Page 15

Chapter

Fifteen

As I sipped my morning coffee, I waited for the internet to connect. I finished my oatmeal by the time my inbox opened. No messages from Logan.

It stung less than usual, and that only slathered on another layer of worry. I was losing it. I’d been on my own for three weeks, and I was going bat-shit crazy.

I filled my clean water bottle, grabbed my violin, and headed out to rehearsal. It was fine. I wasn’t going to implode my life because of some momentary psychological crisis.

I could open up to Logan, couldn’t I? Maybe that was why I needed to go through all of this. So I could figure out why I was holding us back.

The familiar smell of old wood and sheet music filled my nose as I entered the hall. Lily waved at me from her spot, her usual perky self. "How was your weekend?"

I plastered on a smile. "I spent it with Maddie."

Caleb scoffed. "You’re not going to even mention our moment in the practice hall?"

“Ah, yes. Caleb and I had an intense conversation about picking up women outside my practice room.”

“Way to out me,” he muttered.

Lily told me about a new-to-her restaurant downtown as we rosined our bows and tuned our instruments. For a minute, I almost felt normal. Then, as Ms. Franck strode to the podium and raised her baton, I focused on the one thing I currently had control over.

As we launched into a sprightly rendition of "Sleigh Ride," I let muscle memory take over, my fingers dancing across the fingerboard. Franck stopped us halfway through and took a moment to correct the woodwinds.

Caleb leaned over. “Another Nintendo night this week?”

I blinked. Right. Nintendo. We’d done that together. My walk home had almost completely erased the fun earlier that night. Rob showing up out of nowhere. His hands on my shoulders. I swear, if he touched you, I’ll kill him, Shar.

I shivered. “Hmm. Yeah. Maybe not this week, but raincheck?” Caleb looked satisfied with that response.

While most of the events of that night made me squirm, there was one thing that jumped to my memory. Lily. What had she said on the walk home? Something about fighting for my chance at first chair?

Own it . . . Franck likes people who know what they want.

The rest of the hour passed in a blur of Christmas carols. As the final notes of "Silent Night" faded away, my hands grew clammy. Own it? How the hell was I supposed to own it? It would’ve been nice if Lily gave me some sort of instruction manual.

My heart battered against my ribcage, and I jumped up from my chair before I knew what I was going to do next. Ms. Franck cut an imposing figure as she gathered her scores with her severe black bob and sharp features.

Squaring my shoulders, I marched up to the podium before I could lose my nerve. "Ms. Franck?" My voice came out embarrassingly squeaky. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I was wondering what I could do to be considered for first chair next year. After Lily graduates."

She looked up, her piercing blue eyes seeming to see straight through me. "Ah.” She took me in, appraising. “I appreciate your initiative.” She reached into her briefcase and pulled out a black folder, opened it, then licked her finger and scrolled through the papers inside. “Here. Prepare this and play for me on Wednesday. Eight-fifteen on stage.”

Relief crashed over me in a wave. I took the paper from her. "Okay. Perfect, thank you."

I practically floated back to my seat and packed up my violin with shaking hands. Caleb and Lily were waiting for me by the door, twin expressions of curiosity on their faces.

"What was that about?" Caleb asked as we made our way to the open study area.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face. "I asked Ms. Franck what I could do to be considered for first chair next year.”

Lily's eyes widened. "It’s about time." She pulled me into a quick hug, her lavender perfume enveloping me. “Did she give you anything?”

I nodded, showing her the score. Lily grinned. “I played the same thing. It’s tough. I think she likes it because of these intervals at the end.”

We claimed our usual spot, a cluster of overstuffed armchairs tucked into a corner. I pulled out my music theory homework, determined to focus despite the butterflies in my stomach. I was just getting into the groove, scribbling away at chord progressions when a shock of pink near the entrance made me look up.

"There she is!" Crystal's hair was like a beacon as she zeroed in on me. She and Maddie rushed over.

"Shar, we need to go. Now." Crystal’s smile was manic.

I blinked at them, confused. "What? Why? Is everything okay?"

"No time to explain." Crystal grabbed my arm, hauling me to my feet. "Just trust us, okay?"

Bewildered, I shoved my papers into my backpack, barely zipping it closed before they were dragging me toward the door. Outside, crystalline flakes drifted from the steely sky, dusting the campus like powdered sugar.

