Page 32 of The Devil’s Detail (The Greystone Family: Greystone Brothers #2)

“Yeah, but to be fair, you don't know that. What if we get to it, and you don’t want it. You decide I’m not the man you think I am. What then, Carter? After I’ve paraded around fucking town, as your boyfriend, for you to say my ball sack is saggy and my clothes are shit, so it’s a no from you.”

His eyebrows are up near his hairline, and I can see his mind spinning out of control. The paps, London, the school in LA, the restaurant… And, classic, the picnic.

I try to hide the obvious disappointment that is now pouring out of me. “I won’t. Trust me, I’ve thought about it. Hell, man, I dream about it. Have for fuckin’ months.” I try to lighten the tension and blurt out, “But just so you know, I’m always toppin’, baby.”

He snorts a laugh at that. “In your fucking dreams, Carter.” His eyes are boring into mine, and I can hardly breathe.

“Yeah, sugar, you are. And I’m definitely toppin’.”

I go to move towards him, but check myself before I can fully embarrass us both.

He scrubs his hands down his face, and runs his finger through his hair.

It’s a mess, a gorgeous chocolate cake mixture mess.

I want to pull it together, let my tongue follow down his face where that hand just travelled.

Down his chest. My eyes must be moving downwards, as he coughs, giving me a knowing look, and brings me back to reality.

“What about when you move on?” Fuck, he’s done me and left me.

“What then? I’m in fucking security. Everyone will have a field day.

Oh look, here comes Carter Fucking Maywood’s boyfriend.

Dumped boyfriend. Couldn’t even hold down an actor.

Shit, I don’t even know if I’m gay.” His voice has started to rise and it’s making the hairs stand up on my arms, and it’s not a positive vibe.

“Do you have to know? Have you been with a man? I heard you had.”

He looks up sharply at that, surprise on his face. “Really? Who from?” Sharp and cold. Jesus. Fuck.

“It’s LA, honey. People talk. It was a while ago. But I thought I heard it. Have I got it all wrong then? These past few days, I thought you’d been flirtin’ with me, sugar.” Oh holy shit, just go for it now. No turning back.

He drops his head back, and not in a good way. Although his throat is revealed to me, and I’m salivating.

“I have,” he admits, turning those brown eyes on me.

They’ve changed, though. There’s a softness to them.

“Been flirting. And yes, I’ve been with men, but also women.

Usually it’s women.” He pauses and sighs.

“And to be honest, Carter, the fact that you are so high profile scares the shit out of me. We wouldn’t be able to have a ‘normal’ affair.

There’s nothing fucking normal about your life.

You live it out there. Warts and all. I would be shoved out into it with you.

When I really want to be in the shadows.

” I can see the panic in his eyes. Definitely should have stuck with the fuck.

“I won’t have a relationship in the shadows.

That’s not who I am. I scrambled out of the closet at fifteen, flag awaving.

I won’t be pushed back into it. But I would try my damnedest to keep you away from the limelight.

I know it’s not what you want. To be honest, that’s part of why I want you.

If you want me, I know you’re doing it for me.

Not what I can give you in publicity. You work for me already.

Well, not you personally, but your company.

” I’m rambling like an open book now, imploring him to understand.

“Yeah, well that would have to stop,” he interrupts me.

“No it wouldn’t. Who says? Who makes that rule?

” My scowl is epic. No chance that’s happening.

“I do, you do. I can pay whoever the fuck I want to provide security for me. And I want Commsec International. The fact that you’ll be my boyfriend just means the guys you send will watch out for you, too.

Just as they do now.” I gentle my voice.

I’m not pleading yet, but I might get there.

“That will all be the same, you know that. Is it because you’re worried your colleagues will think you’re gay, and you don’t like that? ”

His expression changes from slightly anxious to furious in a nanosecond.

“I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s sexuality.

If they don’t want me to protect them or provide security services because I have a boyfriend, then fuck them.

Their fucking loss. I don’t put any labels on anyone.

My own sister has two husbands, for god’s sake. ”

The anger runs hot, and while someone else might be worried, I’m definitely not. Because all it’s doing is showing me how deep he is, how much he cares. And I love it.

“Well, what’s the problem then?” I add coolly.

“The whole fucking circus. The whole celebrity thing.” He’s waving his hands around animatedly.

“It’s a pain. I know you love it, but I don’t.

I see it from both sides, the good and the bad.

