Page 19

19

Ryder

This was seriously fucking with my head.

How was I supposed to deal with all of this? I kept going back to what I knew about him and what he’d done before the accident — then to what he’d done to me. It just didn’t make sense. Had the fire really damaged him that much? Had it screwed him up so badly he really thought this was the only way he’d ever get a… a companion ?

Christ, it sounded like a horror movie gone bad: villain really just wants to be loved.

But it also sounded more and more like the truth. I couldn’t say I understood his methods in the fucking slightest — or that I liked them at all — but it was starting to be harder to hate him.

“Anyway,” he said after the awkward silence passed, “let’s get these on you before you exercise.” He sounded half-hearted.

“Can I not today?” I tried.

He sighed. “You have to get used to crawling, and I have the knee pads for you. C’mon, Toby. Just a little bit, my good boy.”

Usually I’d have snapped that I wasn’t his good boy, but I was realizing the things I ordinarily said weren’t going to have an impact at all on a man who was this delusional. We’d already more than established that he wasn’t going to give up on this and that there wasn’t fuck-all I could do about it.

Which left us here.

“You’ve been good,” he said slowly. “If you do well with exercise and leash training, I’ll take you to your upstairs kennel.”

I froze at that. The idea of going upstairs into his house was heavenly, even beyond the opportunities I’d probably have to escape. It had to be worlds more comfortable up there, and I wouldn’t always feel so fucking alone like I did down here. I was going to start talking to myself at any minute because it wasn’t like I was spoiled for choices with company.

I went — crawled — to the door of the cell, which he opened. I stayed still as he put the knee pads on and adjusted them until they fit right. Hopefully they wouldn’t chafe, because that would spoil the entire purpose for them — to make this more comfortable. I was starting to feel like I was gearing up for sports, though.

He attached the leash to the harness again, and this time I followed him out and onto the mat. He led me around, just as he had last time, and I kept up. He didn’t exhaust me this time, instead letting me stop when I started to breathe heavily from the exertion.

“Am I going to regret bringing you upstairs?” he asked me.

Probably .

“No,” I said.

He eyed me, sighing. “You won’t be able to get out. You can’t open the windows or doors. I have the place locked down. You can’t access the internet, and I don’t have a home phone. My cell phone has a passcode. Do you really think I’d be stupid enough to bring you into my house without having contingency plans?”

Well… Yes, but that was only because I hadn’t actually thought about it. I’d imagined a regular home — bigger than usual, maybe, and fancier, but just a regular home. I hadn’t imagined some smart home where he controlled everything.

Maybe he was a tiny bit of a control freak, too.

“Okay, okay,” I said. He was entirely too good at this sort of shit to be a first timer. “Do you make a lot of lists?”

He blinked at me. “Yes?” he asked rather than said.

“Explains a lot,” I said.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he replied.

It made perfect sense to me. That was how he seemed to have everything together. If he made lists, he could constantly add to them and make sure he didn’t forget anything. Either that, or he just really had a good memory, but I was pretty sure he had a list habit to go along with his other obsessive habits.

“Come,” he told me, leading me to the stairs.

My heart fluttered in my chest, the butterflies drifting down to my stomach and leaving me feeling a little nauseated. What was going to happen when I got into his house? He was all prepared, and that meant he probably had enough shit to keep me contained.

I had expected something dark and dirty, and it took me a moment to adjust to the sheer amount of light pouring into the windows. I saw a few things covered in black cloth, almost like we were at a funeral, but for the most part…

“Are you really going to leave me up here?” I asked skeptically. If this was a joke, I was so not going to be amused.

He nodded. “As long as you don’t try anything stupid. I have a kennel set up for you in my bedroom.”

Of course he did.

“I’ll give you a quick tour,” he said abruptly, leading me off to the right. He showed me the guest room, the kitchen, and even a bathroom before leading me down a hallway. We passed several doors he didn’t open until we finally got to the fancy one at the end.

That one, he opened, and this was more of what I’d expected from him: dark, with blackout curtains drawn and blocking out the light. There was a large bed, a dresser, a desk, a TV on a stand, a bookshelf… and a large dog kennel.

I groaned, but he ignored me as he led me over to it.

