Page 59 of The Big Bad Duke (The Shadows #9)

T he carriage barreled down the cobblestone streets toward Gideon’s townhouse. Inside, Leila sat rigidly upright, her hands clenched in her lap as her mind raced with a thousand different scenarios of what she might say to him.

How dare you do exactly what I asked you not to and secure my and my brother’s future for the rest of our lives!

No, that didn’t sound right.

How dare you hide in your townhouse like a coward instead of speaking to me directly?

That was better.

How dare you not confess your love for me and demand I stay in London?

Now that was what she really wanted to say, though she knew she couldn’t.

“What are you going to say to him?” Emir asked, unknowingly pressing his thumb right into the open wound.

“I don’t know, Emir,” she replied softly.

“Are we going to stay in England then?”

“I don’t think so.”

“But doesn’t this mean he loves you? Don’t you love him too?”

These questions were too difficult for her to answer. Well, she knew the answer to one of them, at least. Yes, she loved Gideon—loved him with a fierce intensity that terrified her, loved him despite every rational reason why she shouldn’t.

As for the rest…

“Just because he gave me money doesn’t mean he loves me,” she said finally, voicing the fear that had gnawed at her since she’d opened that envelope.

“It seems like he does to me,” Emir replied with the confidence of youth.

Curious and wishing her little brother was right, Leila turned to look at him properly. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, because it’s not just about the money, is it?

” Emir settled back against the carriage seat.

“Think about it, Abla . He helped you save me when he could have walked away. He arranged passage out of England when he could have refused, keeping you here against your will. Then there’s this money.

He could have bought you a house with his name on the lease.

He could have furnished it perfectly, hiring his own cook and ordering you more clothes…

But that would tie you to him, make you dependent on his continued favor.

” He paused and gave a little shrug. “Instead, he’s giving you freedom.

Complete independence. You can go anywhere, do anything, and never need to see him again if you choose. In my opinion, freedom means love.”

Leila studied her younger brother with something approaching awe. “When did you become so wise?”

Emir’s impish grin broke the spell of his earlier seriousness. “Somewhere between when I was born and today, I assume. Unless today is a very special day and I’ve gained decades of wisdom in just the span of a few hours.”

Despite her anxiety, Leila found herself laughing.

“But why do you think I love him?” she asked, curious about his answer.

“Because you were sad that he hadn’t come to visit us these past few days,” Emir replied, ticking off points on his fingers.

“Because you perk up every time his name is mentioned, even if you haven’t been paying attention to the conversation before that moment.

Because you could have taken that letter from Mr. Barry and waited to open it until we were safely on the ship, as instructed, but you couldn’t wait even five minutes.

” He paused dramatically. “Or seconds. And because we could have gone straight to the docks to catch our ship, yet instead, we’re making a detour to his townhouse, and you don’t even know what you’re going to say to him. ”

Leila felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment at being so thoroughly understood by someone she still thought of as a baby. “You’re too clever for your own good,” she muttered.

The carriage came to a stop before Gideon’s townhouse. Though every fiber of her being wanted to leap out and storm into his home demanding answers, she forced herself to pause. This conversation might change everything. For her. For Gideon. For Emir.

She took a deep breath and turned to Emir once more. “Emir, I know I told you we were going home, and you seemed very excited about returning to Smyrna… but what if we stayed in England a little longer?”

Emir’s laugh was warm and knowing. “Because you love him,” he said, though his tone conveyed, “I knew it!”

Leila bit her lower lip. “Yes,” she admitted quietly. “Because I love him.”

“ Abla ,” Emir said gently, reaching across to take her hand.

“I was only three years old when we left Smyrna. I don’t really remember it as my home—not the way you do.

I wasn’t excited because we were going back to a place I remembered fondly.

” His voice grew softer and more serious.

“I was excited because I thought we could finally build our own home for the first time in decades. A place where we belonged, where we could be ourselves without fear.” He squeezed her fingers gently.

“But I don’t need to go to Smyrna to find my home.

You are my home, Abla . You always have been.

And if you tell me you’ll be happy here, then I will be happy too. ”

Tears pricked at Leila’s eyes as she pulled her brother into a fierce embrace. “I love you,” she whispered against his hair. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“Oh, I know,” he replied with characteristic confidence. “Now go get your duke.”

Leila stepped down from the carriage, her heart hammering with nervous anticipation. But as she approached the front door, her stomach dropped at the sight of two large traveling carriages stationed in the circular drive, both loaded high with trunks and household items covered in protective cloth.

Was Gideon leaving?

She walked through the open front door, which accommodated the stream of servants moving in and out with various items. Footmen were carrying boxes, and maids were covering furniture with white sheets.

“What’s going on?” she asked Mrs. Hill as the older woman descended the main staircase with an armful of linens.

“Miss Leila!” Mrs. Hill’s face lit up with genuine pleasure. “How lovely to see you here. I’m so glad things worked out well for you and your brother.”

“Thank you,” Leila replied, though her growing anxiety made it difficult to focus on pleasantries. She gently caught the woman’s arm. “But what is happening here? Why is everything being packed away?”

Mrs. Hill’s expression shifted to one of surprise. “Oh, hadn’t His Grace told you? Now that his mission is finished, we’re all returning to Wolverstone Court—his country estate. The townhouse is being closed for the season.”

Leila felt the blood drain from her face. “Where is Gideon—His Grace?”

The housekeeper’s expression shifted to one of distinct pity. “Oh, my dear, he took his personal trunks and departed some time ago. I believe he wanted to arrive ahead of the household staff.”

