Page 41 of The Big Bad Duke (The Shadows #9)

“Better?” she asked, meeting his eyes.

“Much,” he admitted. “Thank you.”

Then she brought him the nightshirt and helped him into it, being careful not to jar his injured ribs.

“Rest now,” she said softly. “I’m going to clean myself up.”

She took her own clothing—the simple shift she’d selected from the trunk—and retreated to the dressing chamber. It took her a while to empty the bath and fill it with clean, warm water.

But she relished lying in the bath before cleaning herself properly.

She had even fallen asleep in it a couple of times.

Once she cleaned herself, she folded all their bloodstained clothes and set them aside. They would need to be washed or burned—she hadn’t decided which yet.

The shift that had once belonged to some unknown woman felt strange against her skin, but it was clean, soft, and faintly smelled of dried roses.

When she returned to the bedroom, she found Gideon propped up against the pillows. He wasn’t sleeping.

She lay beside him on the bed, allowing her head to sink into the soft pillow as she moaned in pleasure. She hadn’t felt this comfort in days.

“How do you know about this place?” she asked, her eyes closed.

He hesitated before answering, and when he spoke, she understood why. “This is the house of a criminal,” he said. “I set him up for murders I committed to throw people off my trail.”

Leila opened her eyes in shock and turned to him. Whatever she’d expected him to say, it wasn’t that.

“What? Were you under the impression that I am an honorable man?” His tone was self-deprecating.

“Honorable enough not to harm innocent people,” she said carefully.

“He was far from innocent,” Gideon huffed, shifting in bed to make himself more comfortable.

“I told you, he was a criminal. One of the worst. I don’t feel bad for what I did.

Besides, he escaped, just as I predicted he would.

He has friends in high places, and he’s as wily as they come.

I was watching this tower for his return, just in case he came back. But he didn’t.

“His servants emptied this place as much as they could and left. It’s been bare for months now. I don’t think anyone will be returning here. But I noticed that no one else has come across it, either. No one watches it aside from me. It’s safe.”

“The Brotherhood might find it eventually,” she voiced her fear.

“Perhaps,” he acknowledged. “But not anytime soon. We have a few days, maybe more. And if they do come, they’ll have a hell of a time trying to break in here.

The windows are too narrow to fit a grown man.

The door downstairs is heavy oak reinforced with iron.

The walls are solid stone, built to last.”

A miniature fortress.

“And there’s a small tunnel leading to the clearing,” Gideon added. “We’ll be able to escape if we need to. We can stay here for a little while—to recuperate, tend to our wounds properly, eat real food, and sleep in a real bed.”

At the mention of food, Leila heard her stomach growling, but she felt too tired and comfortable in bed to get up.

She felt the bed dip and opened her eyes to see Gideon sitting up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll bring us some food. I can tell you’re hungry.”

“No, I can—” Leila hastened to sit up, but he placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Rest. You’ve done enough. Let me take care of you just this once.”

“You are hurt. I am not,” Leila protested, but Gideon stood and walked to the spiral staircase.

Reluctantly, Leila lowered her head back to the pillow. “But if you fall down, don’t expect me to rush to your aid,” she joked. He let out a chuckle, followed by a cough.

She loved that he laughed more, but she hated that it hurt him.

Fortunately, Gideon didn’t fall, nor did he seem like a walking corpse anymore. His steps were sure, if measured, and he appeared to have regained some energy.

Gideon returned with several pieces of toasted bread, aged cheese, a variety of cured meats, and two cups of hot tea.

A proper meal.

He settled beside her while Leila began breaking off small pieces of bread and cheese, offering them to him.

“I can eat on my own,” he said, eyeing her offering suspiciously.

“I know you can,” she replied patiently. “But it’s better if you don’t take large bites right now. You need to eat slowly and let your stomach adjust gradually.” She smiled as he accepted the small pieces she offered. “I used to do this for Emir when he was little…”

But even as she said it, a wave of melancholy washed over her.

Where was he now? Was he safe? Was he even still alive? The Cardinal had promised he wouldn’t be harmed, but the Cardinal’s promises were worth less than dust.

“Do you know what happened to that woman who sold you?” Gideon asked suddenly. The change of subject seemed abrupt, though she could see the paths his mind had taken.

Leila shook her head. “I’ve never seen her since then. I haven’t been back to Smyrna since we were taken.”