“What am I supposed to do if I have to piss now?” I demanded. The drain wasn’t ideal, but at least I got to go when I needed to. So help me if he started talking about a catheter or some shit. I would lose my fucking mind.

He pointed out a bottle. “Portable urinal. Use that when you have to go. I’ll empty it every night.”

Great. I was going to get to share my living space with my piss.

At least the bed in it looked comfortable, with plush blankets and even a pillow. I eyed him skeptically.

“Yeah, that’s yours…” He trailed off, running a hand through his hair. “I keep trying to tell you. I don’t want you to be miserable here. I want you to be as happy as you can be.”

I was glad he didn’t say happy because I’d have had to scoff at that. There was no way I could be happy in a place like this. Comfortable, maybe, but not happy.

“I’ll leave the TV on for you during the day,” he said softly, almost uncertainly. “I’d give you books, but…”

But the mitts. Yeah. I was all too aware of the limitations those offered.

“Are you ever going to take this shit off me?” I demanded, unable to stop myself.

He shook his head. “No. I like the tail and the mitts and all.” He shrugged. “You’ll get used to all of it. It can’t be that uncomfortable.”

It wasn’t, not anymore, but I didn’t particularly want to admit that to him. I grumbled beneath my breath but didn’t say anything intelligible to him. What was there to say?

Leading me over to the kennel, he let the silence fall over us again. The kennel was already open, and he ushered me inside.

It was surprisingly spacious, obviously meant for a large breed dog like a Mastiff. I wouldn’t be able to stretch out completely, but I’d be able to sit up and stretch my legs if I needed to. And the dog bed… It was made for a larger dog, too, and it was comfortable. I’d never been grateful they made fancy shit for dogs or to the rich people who bought it all before. It was probably one with support and crap.

He unclipped the leash from my harness and withdrew, closing the door behind me. There was a padlock hanging from it, and I sighed at the sight of yet another lock. The guy had to be buying the stock in the things.

I wanted to ask if he’d thought about what would happen if there was a fire or something, but I had a feeling that would be getting too close to home. Still, I didn’t like the idea of getting stuck inside and having something happen .

“What happens if you like… die from a heart attack or something?” I asked instead, leaning back against the bars. “Do you have someone to come check on you even?”

He sighed, shaking his head. “No. Not really.” He looked at me, meeting my eyes. There was something almost apologetic in them as he said, “You just need to hope nothing happens to me.”

Great. That was exactly what I’d wanted to hear. Fucking wonderful.

I didn’t want to get mouthy within minutes of getting into the luxury kennel, though. “And what happens if I start screaming?”

“Soundproof. All the rooms are. I’m a musician,” he said promptly. “I can’t have sound carrying through the house when I’m working. And if you try it, I have ball gags, remember?”

Fuck. There went that plan. Not that I really thought anyone on the outside would come running, but it had been worth a shot.

“Anything else you want to ask?”

There was a lot I wanted to ask, but that meant having an actual conversation — and that just felt awkward as fuck. The whole situation was bad enough without me getting to know the guy. Other than the whole kidnapping and insisting on turning me into some doglike companion against my will, he seemed like he was pretty down to earth.

He’d sacrificed a lot for someone else, but it had also done some serious damage, too.

“How fucked up are you in the head?” I couldn’t help but ask, just needing to get one more jibe in before he left me alone in there.

He laughed, sounding surprised. “Do you even have to ask?” he countered .

“Nah. Just thought I’d get it official, for the record,” I told him.

It was almost like he was a person and I was a person, and we were having a normal chat.

Almost.

I was too aware of the bars around me to think that he saw me as a person. He didn’t want to see me as anything but a plaything, did he? Pretty soon, he’d try for that, and I didn’t know what I was going to do.

Hell, I didn’t know what I could do.

“I’m going to get some work done,” he said, turning on the TV. “Any preferences?”

“Animal Planet?” I retorted.

He rolled his eyes, and like a fucking douche, he put it on that channel.

“I was kidding,” I told him.

“I know,” he replied. With that, he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Bastard.

I sighed, settling in to watch the show. I just hoped there wasn’t anything about dogs mating, or I really was going to be unamused. Curling up on my new bed, I pulled the blanket around me and settled in, surprisingly comfortable.

Well. Things could’ve been much worse.