“How long ago?” Leila asked, unsure of what she would do with the information. Chase after him across the English countryside like some character from a Gothic novel?

Mrs. Hill swallowed. “Last night, my dear.”

The housekeeper’s words knocked her back on her heels.

He had left. She was too late.

More than that, she was forced to confront an uncomfortable truth: he had orchestrated all of this deliberately. The timing of the solicitor’s visit and his departure the night before—none of it was coincidence. He didn’t want her to confront him. He didn’t want to see her before she left England.

Very well. She would give him exactly what he wanted.

She returned to the carriage with as much dignity as she could muster, instructing the driver to take them directly to the docks.

“What happened?” Emir asked immediately, reading the defeat in her posture.

“He’d already left for his estate,” she replied, staring out the window at the passing London streets without really seeing them.

“So?” Emir’s tone suggested this was a minor obstacle. “We should go after him. How far could his estate be?”

“No,” Leila said firmly. “I can’t chase after a man who clearly doesn’t want to be found.

I love him—you were right about that. But perhaps you were wrong about his feelings for me.

If he truly loved me, he would have come to see me off or at least visited me beforehand to explain his plans.

He didn’t want to see me. He made that clear. ”

Perhaps she was also wrong about his feelings, and the money was merely a payment for her services.

The bitter thought left a venomous taste in her mouth.

The journey to the docks passed in heavy silence, both siblings lost in their own thoughts.

The London harbor was an assault on the senses—the foul tang of the Thames, the cacophony of sailors shouting orders, the creak of rigging, and the splash of waves against hulls. Ships of all sizes crowded the waterfront, their masts creating a forest of wood and rope against the gray sky.

Passengers were already boarding the ship that would take them across the Mediterranean.

But as the final call for passengers echoed across the dock, Leila found herself frozen in place. Her feet simply would not carry her up the gangplank. She stood there, staring at the ship that would take her away from England—away from him —while Emir studied her with curious but patient eyes.

“Are you boarding the ship or not?”

The voice that came from directly behind her wasn’t Emir’s. It was low and deep, smooth and sweet, like honey.

Leila whirled around so quickly that she nearly lost her balance.

There, standing among his own collection of travel trunks, was Gideon.

His silver hair was slightly disheveled from travel, his usually perfect cravat askew, and there was something different in his expression—a vulnerability she had never seen before.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, her heart hammering so hard she was sure he could hear it.

“I was thinking of going to Smyrna,” he said, his tone casual. “But if you’re staying in England, I might just change my mind as well.”

“What?” The question came out as barely a whisper.

Gideon ran a hand through his hair. “I had loaded my carriage and was halfway to my estate when I realized something rather important. I don’t actually want to go there.”

Leila blinked in surprise.

“I have nothing holding me in England anymore—no mission, no purpose, no reason to remain.” He paused, meeting her eyes directly. “I’ve survived for so long, mission after mission, one day after another, that I forgot what it’s like to live.”

“What are you saying?” Leila asked, though her heart began to race with hope she was afraid to acknowledge.

“I’ve been thinking about everything that’s happened, everything I’ve lost and gained,” Gideon said, his words coming faster now, as if he feared she might disappear before he could finish.

“My revenge is over. My mission is accomplished. And honestly, I never expected to survive it. But now that I have, I find myself facing a choice I never thought I’d encounter again.

” He took a step closer. “I want to live again.”

“And what does that mean to you?” she asked softly. “Living?”

“Being in love,” he said without hesitation. “Marrying the woman I am madly, desperately, completely in love with. Accompanying her wherever she wants to go, even if that means leaving everything I’ve ever known behind.” His voice dropped to just above a whisper. “If she’ll have me.”

Leila felt tears spring to her eyes, but she forced herself to voice the practical objection that stood like a wall between them. “But you can’t just abandon everything. You’re a duke.”

“So what?” Gideon’s laugh was bitter yet somehow liberating.

“What has the dukedom ever given me but heartache? I can’t marry you here—our marriage would be illegitimate.

We can’t have legitimate children; they would never be acknowledged as my heirs.

I refuse to live in a society that would not accept you as my duchess.

” His expression hardened with resolve. “Let the Crown seize my title and lands eventually. They can find another duke who actually wants the burden.”

Leila stared at him in shock. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life,” he replied firmly.

“I did everything that was expected of me, Leila. I married for duty, and they killed my wife. I fathered children, and they killed them too. I served in the army and returned scarred in body and soul. I became The Shadow and lost everything that mattered to me.”

His voice grew stronger, more determined with each word. “Now, for the first time in my life, I want to live for myself. If that means giving up a title that has brought me nothing but pain, then so be it.”

“But… but… your tenants, your servants,” she protested.

“I have already arranged for it. I have distributed my wealth among my servants. I have delegated the management of my entailed estates to my most trusted managers. The rest I have already sold. I am free of that burden. Free to follow my heart. To be with the woman I love.”

“You love me…” she whispered in wonder, more a statement than a question.

Gideon’s expression softened into something tender and amused.

“Do you even question this? Of course I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you in that ballroom, pretending to be someone you weren’t while being more yourself than anyone else in the room.

” He reached out to cup her face gently in his hands.

“Now please, tell me you’ll accept me as I am—bare of titles and half my fortune, with nothing but my heart to offer you. ”

Through her tears, Leila smiled widely. “Of course,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I could never refuse my Bozkurt . Because I love you too.”

Gideon’s answering smile was like rain after a long drought.

As he lifted her off her feet and spun her around on the dock, Leila caught sight of Emir watching them with a satisfied grin.

“I told you he loved you,” her brother called out cheerfully.