Were you testing me? Trying to see if your little game of cat and mouse had worked?” I gulp.

His whole body has changed, his voice confident, his shoulders squared, pulled back upright.

He’s filling the entire room. Squeezing me out.

“If I came, you’d know I didn’t really want you, Carter.

Was happy to be a cheater. Take a casual fuck over a relationship. ” He’s bitter.

And now that he’s said it like that, it’s everything I felt laid bare. “I was insecure. I’m sorry. And yes, it probably was a test. I have no excuse for it. I was weak.” I can’t say anything else. No excuses for my own insecurities. I’m hanging everything out there.

“I thought, in that room, when Freddie told me you were Bonney, that you’d signed up another man.

The actor, Blake. You fucking played me like a fiddle.

But you know what the saddest thing in all this is, Carter?

” He stands and looks down at me. I shake my head.

“When I think about that room now, when I look back to March, all I see is you. It all fell into place. How you touched me, the level of care and consideration. That was all you, Carter. Not Bonney, not a character. You gave me you. Carter Maywood. In that room, you gave me everything that you were. That was why I was so hung up on Bonney. Not the sex, although it was glorious. It was everything that went around it that made it so extraordinary. You made it extraordinary. You, Carter, not Bonney. And the more I got to know you, it was that side of you that I loved. It was that side of you that pulled me in. The man, not the actor.”

I sit there in stunned silence. He loved me. He felt love for me. I’d given him everything, from March onwards. I knew that I had. Everything in that room, everything since. I’d laid my soul bare, and he’d loved me for it. I just never realised it. What a fuckin’ mess.

“So what do we do from here? Where do we go?”

He’s asking me? I have no fuckin’ clue. I know where I want to go.

“I’m going to Ireland to see Jonno and the new baby.” His voice is controlled, but not as cold as when I came in. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?

“I’d like to start over. I’d still like for us to be a couple.

” His eyes widen. “Potentially in the future, maybe.” I don’t downplay the hope in my voice.

I’m prepared to do anything. “I’ll play it anyway you want.

But I’m going to Italy, as you know…” He’s still in charge of my security and he knows where I’ll be, but I have to see where he takes that information.

“I think it’s a good idea to have the time apart. See how I feel when I come back. When you do.”

And my heart sinks. But he’s gauging my reactions to everything.

“I’d like to speak to you. Can I call? Will you pick up? We’ve had time apart. It’s been weeks, Jackson.” My voice is desperate, I’m not hiding how wretched I feel.

“I’m not sure of you, Carter. I don’t know if I trust you.

Regardless of how I feel about you, love you…

I have no time for liars, not in my personal life.

Not in my inner circle. We have a no lie pact.

However hard, we tell the truth. Rain or blow, the truth always.

And sometimes, believe me, it’s a hard life to lead.

Scrutiny at every turn. Everyone knowing your shit.

But I’d rather deal with that than be lied to. ”

He’s added me into the Greystone world. And I can't even be happy about it. As I might fail their tests.

I stand, bringing us virtually nose to nose.

“I understand. I’m sorry I never told you.

I don’t really have an excuse, only explanations.

I understand the trust thing. I’m usually on the shit end of it.

Someone breaking mine again, as you know.

To do that to you is one of the worst things I could have done.

But I love you, Jackson. Am in love with you. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you, baby.”

I turn and walk out of his office.

If only this were a movie, where the hero thinks for a beat then rushes out to grab the person he loves. Tells them it will all be alright, that they love them more than life itself.

But this is no movie. This is my life. I only act in the movies, not live them.