"Crystal, what?—"

"Shh, I have the most amazing surprise!" Crystal cut me off, bouncing on her toes. "You guys are going to die!"

"Dead." Maddie mimed a stake to the heart. “Spit it out before we freeze to death out here."

"Okay, okay, so you know my roommate Jenna? Her friend works at that beauty school a few blocks from South Campus, and they had a bunch of cancellations. Guess who scored us free facials for the next hour and a half?" Crystal sing-songed.

"Shut up!" I squealed. Spa treatments were not in my budget, so this felt like an early Christmas.

"Yes, please.” Maddie beamed at her.

We rushed along the sidewalk, the towers of South Campus rising around us—stately brick buildings that had been standing there since before our parents were born. I had class later, but for now, all thoughts of school flitted away, replaced by visions of creamy masks and aromatherapy. Maybe this is just what I needed. To be a little irresponsible. I still had tonight and all day tomorrow to prepare for Wednesday.

Crystal tugged her coat tighter around her as we walked, her breath puffing in frosty clouds. "I can’t wait to be done with finals. Just a few more days and then it’s nothing but powdery slopes and hot cocoa."

I laughed. "You’re starting to sound like a travel commercial."

"Hey, my parents booked the chalet," she shot back with a grin. "Fireplace, mountain views . . . it’s basically a Hallmark movie waiting to happen."

"Maybe you’ll meet a handsome guy on ski patrol,” Maddie said in a husky voice. "I’ll be soaking up the sun in Hawaii while you’re freezing on the slopes. No snow gear required."

Crystal gasped in mock outrage. "Yeah, Shar, you think I’m living a dream?” She turned to Maddie. “You better send me a postcard—or at least the ass of a hot surfer."

“His actual ass?” Maddie grinned.

“A picture!” Crystal said over her.

I snorted. "Well, I know you’re both jealous that I’ll be at home. Just me, my cat, my sister and parents. Lots of Blockbuster visits for cheesy romcoms."

"That sounds kind of amazing," Maddie admitted. "No airports, no schedules. Just peace and quiet."

"Parental judgement, childhood bedrooms,” I deadpanned. "I’m going to bake cookies, wear fuzzy socks, and ignore humanity for two solid weeks."

Crystal smirked. "Careful, you might relax too much and forget how to be stressed."

"One can only hope.”

_____

The spa smelled like flowers and teenage sleepovers, that mix of nail polish and hair products. This was a school, so there weren’t cushy arm chairs and fluffy towels, but we didn’t care in the least. Factory line facials? As Maddie said, yes, please.

Crystal found Jenna, and they ushered us in. We settled onto massage tables next to each other and were treated to steaming towels around our necks as slow Zen chords played from the speakers. The aesthetician cleansed my face with a solution on a cotton pad, then slathered a cool mask over my face, tingly and soothing all at once.

The calm seeped down to my bones, languid and soft as honey. If only I could bottle this feeling and carry it with me. But for now, I let myself drift. Let the eucalyptus-scented steam blur the edges of my worries until they floated up and away.

The mask hardened, making me feel like my skin was going to crack, and as the aesthetician wiped it away, I felt shiny and new. She prompted me to sit, and I turned to find that Crystal and Maddie looked dewy and content.

“I’m the best, right?” Crystal held out her hands, and Maddie and I nodded our approval.

We floated out of the spa on a cloud of bliss and walked back to the north side of campus. After thanking Crystal profusely, I detoured to the cafeteria, snagging a slightly wilted salad that had seen better days and an iced tea. I ate quickly, then headed across the square. The library beckoned. I needed to study past quizzes before my music harmony free write.

But first, email. The computers glowed in invitation, and I plopped down at a free one, the plasticky seat squealing in protest. I jabbed at the power button, drumming my fingers as the screen flickered to life, and I signed in with my student ID.

I blinked at Logan’s name at the top of my inbox, the subject line screaming, "YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!"

I clicked.

Sharla holy shit you'll never guess who I just met at training camp only JARED HALL can you believe? He's like a literal legend scouts are basically drooling over him says he might put in a good word for me with some of his NHL buddies if I keep killing it out here not to brag but coach says I'm 'really impressing' him with my work ethic and natural talent so ya know not to big of a deal or anything

I pieced together the sentences despite his lack of punctuation and grinned from ear to ear. That was amazing news, and I was so proud of him. He'd worked his ass off to get here, and if anyone deserved a shot at the big leagues, it was him.

