Page 23 of The Beast’s Duchess (Duchesses of Inconvenience #1)

Chapter Nineteen

C hristopher hesitated. Perhaps this was a mistake. Perhaps he should have left her to rest and recover. After all, they had just spent a whole night trapped in close quarters together. She very well might want to spend some time on her own, especially given how tired she had been.

This had been a mistake.

With the thought solidified, he moved to turn away and go back to his room. He could get some rest on his own, and so could she. There would be time for them to spend together, time to get to know each other later, but before he could, the door swung open.

“Christopher?” Veronica frowned in confusion, wrapping her dressing gown tighter around her. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

He winced. This had been a mistake. He never should have come here, but now he had to say something.

After a moment, he hesitantly said, “I had thought the two of us could spend some time together while we were recovering, but if you would rather be alone to rest then I shall leave you be. I supposed you must be rather tired.”

He turned to go, but she called. “Wait!”

He paused, turning to look at her, and she hesitated.

“Yes?” he asked, a strange emotion bubbling in his chest.

She smiled at him. “I think you’re right. If we are both sick and stuck in bed, we might as well be together. Just give me a moment to put on more than my dressing gown.”

“Of course. As I said, I shouldn’t have simply barged in.”

“You didn’t. I will only be a moment.”

Veronica stepped back inside. After another few moments, she opened the door once more now dressed in a simple house dress.

“Right,” she said quickly then stood aside before motioning him to come in.

Christopher let out a long breath before stepping inside. He could only hope his surprise at her letting him in didn’t show too much on his face.

Alone in her room, for a moment, neither of them seemed to know what to say, where to sit, or even where to look. Christopher’s eyes flitted over every corner of the place.

It was nothing as ornate as she could have had as a duchess. He found himself a bit surprised she seemed to choose not to indulge in the finery she was entitled to. The place was more comfortable, less formal than his family had ever kept the place.

There seemed to be touches of her everywhere. From the decorations on the pillows to the half finished projects laying around.

He should say something. The silence seemed to never end. One of them needed to do something about it. It should be me, he thought to himself, but what to say?

He didn’t think it was wise to bring up what thy had just been through, nut he wasn’t sure what else there was to talk about. Still, he needed to think of something soon.

But then she beat him to it.

“I don’t know if I thanked you,” Veronica said when the silence seemed to stretch on for too long.

“For what?” be blinked, stunned and confused.

“For coming after me. I know I must have put you through a lot of trouble.”

“It was nothing. Please, think nothing of it.”

“But it wasn’t nothing!” she said with shocking force and determination. “You ran into the night. You stayed out in the forest. You even got sick because of me.”

He shook his head. “That isn’t true. I only got sick because of the river. Besides, it’s hardly what I would call sick, just a simple cold. It will pass by tomorrow.”

“Perhaps it will, but you said it yourself, you got it from the river. As I said, you were in the river because of me.”

“It doesn’t matter why I was in the river.”

“It does to me. I don’t know what would have happened to me if it weren’t for you.”

“We’re both safe now.”

“But we almost weren’t. If we had gotten caught in that current-”

“But we didn’t, did we?”

“Well, no, but we could have. Or if it had been colder or taken us too long to get to the lodge.”

“But none of that happened. It all worked out all right and you are safe now, aren’t you? We both are?”

“Yes.”

“Then there’s no point in dwelling on it, is there?”

Veronica smiled, looking away. Suddenly it felt like they were talking about a lot more than the cabin. “No, I suppose not. I must admit, it means a lot to hear you say that.”

He nodded in agreement. “I am glad we are on the same page with this.”

“As am I. if I’m honest, I wasn’t sure if we ever would be.”

“Yes, well, I can’t promise it will stay this way forever, but I will try to stay on it.”

“I appreciate that. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

“Would you like to sit?” Veronica asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Well, if you would like to stay and talk, wouldn’t it be better if we were comfortable?”

“And you’re sure you want me to stay?”

“Of course, besides we have already been talking for a while. You might as well make yourself comfortable.”

“Very well, if you’re sure.”

“Yes, I’m quite sure.”

