Page 29 of The Book of Luke

“Well, some things fell through the cracks.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. This was new territory for me. Unlike Barnes, I’d rarely spent any time with younger gay guys. “It’s funny, when I was on this show, there were two gay people, max. I mean, who were out…” I trailed off, saying more than I intended as I strained to reach my back with the towel. “I guess I wasn’t prepared for so much to be different. And I dramatically underestimated how people might feel about me being here.”

“I get it. It’s hard when people think they know you. Oh, um, you missed some spots.” Before I could object, he was dabbing the towel down my spine.

An awkward silence followed, the room made tighter by two shirtless men, and I could only blurt out, “Well, this looks like a porn.”

“At least two of the ones I did,” he said, and I laughed. “I actually wasn’t joking.Altar Boys 1andAltar Boys 2: The Second Cumming. My personal fave.”

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea—”

“No, it’s refreshing honestly. Most gay men recognize Grover Ruffman, and more straight ones than you’d think.”

“Grover was your…?”

“Nom de porn.” He winked before his expression darkened. “I just assumed you’d heard all about me from Greta.”

I scoffed. “I haven’t spoken to Greta since 2007.”

“She said you talked all the time. We, uh, used to be close.”

“My husband calls her every couple of months, but I barely talk to anyone. Least of all Greta.” I realized what I’d done yet again. “Sorry, my ex-husband.”

Troy entered then, mid-yawn and laptop in hand. “Ready to phone home, ET?”

“I’ll leave you to it,” Shawn said, then stopped, pulling from his pocket a tarnished key, hot-glued to a snapped popsicle stick. “Sorry, forgot I found this on the floor.”

I gazed at the old spare house key Andie had affixed to her frame, suddenly so foreign in my palm, an artifact from a lost civilization. “Thanks,” I called, but he’d already gone.

Troy eyed my bare torso curiously. “Don’t you want that shirt, bud?”

I sighed, making excuses about how flustered I was after the travel, the snakes, the margarita mix. And I was. By this new environment, by the cast, by unpredictable generosities that came from nowhere. If I’d had a clearer mind, I might have articulated it better. I also might have seen the red recording light of the confessional camera had been on the whole time I’d been with Shawn. But right now, I could only smile as Wallace’s beaming face stared back from Troy’s laptop. Over his shoulder, Andie waved grudgingly, but her eyes undeniably brightened at the sight of me, and instantly I knew who I was again, my awful day worth everymiserable second. “Well, look at that. It’s the most perfect children in the world.”

I left the confessional bleary-eyed but somewhat restored, even just fifteen minutes with the kids enough to raise me from the pit I’d already stumbled into. I padded through the empty living room, the crew still cleaning up the debris from Vanessa’s tantrum. As I approached the stairs, PB darted through the front door looking even more drained than I did. Outside I saw Vanessa smoking, bathed in a van’s red taillights.

“Did they decide if you can stay?” I asked, joining her.

She laughed ruefully. “Flying to JFK tomorrow. Zara’s just finding me a hotel.”

“I’m sorry. I mean, you didn’t actually touch anybody.”

“Thistime. Legal says I’m a ‘proven insurance liability.’ I leave of my own free will tonight, or they ban me forever. Plus, Chrissy and Greta threatened to quit.”

“Like they would. That’s so unfair.”

“I don’t need your fucking pity,” she replied. “Kidding. Didn’t you hear? I’m crazy.”

I was actually going to miss her. Vanessa was a train wreck, but what you saw was what you got. “You’re not as crazy as you want them to think. At least not when you’re sobered up.”

“Oh, he knows me now,” she muttered with a faint smile. “I heard Bal went nuclear. You okay? Believe it or not, I’m sincerely asking.”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” I sighed. “I’m trying to be?”

Troy passed by, barely even registering Vanessa. “Luke, time for bed.”

“Bye, Troy, love you, I hope you never reproduce,” she sang out before her attention returned to me. “PS, don’t think he cares about you. You’re just another ingredient.”

“Yeah, I got that once I saw my Devil uniform.”