Page 25 of The Devil’s Detail (The Greystone Family: Greystone Brothers #2)

Carter

My mind is spinning. He’s been recording me. Everywhere. All the time. He’s seen me, warts and all. Although, to be honest, I’ve been living like a monk for a few months, so not much to see.

I know I wouldn’t have gotten out of tonight intact without him. I would have blown up. And nearly did when I saw that jackass come through the doors.

If Jackson hadn’t turned up with the cavalry, it might have been a different night.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding? It would have been a catastrophic night.

Either I would have decked Gary, or he’d have tried to kiss me. Or he would have tried to kiss me, and then I would have decked him. I could tell he was eyeing me up. Looking down at his own cock, and then up at me. The man is as mad as a wet hen if he thinks I am even remotely interested in him.

Unfortunately, I am interested in someone much closer to home. In fact, so close I can touch him, right here and now.

I’m like a lovesick teenager. Thinking about it, the reason I haven’t been doing as I’m told is that I want him to be near.

If things are bad, he comes to my rescue.

If things are good, I get Ash looking after me.

I know I can’t have Jackson on a daily basis, he runs the company, not a security detail.

But if the shit is hitting the fan, he steps in to help.

And I’ve been playing this game for months now.

I feel a teeny tiny bit bad that I’m using my high-profile status to get attention from him.

I’m an A-list Hollywood actor, sugar. Get your ass over here and sort me out.

I keep doing shit to get near him. But I know I have to stop or he’ll dump me for good.

He will pull the plug on his company's contract. He won’t give a shit if it costs him money.

He isn’t worried about the money. That much is obvious.

He knows his worth, his value. But that is entirely different from money.

A fate far worse than him dumping me as a client? I’ll end up pissing the Greystones off. The whole family. Because if one falls out with you, they all do.

I love having them in my life too much to let them go. The new baby is the cutest. I fell totally in love with her in Scotland. Well, shit, I think I fell in love full stop in Scotland. I really don’t want them to abandon me now.

Tonight totally threw me, though. How James and Bucky came to my rescue.

Then James, whispering in my ear that he knows what I’m doing.

Knows I want Jackson, and to stop treating him badly.

He said Jackson cares about me. That little shit basically told me off, throwing in my face that I’m taking advantage of the situation.

So, what to do next?

I want to go home. But I want this amazing man with me.

I want him to come home and be part of my life, my family, not just my entourage of paid employees.

How the hell am I going to manage it? Move him from security to lover.

I don’t even know if he would want a full-time relationship with a man.

But I live in hope. A man can dream, and boy do I dream.

“Carter, do you want to sack the men, or am I doing it?”

Jackson brings me back to the present, and out of my head, the fantasy dashed on the rocks of reality.

It would never work, anyway. He doesn’t want it.

His words are sharp, and his tone tells me everything I need to know loud and clear: You are business only, your security the only thing that matters, full stop.

“Can you do it? I’ve had enough theatrics for one night. I hear what you’re saying. Do you really think that’ll be the end, though? If Gary is gone? Do we still have to contend with the others?”

“No, I think Gary was playing both sides of the fence. Looks like he somehow convinced them you wanted them to show you how good they were. So they invented as much hassle as they could to showcase how bad I was at security, and how good they actually were. Delusional. But when massive amounts of money are involved, people take leave of their senses.”

“I don’t want them back. I like the fact that you’re here. I know you have my best interests at heart. Jackson, I trust you. I trust you to keep me safe, and look after me. I hate making the decisions about everything, it’s such hard work.”

My heart starts to beat faster as I look into his gorgeous face.

If only he wanted me in other ways. I can’t help myself, so I add, “I’m happy to keep my domineering tendencies to the bedroom.

I’m always happy to be in charge in there.

But out here, no. You tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it. ” I bat my lashes at him and pout.

He rolls his eyes. Clearly he thinks I’m a joke. “Ash is looking after you. Are you still okay with him?”

Of course. He’s only got one thing on his mind—security.

“Well, I prefer you.” I lick my lips, and… Fuck. I really need to stop. At this rate, he’ll sue me for sexual harassment.

“I run the company, you know this. I’ll always help you, Carter, but not on a day to day basis.

It’s just not feasible for me. If you don’t want that, then say so.

But Ash is your man, and the team I put together for you is a great one.