That’s incredible! SO happy for you, babe!

My fingers hovered over the keys. What next? More gushing? That was what he would want, undoubtedly. And what else could I say, really?

Over here things are pretty same old same old. I’m still hunting down first chair in the orchestra, ooh! And I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. I almost got assaulted in the square and Rob came to my rescue. Also, funny story, I thought you were washing my water bottle for me these past months but it was actually him. For no reason. He held me one night when I was having a panic attack, and now I can’t stop thinking about that either, especially since I haven’t ever let you do something like that. I spent the weekend with my friend so I didn’t have to look him in the eyes. Phew! Looks like we’re both having a great week!

I stared at the screen, hypnotized by my blinking cursor. My fingers started typing.

I knew you’d take the hockey world by storm! I’ll be cheering you on from home! Keep sending me updates!

So. Many. Exclamation points.

I hit send, hoping the swooping in my stomach was because of the questionable salad.

An hour later, I emerged from the library in a daze, chords and intervals swirling in my head. I attended my class, finished my free write early, and made my way back to the townhouse on autopilot, ready to collapse into bed and not think for the next twelve hours.

But when I swung the door open, I froze. There was Rob, lounging on the couch like some kind of off-duty model, his hair all artfully tousled.

Right. Exactly what I’d been actively avoiding.

He glanced up as I walked in, lips twitching. "You’re not dead."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the traitorous flutter in my stomach. "Disappointed?”

Rob didn’t move, just watched me as I took off my shoes and hung my coat. “You stayed with Maddie all weekend?”

I pretended to fix something on my bag. “Yeah. Did you guys have a game?” I knew they didn’t, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say, and it felt important to make him think I wasn’t thinking about him or his team all weekend. Since the opposite was most definitely true.

I glanced up as I passed through the kitchen and living area. How, in one split second, did my brain register the way his t-shirt clung to his shoulders and the sinewy muscles of his forearms as he gripped the TV remote?

I nodded once and escaped to my room before I could do something idiotic like run my fingers through that perfect mess of hair or trace the angle of his jawline with my tongue. I wouldn’t do it. But the fact that it crossed my mind sent my heart into palpitations.

Violin. That's what I needed. It was only seven, so the neighbors wouldn’t get pissy if I played. I reached for my case and?—

Wait. Where was my case? I always left it tucked into the corner, but now there was only empty space staring back at me.

Daaamn it. Normally I brought my violin home in the afternoon before class, so it hadn’t even registered that I didn’t have it.

I backtracked, retracing my day and landed on my answer. Crystal dragging me and Maddie out of the arts center, giddy with excitement over our impromptu spa day. I'd been so distracted that I must have left my violin under the table.

Panic propelled me out of my room and into the kitchen. Rob stood at the counter making a cup of coffee. Work. Right. He was about to head out for his night shift.

"Hey." He leaned against the counter, his brow furrowing. He didn’t have to ask what was wrong, his concern was written all over his face.

I ignored the flutter in my stomach. "My violin. I left it at the arts center, and I need it for my audition on Wednesday."

His jaw worked. “The building’s closed.”

I’d been preparing to explain that fact. “There’s not a show tonight.” I paced, rubbing my temples. “I could go over. Maybe there’s someone—” I turned back to him. “On the janitorial staff.”

This wasn’t literal life or death. I knew that. I had tomorrow to practice, but I also understood that brains synthesized music better overnight. If I only had one day, I wouldn’t feel as prepared. That felt like enough of an emergency to me.

Rob wet his lips, his thumb dragging over the counter’s edge. “I’m assigned to the GRB.”

The science building. “But you have a key?”

“I do.”

My heart sped in my chest. “But?” His eyes flicked down, then back up to mine. “Rob?—”

“Help me with my shift.” His jaw ticked, his hand now clenching the countertop. I opened my mouth and closed it. “I have a conditioning assessment tomorrow and a physics exam. If we work together, we could be done by eleven or so. Then we can go get your violin.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you blackmailing me?”

He blew out a breath. “I’m . . . asking a favour.”

Something in my chest flipped. His shoulders were tight, his breathing quick. Rob was stressed. I’d been so focused on myself when I walked in, I hadn’t noticed.

“Yeah, okay. Just let me change.”

“Wear something you don’t mind getting piss on.”

I flipped him off and strode to my bedroom.