Page 12 of The Barbarian’s Claim (Not-So-Savage Barbarians #4)

Twelve

MATTHEW

I didn’t like how determined Einar was that I be prepared for him to die.

He said no one would get close enough to hurt me, but I had to be ready anyway.

A part of me wanted to refuse the lessons.

I didn’t want to even think of the possibility of being without him.

We’d only known each other for a short time, but he was the first and only person to care about me since I lost my family.

I wasn’t sure I’d want to survive that kind of loss twice.

He didn’t seem like he’d give me the option to refuse, though. I could see it in his eyes as he took a step back and beckoned me, his stance ready for a fight. I shook my head again.

“I-I-I d-don’t—” The tremble in my voice worsened, and I choked on the words, only a whimper escaping me. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hurt him. He was my protector. I needed him. I dropped the dagger, taking a few steps away from it, shaking my head constantly.

“Matthew,” he growled, his tone scolding. I hated to disappoint him, but I couldn’t make myself do it. My eyes filled with so many tears that I couldn’t see him properly anyway. There was no way I’d be able to do as he asked.

My back hit the rough bark of the tree behind me, stopping my movement. How did I tell him I couldn’t stomach the thought of losing the only person in this world who cared about me without having the words to say it out loud?

The rapid pounding of my heart filled my ears, blocking out the sounds around me. My chest felt tight, and I struggled to draw in a deep breath. Why couldn’t I ever keep the people who cared about me? Why was I always meant to be alone?

I squeezed my eyes closed, gripping my hair in my fists to try to feel something other than the bone-deep panic of losing Einar.

It wasn’t even happening now, but he seemed so sure it would and that I’d have to prepare for it, and the prospect sent me into a spiral.

The more I thought about what he wanted me to be ready for, the harder it was for me to breathe. Why couldn’t I breathe?

Warmth tugged at my senses as Einar wrapped me in his arms, squeezing tight enough to make my bones creak.

I gasped in surprise, dragging in a ragged breath, clinging to him like a lifeline.

He didn’t speak. He didn’t get angry. He just held me tight, inhaling and exhaling slowly until my breaths matched his and my heartbeat settled into its normal rhythm.

“I-I-I l-lost m-my whole f-family. I-I c-c-c–” I swallowed hard, forcing the words out. “I c-can’t lose you too. P-please…”

His hold on me tightened ever so slightly. The way he held me bordered on pain, but I needed it. I didn’t want him to let go.

“Okay…” he finally said, his voice gruff.

I knew it wouldn’t be that simple. He’d bring it up again later. He was too stubborn to just let it go. But for now, he was giving in to settle me. I was grateful for that.

I felt raw after that conversation, and I couldn’t look Einar in the eye once he let me go.

Nor could I say a word to him. Not that he seemed any more interested in speaking to me, either.

We sat in silence as he prepared our meal, and afterward when we cleaned up by the stream.

He didn’t leave me alone, but we didn’t interact at all.

It made me feel awful, and when we finally crawled into the bedroll together, I turned away from him and edged as far into my side as possible to give him space. Tears still burned my eyes, but I fought them back, burying my nose against the bedroll and surrounding myself in Einar’s scent.

Unlike the nights prior, I didn’t fall asleep instantly.

My mind was too turbulent, and I couldn’t settle like I usually would.

I was too worried about something happening to Einar.

If he was killed out here, I’d be left all alone with no idea how to find my way back.

He promised he’d protect me, but who would protect him?

I startled a little when his arm came around my waist, drawing me back against his chest.

“I’m sorry. I did not mean to make you afraid.”

He sounded sincere, and I leaned into the comfort he offered, hugging his arm against my chest. He didn’t complain about my clinginess, only settled himself more comfortably behind me.

It was only wrapped in his arms that I finally felt the fatigue dragging at my senses.

My eyes drifted closed, and my breath evened out, and just as I was slipping into unconsciousness, I heard him speak again.

In his language, words I didn’t have a hope of understanding, but they were soothing and filtered through my mind on repeat until sleep claimed me.

EINAR

“I promise to protect you. Even from me.”

I knew he didn’t understand me, but I said the words anyway.

When I bonded with him, I swore to protect him.

I never thought he’d need protection from me.

But seeing the way he shut down, gasping as he tried to suck in a breath, his eyes wide with terror, I realized it wasn’t just unknown enemies he needed protection from.

It was me. I was the one creating the monsters in his mind, hurting him without ever touching him. I needed to do better.

He clung to my arm even after his breaths slowed and his body relaxed in sleep.

I’d never been someone’s source of comfort before.