So experienced. Just let us know what you’re doing, and we can always help. ”

Gawd he’s gone all serious on me. All security man. Practically patting my head like a good little boy, and totally downplaying my serious flirting efforts. Clearly he doesn’t believe me, or take me seriously. Or maybe he’s just not that into me.

“No, Ash is fine, the guys are fine.” I try not to sound disappointed, but I am—about him, not them. “I won’t go off half-cocked anymore. I’ll do as I’m told.” I cross my heart and look at him with puppy dog eyes.

His smirk grows into a full-on grin. “Well, I’m glad we got there eventually. I really didn’t want to have to lasso you and start to handcuff you to your bed.”

Jackson's eyes glow, his smile lighting up my world. The image of him tied to a bed flows into my mind like water. And the peace I feel when those images are there is unbelievable. If only they’d be a regular reality instead of a dream.

I’m the model client. Never has a celebrity client done as he’s told as much as I have. I follow my schedules. I smile, wave, talk, act, hit every mark I’m asked to. I shine bright in the doing-as-I’m-told world.

But my heart is shrivelling, and my soul is dying. Everything that makes me Carter Maywood is sinking into black, white, and grey. Colours I never wear a lot of. I’m a peacock, a man who lives for colour. In life and love.

“Carter, are you okay?” Ash is yet again staring into my eyes in concern. “Do you want to stop for a coffee? There’s that little cafe up the road you like.” I can see him trying to figure out what’s going on. We both look unhappy, and it’s been going on for weeks.

“Naw, just take me home. We have coffee there, you know.”

I try to grin, but he just looks more and more worried.

He knows it’s not about the coffee—it’s about the human contact, the connections.

But I’m trying to behave. In fact I know I have been.

Because I haven’t seen Jackson in what feels like forever.

But Ash’s job is security, so I’m not really sure what his problem is.

The weeks roll by. I’ve noticed that the Greystones, Barclays, and Russells are calling me on a weekly basis.

Marcus, Xander, James, Bucky, Jonno, Evie…

everyone but the babies. Although I do get to see them in the arms of their parents, so that helps.

A little. When Marshall calls me, I know they’re worried about me.

But nothing any of them can do will help.

Well, one of them can help me.

He’s started to drop in unexpectedly. Ducking in for a few minutes here and there then leaving.

But while he’s here, it’s as if all the data is being assimilated.

Watching me, weighing me with his eyes, so dark brown, they’re almost black.

If it wasn’t for the caramel flecks, they’d look dead.

But I still feel like I could fall into them and never get out. I wouldn’t want to.

I need to tell him. I need to make my feelings known. If he tells me no, then fair enough. At least I would have asked. I’m normally more up front, normally way out there, shouting it from the rooftops. ‘Look at me, my beautiful brown-eyed boy. See me. I want to spend all my time with you.’

Every time he pops up, my brain turns to mush. My speech becomes erratic. My flirting ramps up to epic proportions. His eyes roll to match it.

The worst thing? My cock is hard after every visit. It’s the only time it gets hard. Even when I’m flirting with some of the best looking actors on the planet, some who even flirt back—Nothing. Not a damn thing.

I considered going to the doctor. Pills may be required. I’m only thirty-six, how can I have an issue? But I know it’s not that. It’s him. He is the only one who can help. God, I want him. Only him.

His kind, considerate voice comes at me as he walks through a door onto a set I’m waiting to go on to. “Carter, good to see you. All okay?”

It’s his standard greeting. But I see the eyes boring into mine. His amazing brain computing the data. It’s become a bit of a routine.

“I’m good, sugar. All okay out there?”

I give him my obligatory response, wafting my hand towards the doors. But he keeps asking me.

I can see the other questions silently coming at me. ‘What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? What the fuck is wrong, man?’

I see him and Ash discussing me. “Don’t let him lie to you, honey.

I’m behaving. Never went off to a diner the other day.

Stayed home. All quiet on the Carter front.

” I try to enthuse my voice with flirty sarcasm.

My standard fare. But even that falls flat.

And I watch as they both look at each other.

I might be behaving, but they know I’m not okay. I am not fooling these two.

And they’re right. For the first time in my adult life, my soul is dying, and I don’t know how to stop it on my own.

Or resurrect the pieces that are already gone.

I feel adrift, at sea, unable to go forward.

And I know there’s no turning back either.

The genie is well and truly out of the bottle.

The one man who could heal me, love me, doesn’t want me.

Doesn’t love me. But I’m helpless to not love him.