“Then thank you,” he sat down on one of the seats, but Veronica hesitated.

For a moment she considered sitting right next to him, but it felt too close, too familiar.

But also sitting too far away also felt wrong. They were supposed to be getting to know one another, so she didn’t want to seem too distant either.

After a moment, she chose one of the seats a short distance from him, close, but still giving her her own space. It wasn’t too familiar nor distant, and the spot she chose made it easy for her to chose if she wanted to move closer or further away.

Christopher tried not to let it bother him, but he still couldn’t help the small kernel of disappointment that grew inside of him at the distance between them. If he was honest with himself, he had hoped she would chose the seat beside him, but she didn’t, keeping to herself instead.

Still, he could hardly blame her. It took time to build trust, care, and closeness. Just because she said she wanted them to try to build a life together didn’t mean she wanted to jump in right away.

“What do you like to spend your time doing when you aren’t working on improving the estate?” he asked as they sat there.

“I mostly work on some embroidery. It isn’t a very original hobby, but it was as close as I could get to what I truly would like to do.”

“And what was it that you wanted to do?”

She sighed, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s silly. I am content wiith my embroidery.”

“If you want to do it, I doubt it is silly.”

She shot him a look.

“Very well, even if you are right, which I don’t know that you are, and it is silly, I would like to hear it anyway.”

Veronica sighed. “Very well. When I was younger, I always wanted to make my own gown.”

“That isn’t silly. Why haven’t you done it?”

“It isn’t lady like,” she sighed. “Embroidery is fine because it’s seen as a passive art, but dressmaking is a skill I was never allowed to try my hand at.”

He hummed. “Well, you could always try it now.”

She lit up. “Do you mean that? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not. Why would I? I don’t see any harm in it.”

“Then I will consider trying my hand at it. Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it. I want you to be happy here.”

There was a short moment of silance then she spoke once more. “I am, you know. Happy. I was actually quite surprised by just how easily I found myself feeling relaxed and at home here. I can see why you stay in so often.”

His expression darkened, eyes darting away.

Veronica softened, realizing how her words sounded a moment too late. “I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

“It’s fine. What matters is that you are happy here. I’m glad to hear that.”

There was an awkward moment of silence before Veronica spoke again. “What was he like, if you don’t mind me asking? Your friend??”

He hesitated.

“Please don’t feel like you need to answer if you don’t want to. I wasn’t trying to pry.”

“No, you didn’t say anything you shouldn’t have. Perhaps it would be best to talk about him.”

She waited to see if he would say anything else, not wanting to push him.

“His name was Alexander. We all but grew up together. When he was consumed by the fire I-” he cut himself off.

Veronica took his hand in her own.

He looked up in shock, eyes darting between their hands and her face. After a moment he wrapped his fingers around hers.

Only then did he speak once more. “When he passed away, I didn’t know what to do. It was all my fault. How could I face anyone.”

“Christopher,” she whispered.

“So I did the only think I felt like I could do. I shut myself away in Ashton Castle. I didn’t go back to school. I didn’t go into town. I didn’t even go to the funeral, not that his father would have wanted me there even if I had wanted to go.”

“How can you say rhat? Of course he would!”

Christopher scoffed. “You don’t understand.

I am not the only one who blamed myself for Alexander’s death.

He blamed me too, and why wouldn’t he? I could have saved him.

If I had been faster, if I had done things differently, I could have done it, but I didn’t.

I failed, and he died because of that. Of course his father blames me. Why shouldn’t he?”

“Because it isn’t your fault,” Veronica said with such conviction it stunned him into silence.

“You did everything you could. Was it enough to save him, no, but that doesn’t make you responsible.

You tired, and you did save someone. I would be dead if it weren’t for you.

” Her voice softened. “You have up so much just to make that happen. It isn’t right to blame yourself. ”

“Then who do you think I should blame? Who should his father blame?”

“I think you should both focus on trying to be happy and have a life he would be happy to see you living now.”

“I’m trying now, but its hard for it not to feel like abandoning him.”

She shook her head firmly. “It isn’t about forgetting him, it’s about taking your memory of him and moving forward.”

“I will try, but understand it will take me time.”