I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I needed to train him since I didn’t want him helpless, but I didn’t know how to balance that with comforting him. I didn’t want to make him fear me.

I decided to let it go for the time being.

No one would approach us out here. The segel trees were far from any towns or other clans.

It was creatures we needed to contend with out here.

And a dagger would do him no good against most. I would focus on teaching him the forest and handle his training later.

I never fully fell asleep while out here. It was too dangerous. My mind stayed partially awake, alert for the sounds of approaching creatures, while my body rested. The snap of a twig woke me before dawn, and my eyes flew open.

Whatever approached us was far enough away that I could slowly turn over, grabbing my sword and drawing it to my side. I always left the ties of the bedroll undone so that I could move quickly if needed. Rolling out, I listened for movement again.

A whimper caught my focus, and I turned in the direction of the sound, slowly pushing to my feet.

I worried for a moment about leaving Matthew alone, but he must have felt my movement because he turned over to look at me, worry etched in his eyes.

Putting my finger to my lips, I tipped my head toward the direction of the noise.

He quickly slipped out of the bedroll, following closely behind me as we stepped through the trees.

A growl made Matthew stiffen and edge a little closer to me.

I couldn’t tell him the growl wasn’t meant for us.

Something was hunting nearby. I peered around a tree, seeking the source of the noises, and studied the creature dragging its prey farther into the brush.

Normally, I wouldn’t get involved. It was the circle of life.

But Matthew must have peeked around me, and the look of horror and heartbreak on his face did something to my insides. It would hurt him to watch this.

Squatting, I unsheathed my dagger from my ankle.

The pup caught in the ithrak’s jaws whimpered again, and I heard a responding whimper from Matthew behind me.

It caught the ithrak’s attention and its head whipped up, dropping the pup long enough to snarl at us.

I threw the dagger before it could move to attack us, hitting it square in the throat as it lifted its head higher.

It dropped heavily, but I stopped Matthew from immediately rushing forward to the pup’s aid.

Ithraks were cunning and would feign death long enough to lure their attacker into relaxing before lashing out again.

I aimed well, and I believed the dagger flew true, but I could never be too careful with Matthew’s safety on the line.

Sure enough, the ithrak jumped back up and threw itself at us, hissing wildly. It was merely its death throes, and I easily dispensed of it, using my sword to cut its head clean off, but it frightened Matthew enough to let out a shriek. Turning, I looked him over.

“Are you alright?”

He nodded slowly, his eyes still wide and frightened. He recovered from it quickly enough, his gaze dropping to the pup that was supposed to be the ithrak’s meal.

“I-is it d-dead?”

Pulling a rag out of my pocket, I cleaned off my sword before sliding it back into the scabbard.

I tied it to my belt and moved to check on the pup.

An ulvor pup, maybe four weeks old. Too small to defend itself quite yet.

In the end, its age saved its life, as the ithrak had only managed to snag its scruff while dragging it off.

It had a few gashes from the ithrak’s teeth, but from what I could tell, it would survive the night.

Surviving without its mother was another story.

It would be better to put the little thing out of its misery.

“W-w-what are y-you doing?” Matthew asked, alarmed, as I took my dagger from the ithrak’s body and turned for the pup instead. I frowned at him over my shoulder.

“It will starve without its mother. It is kinder to kill it quickly.”

He surprised me when he pushed past me, carefully picking up the pup and pulling it against his chest protectively. “N-n-no!”

I sighed. “You cannot keep it. It needs its mother’s milk. It is too young to survive out here.”

“S-s-so we b-bring it b-back. I-its m-mother c-c-can’t be far, right?”

It was a sweet notion, but I shook my head to dissuade him. “Ulvor live in packs. It is too dangerous to get close. The risk is too great.”

The pup whimpered again, and Matthew curled around it, giving me the biggest, most heartbreaking look I’d ever seen from another male. It should not have been as effective as it was at swaying me. I knew the risk was too great. But I couldn’t hurt him more by telling him no.

Making a tick sound behind my teeth, I stood and gestured back the way we came. “Get our things. We will need to move quickly to avoid the pack after we bring the pup back. We won’t have time to return.”

He nodded rapidly in agreement, keeping the pup cradled against his chest as he hurried back to our camp.

He managed to pack his things without putting the pup down, keeping it warm with his body heat.

He even ripped a small strip off his tunic sleeve, wrapping it around the pup’s injuries.

I bit back the urge to comment that it was useless to do so. I doubted he’d listen right then.

After our things were packed and the smoldering fire put out, I led Matthew back to the ithrak. I took it with us, hoping to use it as a distraction for the pack as we put the pup back. This endeavor could very well kill us both. I needed every advantage I could get us.