We’d be fighting for a private life. I know we shouldn’t have to, but we will.

And because it’s you, and me, it will be harsh in some circles.

Followed around, everyone trying to get ‘the shot’.

It’s relentless now. Paps at every corner.

It’s not a life I crave. It’s not a spot I want to fill.

” He looks down, his mind seemingly spun out into oblivion.

When he continues, his voice is softer, like his brain is still assimilating information it doesn’t like.

He even looks more subdued. “Do you want it to be just me, or are you ‘dating’ a few people, pick your day of the week? Because if you are, there’s no way I’m laying it all on the line for you to wander off with Tuesday’s boy. ”

He’s moved from frustrated with the system to annoyed at me. He’s lightning fast, his brain moving at warp speed, and I’m having a little trouble keeping up with it all.

And he calls me dramatic. Emotional. Well, seems Mr Man here is carrying some very heavy shit too. But that little distraction isn’t working on me. He’s afraid. I get it. Time to put that fear to rest.

“I want it to be just us. If you say yes, you will be my everyday guy. Every. Fuckin’.

Day. I’ve never done this, to be honest. I’ve always kept my options open.

But I know you wouldn’t like that, so that’s why I’m asking for us to date.

Just us.” My voice is a virtual growl, but my heart is banging in my chest. I want to reach out to touch the jaw that’s jutting out at me.

Run my fingertips along that pouty mouth. Even if it’s gonna say ‘no’.

His head is shaking side to side, an unconscious movement. His lips drawn in on each other. Well, fuck, it looks like a ‘no’.

“Would I have to go to events? You’ve got a few coming up.”

“If it’s appropriate, and you want to, I’d like you to come, yes.”

“So I’d be on full fucking display, holding hands with you in fucking public. Smiling at the cameras on the red carpet. Like fucking Gary.”

He’s annoyed, but he’s also being annoying. Mentioning Gary is low. But I hold fast and keep plowing on. I won’t go down without a fight.

“If you went to an event with a woman, would you hold her hand? I don’t see the difference.” Clearly he thinks there is one.

“Kell and Xan don’t feel the need to publicly display their love between each other. If you didn’t know otherwise, you’d never know they are all together.” He’s arguing with logic. Not a bad tactic. Clearly handholding and public displays of affection are an issue for him.

“That was an arrangement from way back. Their decision. That’s not me.

It’s not who I am. I’m a gay man, and I want a boyfriend who is proud to be with me, not hiding in the fuckin’ shadows in case someone says somethin’ to him.

” This is something I am fully confident in.

I will not do that, and he needs to know.

“It’s not that, Carter. I’m not bothered by what anyone will say. It’s the tearing down of people. Look what’s happened to Gary. Fair enough, the man’s a moron, but he’s been dragged through the mud.”

Jeez, he’s back to using Gary now.

“He was slingin’ the mud, sugar. If you can’t take it, don't dish it. Gary wanted to be famous, he wanted everything. He didn’t like it when that faded for him.

You are not in that position, Jackson. It’s totally different.

Like comparing a Hyundai to a Ferrari.” I sigh, I feel like we’re going around in circles.

And there are no winners down that road.

“So are you sayin’ no just because I’m an actor?

And a fuckin’ good one. You’re sayin’ no, because of my job. ”

He sits across the table looking at me. His eyes burning into mine. His intensity is fuckin’ electrifying. Plug me in sugar, and turn that dial up to eleven.

“No, I’m not saying no. I’m saying I need to think about it. It’s a lot. You’re asking a lot, for the promise of things unknown.”

He looks grumpy now, and I think it’s adorable. My grumpy bear. But I’m still trying to cajole him.

“I’m hardly an unknown.” I roll my eyes as if I’m offended, touching my chest dramatically.

Then I point to him. “You know me, Jackson. Hell, we’ve done yoga together.

You get to know people when you do yoga with them.

You know the shape of my ass cheeks better than I do.

And I certainly know yours. I’ve stared at ‘em enough.”

Thank fuck he grins at me, his beautiful lips turning upwards into a full-on smile. My breath stutters. And if he carries on doing that, I might say fuck it to the date. Let’s just seriously fuck.

But it’s a road I've been down before. It’s well-travelled. And I want more.

My momma always said I was a princess, and she was always right. Now I’m looking for my prince, and he’s sitting at my table having dinner with me. I’ve had the horror story, slain the dragon. Now, I want the fairy tale.