“Do you ever think of her? Do you wish revenge upon her?”

“No,” she replied effortlessly. “I don’t live and breathe revenge. In a way, I’ve already forgiven her. Don’t get me wrong,” she added, noticing the baffled expression on his face. “I haven’t forgotten. But I don’t carry rage or hurt in my heart. I don’t wish ill will upon her.”

“I can do that for you,” Gideon offered, his casual tone suggesting he was entirely serious. Revenge was something familiar to him—perhaps too familiar.

“I don’t know if she acted out of malice or naivety—”

“Does it matter?” Gideon interrupted gruffly.

“I believe in my heart that Allah will punish her if that’s necessary,” she said. “He will deal with me, too, when my time comes.”

“How can you still believe in a merciful and all-powerful God if He doesn’t intervene when so many injustices continue?” Gideon asked, and she could hear genuine curiosity in his voice rather than mockery.

She tried to give him a more complete answer, one that made sense of the contradictions she grappled with daily.

“I think He is merciful in that, when our time comes and we stand before Him, He will forgive our smaller sins and grant us entry to paradise. I believe He is all-powerful because He created this imperfect existence and gave us free will to choose how to live our lives without His interference.

“I think He is all-seeing, aware of everything we’ve endured and every choice we’ve made.

For Him, a century is but a blink; a millennium is but a day.

Thus, He doesn’t interfere with every little event in this world.

He created us to make our own decisions…

” she paused. “And I believe He is very disappointed.”

“Is He merciful enough to forgive the Brotherhood?” Gideon’s voice turned sharp. “The men who killed my family, who kidnapped you, who raped you and held you hostage?”

She fell silent for a long moment, carefully considering her words.

“I do not dare to speak for Him,” she said finally. “There is also hell, and I hope they will answer for their sins when the time comes.”

Gideon scoffed, a bitter sound. “See, I don’t believe in God, heaven, or hell. That’s why it’s my duty to create hell for those people here on earth. If God is all-forgiving, then He can forgive them. I won’t.”

There was a beat of silence. “I thought you had to be religious to be a duke,” she said around a bite. “To be Anglican?”

He shrugged. “Everyone is religious here, and in a way, no one is. All those Brotherhood members are devoted churchgoers, just like I am. We have to be in order to hold the titles we do. In reality, you can count the people who truly believe on the palm of one hand.”

“You are saying all of you are hypocrites?” she asked with a light smile, but he contemplated her question with a serious, thoughtful expression.

“Perhaps not all of us. There are bound to be one or two who aren’t.”

Leila chuckled. “You see the world as a dark and hopeless place, don’t you?” she asked after a moment.

“And you don’t?” he replied, meeting her eyes with a look that seemed to see straight through her. “Even after all you’ve been through?”

“This world is broken,” she said slowly, working through her thoughts as she spoke.

“But if we accept that it is broken and decide it can’t be fixed, it truly will never be fixed.

If I believed the world to be a hopeless place, I would never have tried to leave the Cardinal.

I would have thought that life would be the same whether I was under his control or not.

And I don’t believe that,” she continued with growing conviction.

“I believe there is a possibility of a better life. For me. For you. For Emir.”

Gideon was quiet for a long moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was slow and tired.

“That’s a nice thought,” he said, slumping further under the weight of his weariness. “I don’t know if there’s a better life for me, but I promise you, we will find your little brother.”

“Are you beginning to trust me, then?” she asked.

“I believe you have a brother in peril,” he said simply. “I might be a fool for believing that, but I do. As long as you don’t lead me into another trap, we will find him.”

“No traps, I promise.” She found herself smiling. “But how will we find him?”

“I don’t know yet,” Gideon admitted. “But give me a few hours to rest and think. I’ll come up with something.”

Leila removed the tray between them and set it near the bed. A few hours of sleep would do him good, but it would take days for him to heal.

Gideon leaned against the pillows, his eyelids heavy. Leila settled next to him, her head resting near his arm. She wanted to be close to his warmth but was hesitant to touch him for fear it might hurt him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth right away,” she whispered. “I really wish I had.”

“Do you know you can trust me now, or do you simply have no choice?” he asked, his eyes now closed.

“I do trust you,” she replied after a brief hesitation. “And yes, I have no other choice—or at least no compelling choices. But even if I didn’t trust that you wanted to help me, I know you will make sure my brother is safe.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Because he is innocent,” she said simply.