Page 79 of The Biker and the Baker

Across the room, Onyx is down on one knee, a ring box snapped open. He’s saying words I can’t hear, whileshecovers her mouth in shock. A few seconds later, she nods vigorously, and he gets to his feet, picking her up in his arms, spinning her around.

No.

No.

This…this is wrong. Everything about this is wrong. My heart sprints at a pace too fast and too wild for me to keep up with. I’m hyperventilating. Someone’s pulling on me, dragging me, saying words that are drowned out by the blood rushing in my ears.

“I can’t—” I’m panting, gasping. “I can’t…”

“Breathe, Pia.” Mira. That’s Mira’s voice. “You have to breathe.”

Suddenly there’s chilly night air on my face, filling my lungs. The sounds of cars swooshing by, horns, voices.

Outside. I’m outside.

In a fight against my racing heart, I inhale deep lungsful of air.

“Is she alright?” Cookie. That’s Cookie’s voice.

“Mind your damn business, woman!” Mira. That’s Mira’s voice.

“She’s my employee—”

“Not right now she isn’t,” Kim snaps. “Leave us alone.”

On another deep breath, I turn around. Cookie stands just outside the entrance to the restaurant, genuine concern creasing her features. “N-Nhhho,” I wheeze out. “It’s over. It’s… really over. And it’s all my fault.”

~

“When you learned that Calvin was engaged and had a baby on the way,” Kyor asks, “how did you feel?”

“I felt a brief pang of jealousy. But I also knew it was time to let him go.”

“That’s a really mature reaction, compared to the one you described having after seeing Onyx’s proposal,” she points out.

I shrug.

“Do you want to talk aboutwhyyou think you reacted the way you did?”

I stare at the wall across the room for a full minute before replying, “Because…Because I knew that was it. He was gone.”

“How do you see it that way?” She cocks her head. “He’s merely declaratively—officially—unavailable. You’ve had an affair with a married man before.”

“Yeah, but that’s different. I wasn’t the only student he was cheating with. He didn’t love his wife and he would never be faithful to her.”

“So, knowing you weren’t singlehandedly destroying somethingrealremoved all guilt from your conscience?” she deduces.

“Right.”

“Okay.” She nods and scribbles in her notebook. “On ‘unofficial unavailability’: You slept with Calvin on and off for years, in spite of his many girlfriends. Did you ever get the urge to do the same with Onyx?”

“Never.”

“Do you want to say why you think that is, Pia?”

“Cal never stayed with any of his girls for more than a few weeks. No one was permanent—”

“Except for you.”